A while ago, someone said I was brave to go my own way and not have children when society puts so much pressure on women to do so. She met her comment sincerely but I soon disabused her of the notion that I had made my decision as a form of conscious rebellion against the establishment.
I am a feminist certainly and proud that I don’t fit into the traditional female mode. But I did want children once.
I was married to a man in my 20s but I never wanted them with him.
Then in my 30s I found myself single by choice and occasionally yes, I did think about it but not in any way that I was willing to take concerted action on.
A couple of months shy of my 42nd birthday, I met a man I truly thought was the one – the one for me. I fell completely in love. He was younger and it soon became clear that not having children was a deal breaker for him. He wanted them but at that point in the relationship, I wasn’t sure.
We took two weeks apart for me to work things out. He didn’t want either of us to see anyone else during that time. He said he loved me. He said he was devastated and didn’t know what to do.
I saw a powerful energy healer during that break and through that work I quickly realised I wanted children. I wanted them very much and I wanted them with the man I loved.
Imagine my surprise when I conveyed this news to him and he didn’t believe me. He knew me to be a woman who didn’t lie and yet, he said he couldn’t believe it. He said, “Even if you mean it now, how do I know you won’t change your mind later.”
He ended it and I never saw him again.
He never acknowledged me again. It was as if I no longer breathed. Perhaps I had never really existed at all for him. He certainly found it very easy to deny any love he had felt for me.
I fell into an abyss of grief that took years to recover from. I was suicidal at one point with feelings of loss so deep I thought there was no bottom to the well I was drowning in. I just kept sinking.
Eventually, I did float to the surface and find my feet in the shallows again. But by then it was too late for children. My fertility ship had already drawn anchor and wind was filling its sails. I wasn’t in a position to do it alone financially and I didn’t want to do it without the one I loved anyway. So that was that.
Later I asked a powerful psychic why the Universe would treat me so cruelly. Why would she finally give me the understanding I wanted children of my own at such an age only to rip that possibility from my hands.
She said I had needed the healing to unleash my creativity – a woman’s creativity is born from her womb and the energy healing I’d done had cleared the blockages. I could not do what I’m here to do, create what I am here to create, write my books and so on, without that shift occurring.
I don’t mind telling you, the whole thing seemed very cruel indeed. And I was not gracefully accepting in the face of it. I raged at the light.
But the creativity surely did flow more strongly after that. I wrote extensively about the relationship and break-up in prose before being called back to write it in poetry, of all things. More than 230 poems resulted, all written within about a year. I was on the edge of publishing that work when Corona hit. The Universe has her own timing in mind again it seems.
Someone asked the other day how I get along with my Spirit Guides. The truth is, I’ve had a troubled relationship with them at times. They guided me back to that man twice when I thought about leaving, before I got in too deep emotionally. But they urged me to return. I know now he and I had unfinished business from several past lives and the unleashing of my creativity was all part of the plan in this one.
In my darker moments at the time I wasn’t always grateful for that.
Our guides are here to look after our best interests and help us to learn what our Souls are here to learn. Through that relationship I learned I was clairaudient, I learned I could remotely view someone without even trying. I learned there is no stronger psychic connection than between two people who are bound through the heart. I learned I have the ability to see past lives and see those same patterns repeating in this one.
I learned that Souls have free will as well as lessons to be learned. So you can only plot your way forward with the knowledge you have in this moment until something or someone chooses something different.
None of it makes sense and yet it also makes perfect sense too.
As a psychic channel I feel things deeply and that isn’t always easy. I also see a lot more than sometimes others would like because I can’t simply turn away from a Soul’s truth when I see it in front of me. This makes it difficult for people to be around me if they wish to hide from themselves.
When I help people by using my gifts whether it’s a friend struggling with a problem or a client struggling with direction, I always come back to one inescapable thing – what does their Soul want to do? What is their truth? And then how can we peel back all the stories and energetic blocks that get in the way of it.
It’s powerful work and people need to be ready for it. But, oh, when they are, that is when the magic happens because anything is possible.
In past lives I have been burned at the stake, pursued, murdered and lived in fear of my gifts. In this lifetime, I have walked through metaphorical fires many times when it comes to the truth and my psychic gifts.
Nothing happens by mistake. There are no coincidences and it was no coincidence that I met that man all those years ago. It was no accident that he broke me in fundamental ways so I could rebuild myself in a different form.
