If you’ve found this post then you’re someone who wants to create change in the world. You want to live differently to the way your parents and other people you know have lived. You have a vision or maybe just an inkling of doing things differently.
Have you ever shared your desire, your dream, your vision with someone you thought would have your back? Maybe you opened up just a little and trusted them.
You wanted their support and understanding but instead, all you heard was something like:
“Oh look that sounds a bit like a dream to me and not very realistic”
“I really think you need to be a bit more practical”
“I think that’s something you can do on the side. But for now you should finish your degree and get a really good job”
“We never had these opportunities when we were young and we wanted to make sure that you have them. So don’t waste them. Get a good job and get paid well. Forget all that other stuff because it’s not very realistic. Just go out and achieve, achieve, achieve.” (This may come from your parents if they didn’t have a lot of opportunities.)
When you get this type of negative or “realistic” feedback about what you want to create, it can be really hard to keep your focus and maintain your faith in your ability to make your dreams real.
But there are things you can do to make sure their stories and negative feedback doesn’t take you off track and stop you from living your purpose.
Understand their response is about THEIR STORY NOT YOURS.
We all tell ourselves stories about what is possible and what is not. These are based on our experiences, beliefs and interactions with others.
But if you share your desire or dream with someone and their story negatively influences their response, you potentially enter a danger zone. If you are not feeling really grounded and centred in yourself, you will take their story on as your truth. This is dangerous for you because it’s not the truth. It is just a story they believe and they are projecting it onto you.
It’s possible their dreams were squashed when they were young and they lost hope that they could do anything different. This led them to conform and do what their parents, community and friends wanted them to do. So your idea to do something that bucks the system will confront their beliefs and the story they’ve been telling themselves about what their life can, could or should be.
I’m not trying to invalidate their perspectives because those experiences will be real for them. But that’s their story, NOT YOURS. You’re here to create your own story.
Yes, you need to be able to support yourself financially, look after and be responsible for yourself. But that doesn’t mean you have to live the same kind of life that other people think you should live.
ALL OR NOTHING THINKING can stop you before you start
Sometimes we also have all or nothing thinking and this stops us from moving forward. You will be worrying that if you make the wrong decision now, you might screw everything up. This leaves you feeling indecisive and sometimes you avoid making any decisions at all.
But whatever you’re doing when you’re aged 20, 22, 25, 27, etcetera, YOU WON’T BE DOING THOSE THINGS IN ANOTHER 10 YEARS. Nothing stays the same for that long so you’re better off taking a chance in this moment, doing what feels right for you and moving forward. Otherwise you will be waiting for the perfect time and a guaranteed outcome (neither of these exist!!).
One particular decision is rarely going to make or break your entire life. Waiting for other people to “get it”, and understand and support your decisions is also wasting time.
If other people don’t agree with your life choices, that is not your problem.
Yes, we all want people to like us. But you cannot put yourself into a box to help other people feel more comfortable with their life choices. That’s not your job.
What other people think of you is none of your business. You need to focus on what you think of you!
Focus on what you feel is the next right step for you and trust yourself. When you do that, you are moving forward with your life purpose and life path. You will meet other people along the way who will get what you are trying to do. They will understand what you’re trying to create and will support you. But there will be others who will test your faith in yourself.
You need to make the best decision for you right now and understand that not everyone is going to agree with you, and that’s okay. Sure, sit back and question yourself a little but then ask yourself “Okay, what feels like the right thing for me?” then follow that and know it’s all going to work out. It probably won’t look like you think it will – life never works out the way we think it should. But it’s going to work out beautifully and in the best possible way for you.
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I’ve had a lot of people give me the message that using their intuition costs them too much and they are unwilling to pay the price. While their actual words may have varied over the years, the message has been the same:
When I use it, I upset people [I would rather they upset me. I don’t want to upset anyone]
I don’t trust it but I trust my brain so I weigh everything up in my head first before making a decision [even though I’m experiencing anxiety every day, constantly feel like I’m in the wrong place and it eventually blows up in my face when I don’t trust it]
I think it might be my fear talking [so I ignore it)
It’s telling me I have to do something else but I don’t know how to so… [I’m going to keep doing what I’ve always done]
I “know” I need to leave/change but before I do that I think I have to do X first [finds reasons to not to listen to themselves]
I want X but maybe some people never get what they want because… [if I did what I want I would have to change my life/upset someone/stop doing destructive behaviours]
I’ve had this idea to do something but I don’t think I’m good enough so… [I’m going back to doing what I’ve always done and not chase my dream]
I feel like something isn’t right with him but everyone else thinks he’s great so… [gets screwed over by a colleague at work]
I “know” he’s not right for me but I’m going to make it work because security/don’t want to be alone/kids [ends up in unhappy and destructive relationship]
My parents/colleagues/friends think that’s all just “woo woo” [and I don’t want to stand out because I don’t want to be rejected…but I’m probably never going to be happy either]
I feel like doing this thing is right for me but X thinks something else and they are a lot more sensible than me so… [continues to believe that their own knowing can’t be trusted and isn’t as valuable as someone else’s opinion”.
