A while ago, someone said I was brave to go my own way and not have children when society puts so much pressure on women to do so. She met her comment sincerely but I soon disabused her of the notion that I had made my decision as a form of conscious rebellion against the establishment.
I am a feminist certainly and proud that I don’t fit into the traditional female mode. But I did want children once.
I was married to a man in my 20s but I never wanted them with him.
Then in my 30s I found myself single by choice and occasionally yes, I did think about it but not in any way that I was willing to take concerted action on.
A couple of months shy of my 42nd birthday, I met a man I truly thought was the one – the one for me. I fell completely in love. He was younger and it soon became clear that not having children was a deal breaker for him. He wanted them but at that point in the relationship, I wasn’t sure.
We took two weeks apart for me to work things out. He didn’t want either of us to see anyone else during that time. He said he loved me. He said he was devastated and didn’t know what to do.
I saw a powerful energy healer during that break and through that work I quickly realised I wanted children. I wanted them very much and I wanted them with the man I loved.
Imagine my surprise when I conveyed this news to him and he didn’t believe me. He knew me to be a woman who didn’t lie and yet, he said he couldn’t believe it. He said, “Even if you mean it now, how do I know you won’t change your mind later.”
He ended it and I never saw him again.
He never acknowledged me again. It was as if I no longer breathed. Perhaps I had never really existed at all for him. He certainly found it very easy to deny any love he had felt for me.
I fell into an abyss of grief that took years to recover from. I was suicidal at one point with feelings of loss so deep I thought there was no bottom to the well I was drowning in. I just kept sinking.
Eventually, I did float to the surface and find my feet in the shallows again. But by then it was too late for children. My fertility ship had already drawn anchor and wind was filling its sails. I wasn’t in a position to do it alone financially and I didn’t want to do it without the one I loved anyway. So that was that.
Later I asked a powerful psychic why the Universe would treat me so cruelly. Why would she finally give me the understanding I wanted children of my own at such an age only to rip that possibility from my hands.
She said I had needed the healing to unleash my creativity – a woman’s creativity is born from her womb and the energy healing I’d done had cleared the blockages. I could not do what I’m here to do, create what I am here to create, write my books and so on, without that shift occurring.
I don’t mind telling you, the whole thing seemed very cruel indeed. And I was not gracefully accepting in the face of it. I raged at the light.
But the creativity surely did flow more strongly after that. I wrote extensively about the relationship and break-up in prose before being called back to write it in poetry, of all things. More than 230 poems resulted, all written within about a year. I was on the edge of publishing that work when Corona hit. The Universe has her own timing in mind again it seems.
Someone asked the other day how I get along with my Spirit Guides. The truth is, I’ve had a troubled relationship with them at times. They guided me back to that man twice when I thought about leaving, before I got in too deep emotionally. But they urged me to return. I know now he and I had unfinished business from several past lives and the unleashing of my creativity was all part of the plan in this one.
In my darker moments at the time I wasn’t always grateful for that.
Our guides are here to look after our best interests and help us to learn what our Souls are here to learn. Through that relationship I learned I was clairaudient, I learned I could remotely view someone without even trying. I learned there is no stronger psychic connection than between two people who are bound through the heart. I learned I have the ability to see past lives and see those same patterns repeating in this one.
I learned that Souls have free will as well as lessons to be learned. So you can only plot your way forward with the knowledge you have in this moment until something or someone chooses something different.
None of it makes sense and yet it also makes perfect sense too.
As a psychic channel I feel things deeply and that isn’t always easy. I also see a lot more than sometimes others would like because I can’t simply turn away from a Soul’s truth when I see it in front of me. This makes it difficult for people to be around me if they wish to hide from themselves.
When I help people by using my gifts whether it’s a friend struggling with a problem or a client struggling with direction, I always come back to one inescapable thing – what does their Soul want to do? What is their truth? And then how can we peel back all the stories and energetic blocks that get in the way of it.
It’s powerful work and people need to be ready for it. But, oh, when they are, that is when the magic happens because anything is possible.
In past lives I have been burned at the stake, pursued, murdered and lived in fear of my gifts. In this lifetime, I have walked through metaphorical fires many times when it comes to the truth and my psychic gifts.
Nothing happens by mistake. There are no coincidences and it was no coincidence that I met that man all those years ago. It was no accident that he broke me in fundamental ways so I could rebuild myself in a different form.
It was no mistake that my creativity has flourished since.
Whatever challenge you’re facing right now, it is not a mistake. It is part of your lesson. A lesson your Soul signed up for.
If you need help to navigate your way forward, get in touch. You don’t have to do it alone, I’ve been there and I know the road out.