It was no mistake that my creativity has flourished since.
Whatever challenge you’re facing right now, it is not a mistake. It is part of your lesson. A lesson your Soul signed up for.
If you need help to navigate your way forward, get in touch. You don’t have to do it alone, I’ve been there and I know the road out.
A few years ago I found myself driving to Byron Bay for my first spiritual retreat.
A lot of weird things had happened to me that year – smelling things that weren’t there, knowing things I couldn’t know, and spiritual guides showing up when I least expected it (i.e. during meditation in my yoga class) – and my mentor said the retreat would be helpful.
I wasn’t so sure.
Most of my contact with psychics until that point had been with women who lived outside the mainstream. They weren’t like me. None of my friends were psychic. My mentor was more mainstream but even so, I wasn’t sure how I would fit into this world I was suddenly part of.
As I drove the 2.5 hours to Byron Bay, I kept saying ‘I’m not a weird hippie chick, I’m not a weird hippie chick’ over and over in my head. It’s not that I had anything against hippies (be whoever you want to be, I say) but I definitely wasn’t one.
I was a public relations professional who wore suits and loved stilettoes. I had no desire to live an alternate, off-grid lifestyle. Psychics in my mind conformed to a cliché that, it turned out, wasn’t real at all.
During the five-day retreat I was constantly surprised at how normal everyone was. In fact, a lot of them were just like me and came from all walks of life.
There were some with hippie-like tendencies but there were also business people, a senior government administrator, a counselor and a dress designer. Others worked in nutrition, teaching and a range of other professions.
They were mainstream, just like me.
The retreat helped me to understand that maybe I wasn’t so strange after all and I wouldn’t need to abandon my mainstream life just because I was psychic. I could still be me.
These days I frequently meet people who are psychic. I’ll find myself in conversation with someone at a wedding, in a workshop or even on a bus and serendipitously it will come out somehow. I’ll be chatting about that part of my life and suddenly they’ll be sharing their own experiences. Sometimes they will have been too cautious to tell anyone about it before. And as we chat, I’m able to reassure them that they are normal and not going crazy.
My psychic journey has been tumultuous in many ways and it’s been a challenge to balance my life with the gifts and insights that have opened up to me.
But I am still me.
So for all of you out there who see the spirits of those who have passed over, have insights about things you can’t possibly know, feel the emotions of others or have other psychic happenings, please know you are not alone. You are one of many who walk this planet living a mainstream life.
And being psychic doesn’t mean you have to be a weird hippie chick.
If you’d like to meet other people who are beginning their psychic journey, please join us for A Night for Spiritual Beginners on Wednesday, 18 March 2015 in Brisbane. There are still a few spots available and you can find out more at http://wp.me/Pirqj-g1
My psychic awakening was exhilarating, confusing and often freaked me out. I’d had some psychic incidents during the preceding years but suddenly, over the course of 12 months, it seemed the Universe decided to slam its foot down on the psychic accelerator and I was an unwitting passenger locked inside the vehicle.
I found myself smelling and seeing things that weren’t ‘technically’ there and knowing things I couldn’t possibly know through any rational means. It was a truly bizarre existence.
I remember asking my mother, ‘Do you think I’m going mad? Should I simply call the men in the white coats to come and get me?’
‘No,’ she said. ‘I just think you see things other people don’t.’ Her reassurance helped me to accept that perhaps I wasn’t losing my mind.
I also sought the advice of a gifted psychic who provided me with support and guidance about what I was going through. She too reassured me that I was not going mad.
Time has passed and I’ve learned (usually the hard way) to manage my psychic gifts more effectively and use them to help others. It’s an ongoing educational process as new skills tend to show up when it’s time for me to use them.
Over the past year, I’ve had conversations with people who are beginning their own psychic awakening and, while their experiences are unique to them, their fears and confusion are very familiar to me. I’ve found, by drawing on my own experiences, that I’ve been able to provide guidance and support for their journey and I’ve decided to start a monthly event specifically for that purpose.
My first Night for Spiritual Beginners will be held on 18 March 2015 in Brisbane. People who are finding their way through the psychic awakening process will be able to meet like-minded souls, learn more about what they’re going through, and gain some vital skills to help them manage their special gifts and live their purpose.
Many people feel isolated and alone during their psychic awakening and it’s my hope this event will help to alleviate those feelings and create a community where we can share our experiences and grow together.