Have you found yourself thinking or saying these words over the years? You are not alone because a lot of people do the same. But, just like you, they’re not 100 percent happy with where they’re at in life because they’re not trusting themselves and listening to their intuition. Because the true “cost” of listening to your intuition is letting go of what your mind and sometimes other people think should happen and instead trusting that your life is going to be far more expansive and yes, unpredictable that you could ever imagine.
Yes, you will probably have to change things and make decisions that may upset the status quo occasionally. Yes, you will have to learn how to trust yourself implicitly and be prepared to take risks. And yes, you will have to sacrifice the uncomfortably comfortable life you may have built for yourself where your mind feels like it can relax because it has a pretty good idea about what comes next (even if your heart feels unfulfilled/miserable).
So yes, there will be a price to pay if you start tuning in, listening to and then taking action when your intuition calls you forward.
But I believe the price will be much higher if you don’t use it. Don’t you?
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A few years ago I mentioned to a friend that I was thinking about offering mentoring programs in intuition but I was doubting myself. I wondered, “Am I really the best person to do that?”
My friend (who knew me well) laughed aloud and said, “Lucretia you’ve been mentoring people your whole life, why would you stop now.”
I guess in many ways she was right, it’s just that the topics I teach have changed over time.
For me mentoring is about empowering people to speak what’s in their hearts and follow their path. It’s never really about me, it’s actually about them.
When I’ve stood in front of a class of university students or talked to one them afterwards to help them understand a concept or simply manage the stress of study and trying to have a life at the same time, my goal has always been the same. There are some rules, but more importantly there is the need to trust yourself, know that you’re enough and simply do your best.
In my intuitive mentoring programs, my principles are the same and there is nothing more satisfying than seeing a woman beginning to tune into her inner voice and begin to block out the noise of everyone else’s needs, wants and expectations. It’s at that point, that I know we’re making real progress.
Mentoring and even teaching for me is about helping my students or clients to find their own way forward – I’m just there to provide a few signposts, spotlight the potholes and outline the road rules. The rest is in their hands. It all sounds deceptively simple and, in many ways, it is.
But for someone who has never claimed their intuition as their birthright, it’s not always so easy. I know this because I didn’t even know what it meant to trust myself until I was in my third decade. Until then I did a lot of things I loved, made important life decisions and had very strong opinions. But underneath all that, I didn’t have a clue who I was and I had no one to show me.
Then the Universe threw me a curve ball or two and I began to find out about the parts of me I didn’t even know existed (and if you want to know how that initially worked out you should read my first book The Men I’ve Almost Dated).
Everyone’s journey is different and I don’t claim for one moment to have all the answers. But I do know one thing for absolute certain – trusting your intuition and knowing it will always lead you in the right direction for you is the key to a sense of groundedness and stability in yourself that can’t be bought or lived vicariously through someone else. Without it, your cheeky monkey mind will rationalise you in and out of almost anything and the fulfillment of your purpose on the planet will be a lot more difficult than it needs to be.
Of course, the ultimate key (as I mentioned to a former student tonight) is to trust yourself always and use your mind to execute strategy – then you can’t lose.
The psychics I visited in my 20s and early 30s were often socially awkward. I would find them tucked away in semi-deserted shopping arcades shuffling their cards in small, darkened rooms with an obligatory candle or two. Sometimes they’d be working from a spare room in their home, anonymously located in a nondescript suburban street. One man did readings under his old timber house. We sat at a 1970’s Laminex table, surrounded by dusty crates, boxes and assorted junk, and an overgrown lawn.
Many of them were undoubtedly talented psychics (the man under the old house was brilliant), but there was always this air of not quite fitting in. So many of them seemed to exist on the fringes of the ‘everyday’ that most of us lived and experienced.
Of course, I didn’t appreciate that I had similar gifts until I reached my late 30s. I’d had inexplicable blips of insight before then. I would know things I couldn’t possibly know about people when they were in another city or country. But I didn’t really understand what was going on.
