Have you ever noticed how the things you want to get away from, will keep following you? No matter how many times you swear, “I’m never going to be in this situation again!” you will somehow find yourself back there for another round. It could be your new partner sucks you into a dysfunctional relationship (just like the last one!) or you get a new job and the work never really feels fulfilling (just like the last one!).
Often these patterns will jump across various parts of our lives. You have a boss who bullies you and a family member and a boyfriend who does the same? What a coincidence.
But the truth is, it’s not a coincidence. Unfortunately. And when you realise that you are the common denominator in all these repeating situations, you also have to face another crushing truth – you need to change something in you to break the repeating patterns in your life.
In my case, does that mean I deserved to be disrespected by men repeatedly in the past? Um, no.
Does that mean I deserved to have bosses who bullied me overtly and covertly? No.
But it sure as heck meant that I needed to do something differently to stop it from happening again.
As you become more self-aware and self-accountable, these types of realisations are difficult to avoid along with the understanding that, despite all the red flags, we still rush headlong into the very situations we want to avoid – until we change something in us.
In my case, I dealt with a repeating pattern by learning how to set healthy boundaries and then maintain them. I won’t say it was easy (actually it was kind of scary for me) but once I did it a few times the pattern stopped.
I still have other patterns to deal with (we all do) but once you can identify them, develop an effective strategy to do something differently, then implement it consistently, the pattern stops being an issue.
I confess this all sounds fine and very practical but it is also incredibly annoying because I can’t play the victim for long periods of time anymore. After all, you can’t be a victim if you played a role in putting yourself there in the first place.
As you grow in self-awareness you have to deal with your ‘stuff’ and it’s not always fun or comfortable. But it’s the trade-off we make if we want to evolve and, in my case, break a pattern of bullies and dysfunctional relationships.
If you’re ready to break free from the patterns that have been holding you back for too long, check out my Nights for Spiritual Beginners – six powerful nights over six weeks to help you kick your indecision and self-doubt to the kerb, connect to your intuitive power and insight, and step forward confidently so you can live your Soul’s Mission. Email me to find out more>>
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Like most people, there are things in my childhood and adolescence that scarred me emotionally. Interactions with family members and friends stay with you a long time and those memories mark you in many ways. They also influence your decisions and ideas about who you are and how the world operates.
I’m 44 now and it’s amazing how much I’m still unpicking those threads from my younger years. It’s like there are dozens of boxes strewn around the place and every now and then I trip over one and land unceremoniously on my backside.
Of course I can choose to get up at that point, kick the box to one side and keep going. But invariably all that means is there will be an even harder fall in the future. The Universe is like that you know. It will flag an issue for you to look at and, if you choose to ignore it, it will simply smack you harder next time. The Universe’s subtlety and patience can sometimes decrease rather rapidly.
These days I generally make time to undo the strings and sticky tape that’s holding the box together, and then I look inside. Some of the boxes in the past have been labeled with words like ‘rejection’, ‘need for acknowledgement’, ‘disrespect’, ‘judgement’, ‘abandonment’ and ‘love’. Inside each one has been a memory of how someone treated me, something said in jest or with cruel intention, or a situation that caused me pain.
As I’ve peered into each box, I’ve understood that I too had a role to play in creating those moments in my life. There were lessons for me to learn and things I needed to know about myself and others.
Does that mean the behaviour of some people was acceptable and kind? Definitely not. Sometimes it was the absolute opposite and, unsurprisingly, they are the moments that have marked me the most.
But with self-awareness, I have to acknowledge that while those things happened, I cannot allow them to twist my present and future in unfavourable ways. I cannot allow them to taint the possibilities and opportunities that lay before me. Yet sometimes that’s exactly what happens. Someone will say or do something in the present and I’ll be triggered back to that moment in my childhood or adolescence when something similar happened. And in that moment all the emotion from that past event will rise within me. Suddenly I will feel like I’m swimming through cotton wool, voiceless, powerless and with no idea where to go.
This is the moment the Universe pushes me over a box from my past.
It can be tempting to ignore the box and instead focus on the antagonising trigger in my present. Certainly it would feel more satisfying in the short-term to throw all my blame and pain on the person triggering my response.
But I know there is a reason such strong feelings arise and usually they start with me, my past, my lessons and my path. So I instead I apply metaphorical iodine to my wounds and open the box to peer inside. Then I find a way to work through its contents, get help to process it all if I need to, and then I do my best to let it go.
Unsurprisingly, it’s at this point the antagoniser in my present loses their power. I can deal with them calmly, almost matter-of-factly then, because it was never really about them personally. They were just a mirror showing me something to look at. They were just a chance for me to learn that now, as an adult, I can find another way.