Registration is a requirement for this event and details can be found at http://wp.me/Pirqj-g1
A couple of weeks ago I was getting some feedback about my book (yes, the book I’m still editing) and was told perhaps I should rethink one of the chapters.
The chapter deals with clairvoyants and horoscopes and how single women will often rely heavily on these avenues when searching for love.
I was told that most people don’t believe in that stuff and might think I’m a bit, ‘you know’ if I included it.
Then I mentioned I’m psychic and believe in that ‘stuff’. The conversation quickly shifted to other topics.
The thing I found so interesting about the exchange was its black and whiteness. People have believed in God, an entity we cannot see and have not met, for hundreds of years. But to suggest that we can access our intuition about situations, connect with the energies that bind us all together and speak to the spirits of those who have passed over still makes some people uncomfortable.
In Western culture, we have always talked about instinct and gut feelings – a knowingness that has no foundation in what we see or any relation to the ‘facts’ we are presented with. Yet still we will know something isn’t right. Isn’t that a connection to information we don’t technically have?
What about those moments when, while sitting in quiet contemplation or engaged in a mindless activity, you are suddenly struck by a brilliant idea or concept? How can you you explain those times just before sleep, when you close our eyes and suddenly know the solution to a problem that’s been bothering you for days or weeks?
In these moments our minds are not consciously active. They are not scurrying around being productive and engaged in the serious pursuit of answers and information. Yet these are the times when the answers come. Some form of inner knowing kicks in to help and takes over where our mind leaves off.
Being open to my intuition and ability to connect to the world around me has made it easier for me to trust my own decisions (and make good decisions) even when they haven’t been based on what my mind regards as ‘facts’.
Many of the greatest minds in our history have also said they ‘trusted their gut instincts’ when making decisions. Some of the great business strategists of the 21st century have said the same thing.
And there have been numerous times when I’ve corrected a student’s work and they’ve said, ‘Oh, that’s what I did the first time but then I changed it.’ Did their mind just over-ride their instinct?
Being psychic just means that my intuition and instincts are a little more developed than others. But I’m not ‘you know…crazy’ and I’m not the only psychic person out there. I meet them every day. It also feels like people in the public eye are talking about this stuff more and more. Some of the most creative thinkers of our time are talking about ideas coming through them or inspiration coming from another place. They are not passive in the process but they are open to receiving information from a place that is not their mind.
I feel like there is a shift happening that’s allowing us to access opportunities, discoveries and solutions that our rational thoughts have previously blocked or discarded. This can only be a good thing for our development as a human race and as a community. Imagine the possibilities.
In the meantime, I’d like to suggest that maybe, just maybe, there a lot of people in the world who are more ‘psychically intuitive’ than they think….they’re just calling it gut instinct.
Last night a big hairy spider ran across the table onto my dinner plate and then decided to sit there for a while like it was the perfect resting place for an eight-legged arachnid.
I screamed, like the big girl I am, and flew out of my chair into the nearby hallway.
My friend’s cat fled behind the nearest couch in terror. The house was in uproar.
Eventually my good friend Sharon* removed the spider to the nearby deck but I remained watchful for any of its relatives.
Later in the evening I made friends with some local possums and then a fox ran out in front of my car on the way home.
It was an eventful animal evening.
Today SuperPuss has barely left my side. He’s right now lying near my feet, just hanging out and helping me to quietly start the new year.
Animals are so often the source of comfort and security in our lives. They can also make us feel protected and loved.
But sometimes they are also trying to tell us something too.
Last night wasn’t my first spider interaction. I’ve been seeing them everywhere for weeks…in my car, on my bed, on my deck, running across my computer keyboard, landing on me unexpectedly. They’ve been everywhere.
However, after last night’s plate incident, it became clear that I wasn’t paying enough attention to what they’ve been trying to tell me.
So today I’ve been doing a little research about spiders and thinking about what they mean to me. And I think I’m starting to understand what they’ve been trying to tell me.
Like spiders, we all have the ability to build our own web for our lives. We are the weavers of every strand and, if we decide something is no longer serving us, we can tear it down and start again.
We create our lives and can change them at a moment’s notice. We also have the ability to rebuild intricate and beautiful webs that are purely our own.
Last year was challenging and there have been many times when I’ve wondered, “Just what is this life that I’ve created?”
The spiders are telling me that I have the power to create my own web and to tear down and rebuild the parts I wish to change to make it stronger and more beautiful.