But in my 39th year, it felt like all my psychic lights suddenly flooded the landscape. It completely freaked me out and one of my biggest concerns was that I would have to become like those socially awkward psychics I’d met previously; the ones people always saw as ‘just a little bit strange’. Would I have to leave the old me behind? Did I have to become some kind of weird hippie chick and never wear my stilettoes again?
It’s funny the things you worry about when the Universe challenges you to think about yourself differently. Of course, as time went by, it began to make a lot more sense. I discovered there were psychics and energetically-sensitive relatives on both sides of my family. And the anxiety and tearfulness I struggled with as a teenager, and then later as an adult, made a lot more sense when you considered my heightened ability to sense the emotions of others. I just hadn’t understood what was happening. Instead I absorbed everyone else’s emotions and thought they were mine (one of the ‘perks’ of having unmanaged empathic gifts).
It’s been a few years now and I’ve learned to manage my gifts. But I won’t lie and tell you it’s been a seamless and effortless process. Unfortunately there were times when I felt like I was swimming blindfolded and might drown in the unknown. There was so much I didn’t know and for a while I didn’t have anyone to give me the guidance I needed – so my gifts frequently managed me, instead of me managing them. It wasn’t always fun.
But although there have been many weird and wacky experiences, I have realised that I don’t need to live on the fringes of society if I’m psychic. These days there are lots of people like me living very ‘normal’ lives working in corporate jobs, teaching in schools, nursing, creating art, and so on. People like me are everywhere and a lot of them aren’t weird hippie chicks (although yes, some of them are).
I’ve also realised that, like most psychics, I have my gifts for particular reasons that align with my skills and strengths. One of those reasons is so I can help young people to understand and manage their gifts so they don’t have to suffer like I did. After all, if I’d met someone when I was a teenager and they’d helped me to understand I was picking up other people’s stuff and there were ways to buffer that, well, that would have made my life a whole lot easier.
Our souls chose to be psychic or energetically sensitive or highly empathic before we were born in this lifetime. We chose to have these gifts so we could create beautiful lives, help others and make a positive impact on the planet.
And we don’t need to live on the fringes of society to do it.
I spotted a learner driver while I was on my afternoon walk yesterday. He was in his parent’s car and had slowed down a little jerkily to negotiate a roundabout. There was a look of intense concentration on his face. He didn’t want to stuff up but he wasn’t sure what he was doing. He was a learner.
It struck me that when you first begin to recognise and use your energetic/psychic skills, you are very much like that learner driver. You can see the road up ahead that you wish to navigate, but you don’t always know where the right gear is and sometimes you stall in the middle of the road while the traffic banks up behind you. It’s uncomfortable and often a little nerve-wracking. You think, ‘Why don’t I know how to do this?’, ‘Everyone is looking at me, I’m drawing attention to myself’ and ‘I should be able to get this right because it looks so easy for everyone else.’ A range of other less positive thoughts can also complete a few loops of your brain at various times of the day and night.
The truth is, being energetically sensitive (or psychic) can be challenging because it doesn’t follow a textbook process in the way it develops. You might have very strong skills in particular areas from a young age. Or you might find that it kicks in without little warning when you’re 17, 35, 40 or 65-years-old (with only occasional insights before then). Then you’ll experience what I call ‘psychic growth spurts’ at odd times and suddenly find you have a new skills you weren’t aware of and need to learn how to manage.
My Spirit Guides used to tell me, ‘Just trust the process’ but sometimes it’s really hard to trust something that no one else is experiencing or knows about. I have fought that ‘trust’ on many an occasion – not that it does much good to fight who you are because you’re actually fighting yourself (and you can’t win that battle).
I know firsthand how uncomfortable the process can be. I have fought the battle of ‘control’ and lost. Control of anything except your behaviour in this moment, is an illusion. However, management is possible and highly advisable.
Your energetic/psychic skills are a gift to be managed. Your soul chose to have them in this lifetime and it is up to you to use them wisely to help yourself and others to create a better world in whatever way (big or small) feels right for you.
But just like that learner driver, you must learn how to manage your gifts or sometimes they will manage you. You must also learn that it is a process of learning that will last a lifetime. You are on a journey and every speed bump you drive over will take you to a better place. But sometimes it will be uncomfortable.
However, despite this, always remember that although your journey is unique, you are not alone. There are lots of other people who are having similar experiences as they negotiate their psychic roundabouts for the first time.
It’s a process. It’s a journey. And there are other people like you.
Do you need help to manage your energetic/psychic gifts? My six-session Intuition Connection program will provide you with the skills and techniques you need to help you understand and manage your gifts and live your purpose.