Lucretia Ackfield is a writer and transformational teacher who helps women reconnect to the greatness that lies within by accessing their intuitive power. If you’d like to learn more about using your intuition or Lucretia’s programs, check out her Facebook page Lucretia’s Words or join her Facebook group Rock Your Inner Channel.
Sometimes the idea of looking too closely at ourselves can feel daunting or even a little scary. We worry about what we might find if we pull back the curtain of our soul. Will there be something there we don’t want to see? A truth we cannot un-see or avoid. Will it be something that others don’t like? Or, will there be nothing in there at all?
This last one was my biggest fear a few years ago. It was early in the psychic awakening process for me and boy oh boy, was the Universe pushing me to shift forward big-time. With awareness comes this undeniable and somewhat unavoidable arrangement with your soul and the Universe to expand your consciousness and follow your soul’s calling. In this case, I was being called to look closely at some of the crap that had been holding me back for far too long. I was being called to connect to my soul in a very real and intimate way. I was being called to go deep.
I was terrified. My good friend Samantha* was helping me through the emotional speed bumps and asked me at the time, ‘What are you afraid of?’
‘What if I ‘go there’ and there’s nothing inside?’ I said. I’m sure there was desperation dripping from every word. ‘What if there’s nothing in there?’
‘Of course there’s something in there,’ she said. ‘You’re in there.’
Phew. I’m so glad she offered me those words at that moment. Those simple words helped me gather up my courage close to my chest and shortly afterwards, I made the time to sit quietly with myself and ask my soul what it wanted.
And I, of course, discovered that my soul was there the whole time; not so quietly waiting for me to connect. I discovered there was no empty void within me. Instead there was so much depth, love and things to be discovered and learned. I’m still learning those things now. Every day or week or month there is another layer to me that I peel away to discover more.
I’m not sure if this is helpful for you. Perhaps you have no fear of what lies within you?
Yet I have spoken my friend Samantha’s* words to many clients and friends since they were first told to me. And I know they have provided comfort and enabled many of them to discover their own courage and begin traveling the road to their soul connection.
It seems to me there is the duality of fear when it comes to looking too closely at ourselves and what we truly desire. Our somewhat merciless, protective egoic mind splits down the middle and says either, ‘Don’t go there, it will be too much, you won’t be able to cope with the fall out’ or ‘Who are you kidding? There is nothing within. You don’t need to look behind the curtain to confirm it.’
Many of us will remain, some of us for a lifetime, sitting on the knife-edge between the two, slowly but surely splitting ourselves down the middle.
Such is the power of our fear of change.
But if there is one thing I know, it is this. And I know it with every fibre of my spiritual being.
If you choose to go deep within yourself, connect to your soul and uncover your true desires, you will discover something incredible. You will discover a depth in yourself you didn’t know existed.
You will discover that behind the curtain you are keeping so tightly closed, is something so magical and beautiful that it should never be hidden.
Because that ‘something’ currently hidden, is the very essence of you.
That is one thing I know to be true.
Lucretia Ackfield is a writer and transformational teacher. If you’re interested in expanding your self-awareness, connecting to your soul and owning your intuitive power, check out her Facebook group Rock Your Inner Channel.
Today’s blog might be a bit controversial. I’m about to venture forth into a space I’ve only skirted around up until now. But I can’t stay silent about it any longer. I. Just. Can’t.
Because it’s getting worse and I’m seeing it a lot. Friends and acquaintances succumbing. Dropping like flies as we say in Australia. Their connection to self so broken that they will avoid their inner voice so they can just keep doing what they’re doing. So they can just keep going to keep everyone else happy; so they can maintain the status quo.
I’m not about the status quo. So I’m going to say it. And I’m sorry if it offends but it’s not my intention. Instead I just want to shine a light on something that’s getting worse. Here goes…
It’s Valium. It’s sleeping tablets. It’s the anti-depressants doled out like candy at the corner store. Women medicated to block out the sound of their soul whimpering to be heard.
I’m sorry if I’m being obtuse. Let me be more specific. Sometimes women are medicating themselves because it’s easier than standing in their power and owning their inner voice that is yelling for more. More than ‘this’ – whatever ‘this’ is for you.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not anti-medication. I spent about a decade on anti-depressants in my 20s and early 30s. I saw psychiatrists and counselors at the same time. I was frequently a miserable, anxiety-ridden, tear-sodden mess. I had no idea who I was and I was sensitive to everyone else’s energy around me too. No one had ever shown me how to connect to my inner voice, the one that kept jumping up and down and causing all that anxiety because it wanted me to know there was ‘more’. No one ever told me that maybe I should ask if the feelings I felt were mine or were being picked up from the person next to me.
No one ever showed me how to trust my own judgement and then let the cards fall where they may.
So I was medicated. I chose it. Just like you’re medicated now. Yes, you; the beautifully gifted woman who is reading this blog post. I was you! I thought it was the best way, the only way to function, to be normal. And it did help, for a while. Kind of. But it wasn’t a long-term fix. It never could be. Not for me.
So what am I going on about then? Am I saying mental illness isn’t real? No, I’m definitely not saying that.
Am I saying that people shouldn’t take medication when they need it? No, I’m not saying that either. Sometimes medication is part of the solution that will keep you sane.
But when you have anxiety and you don’t sleep, I’m suggesting that maybe, just maybe, we’re culturally trained to be in too much of a hurry to muffle those emotions that are rising up and causing our disquiet.
When a woman tells me she wakes in the middle of the night for no reason because she feels like she’s forgotten something important and then, when it happens repeatedly for months, she medicates to block it out, I really feel there’s something wrong.
When another woman tells me her anxiety is out of control and her first response is to get medication to shut it up, but she’s not looked underneath to see what’s caused it, and she just wants to keep going because she ‘has to’, I really feel there’s something wrong.
When another one tells me her psychologist advises her not to meditate (which is simply the act of being present with yourself), I really feel there’s something wrong.
If we cannot ‘be’ with ourselves then there is a reason. And the reason in so many of the examples I hear is because women are not allowing themselves to ‘be’ with themselves. That disquiet we’re feeling, the anxiety that overtakes our minds and paralyses us is caused by our bodies trying to tell us something. It’s a response with a message and that message comes from deep within. It’s our soul telling us, ‘Hey, there’s something you need to look at here.’ Yet too often our response, our culturally-conditioned response is, ‘I can’t stop and listen to that voice. I can’t peer under those layers because I don’t have time. I have to keep going. I have to keep doing, doing, doing. I have to look after everyone else.’
So we medicate.
It breaks my heart. It makes me angry. It makes me feel despairing. When our first recourse is to medicate rather than heed our inner voice, I believe that is a tragedy. Because your inner voice is worth listening to. It’s yours. It’s trying to tell you something. But when you medicate unnecessarily you muzzle the messenger.
And that messenger is you.
‘What is intuitive mentoring?’ I’ve had this question (and a few others) numerous times so I thought I’d write a quick blog today and answer the top five questions about intuition and intuitive mentoring.
- What is intuitive mentoring?
Intuitive mentoring is a process designed to help you develop your self-awareness and connect more effectively into your intuition. It is about giving you the tools and techniques that will help you tune into the hints the Universe is sending you. This in turn helps you to trust yourself more and make better decisions in all facets of your life
- What is intuition?
Intuition is your inner knowing. You might also know it as your ‘gut feeling’, ‘instinct’ or (in Kath and Kim language) ‘feeling it in my waters’. It is essentially a feeling you get that you cannot explain through any rational thought process. For example, it’s the moment you interview a potential employee and think, ‘There’s something not right here’ although on paper and in every other way they seem perfectly fine. But a few months later, they leave with some of your best clients and you think, ‘Mmm, I should’ve listened to my gut feeling on that one.’
Or it’s when you have the opportunity to develop a new product with someone and the returns seem guaranteed, but something’s telling you it’s off so you decline. Then you find out two months later that the potential business partner has gone bankrupt due to some less than ideal business dealings. That was your intuition warning you to take care.
It can also apply in your personal life with that new man who seems perfect for you in every way but inside there’s this nagging feeling that something’s not quite right. Then you find money is starting to go missing from your purse and a friend shows you that your new partner is still on Tinder. Your intuition was warning you something was off.
- Does everyone have intuition?
Yes, we all have intuition but not all us of use it and some of us have developed it more strongly than others. It is something you are born with.
- How can I develop my intuition?
Developing your intuition requires you to grow you self-awareness and quiet your mind. This will enable you to tune into your intuition more easily. Your intuition often speaks with a quiet voice and this means you must be able to trust it (i.e. trust yourself) and ensure your brain is quiet enough so you can hear what your intuition is trying to tell you.
- How can my intuition help me?
People use their intuition in many ways to help with their business and personal lives. For example, in business it’s particularly useful in helping you to identify growth opportunities and new ways to approach old problems. In your personal life, it can help you to live more in alignment with what you really want to do and who you wish to be rather than being overly influenced by the agendas and beliefs of other people.
If you’d like more information about my intuitive mentoring, personal branding and life purpose programs, check out www.lucretiaswords.com