If you’ve found this post then you’re someone who wants to create change in the world. You want to live differently to the way your parents and other people you know have lived. You have a vision or maybe just an inkling of doing things differently.
Have you ever shared your desire, your dream, your vision with someone you thought would have your back? Maybe you opened up just a little and trusted them.
You wanted their support and understanding but instead, all you heard was something like:
“Oh look that sounds a bit like a dream to me and not very realistic”
“I really think you need to be a bit more practical”
“I think that’s something you can do on the side. But for now you should finish your degree and get a really good job”
“We never had these opportunities when we were young and we wanted to make sure that you have them. So don’t waste them. Get a good job and get paid well. Forget all that other stuff because it’s not very realistic. Just go out and achieve, achieve, achieve.” (This may come from your parents if they didn’t have a lot of opportunities.)
When you get this type of negative or “realistic” feedback about what you want to create, it can be really hard to keep your focus and maintain your faith in your ability to make your dreams real.
But there are things you can do to make sure their stories and negative feedback doesn’t take you off track and stop you from living your purpose.
Understand their response is about THEIR STORY NOT YOURS.
We all tell ourselves stories about what is possible and what is not. These are based on our experiences, beliefs and interactions with others.
But if you share your desire or dream with someone and their story negatively influences their response, you potentially enter a danger zone. If you are not feeling really grounded and centred in yourself, you will take their story on as your truth. This is dangerous for you because it’s not the truth. It is just a story they believe and they are projecting it onto you.
It’s possible their dreams were squashed when they were young and they lost hope that they could do anything different. This led them to conform and do what their parents, community and friends wanted them to do. So your idea to do something that bucks the system will confront their beliefs and the story they’ve been telling themselves about what their life can, could or should be.
I’m not trying to invalidate their perspectives because those experiences will be real for them. But that’s their story, NOT YOURS. You’re here to create your own story.
Yes, you need to be able to support yourself financially, look after and be responsible for yourself. But that doesn’t mean you have to live the same kind of life that other people think you should live.
ALL OR NOTHING THINKING can stop you before you start
Sometimes we also have all or nothing thinking and this stops us from moving forward. You will be worrying that if you make the wrong decision now, you might screw everything up. This leaves you feeling indecisive and sometimes you avoid making any decisions at all.
But whatever you’re doing when you’re aged 20, 22, 25, 27, etcetera, YOU WON’T BE DOING THOSE THINGS IN ANOTHER 10 YEARS. Nothing stays the same for that long so you’re better off taking a chance in this moment, doing what feels right for you and moving forward. Otherwise you will be waiting for the perfect time and a guaranteed outcome (neither of these exist!!).
One particular decision is rarely going to make or break your entire life. Waiting for other people to “get it”, and understand and support your decisions is also wasting time.
If other people don’t agree with your life choices, that is not your problem.
Yes, we all want people to like us. But you cannot put yourself into a box to help other people feel more comfortable with their life choices. That’s not your job.
What other people think of you is none of your business. You need to focus on what you think of you!
Focus on what you feel is the next right step for you and trust yourself. When you do that, you are moving forward with your life purpose and life path. You will meet other people along the way who will get what you are trying to do. They will understand what you’re trying to create and will support you. But there will be others who will test your faith in yourself.
You need to make the best decision for you right now and understand that not everyone is going to agree with you, and that’s okay. Sure, sit back and question yourself a little but then ask yourself “Okay, what feels like the right thing for me?” then follow that and know it’s all going to work out. It probably won’t look like you think it will – life never works out the way we think it should. But it’s going to work out beautifully and in the best possible way for you.
If you’re ready to follow your dreams and create the life your Soul is calling out for, check out the Dream Creators Collective – an intensive six-week transformational process for intuitives, empaths and energetically-sensitive people who are ready to create change and serve humanity.
If you are sick of feeling like you’re not enough…if you’re tired of the BS…if you’re done with that annoying voice in your head that keeps making excuses and says you can’t or you shouldn’t, then the Dream Creators Collectiveis for you.
It’s for people who are ready to get serious, develop epic self-trust and harness their intuition so they can get out there and create change in the world.
The Dream Creators Collectiveis about learning practical skills to help you manage overwhelm and move you forward, managing and using your intuitive gifts, exploring your passions, living your purpose and connecting with yourself and others.
The six-week transformational process starts in early December 2019. Limited spaces.
I’ve had a lot of people give me the message that using their intuition costs them too much and they are unwilling to pay the price. While their actual words may have varied over the years, the message has been the same:
When I use it, I upset people [I would rather they upset me. I don’t want to upset anyone]
I don’t trust it but I trust my brain so I weigh everything up in my head first before making a decision [even though I’m experiencing anxiety every day, constantly feel like I’m in the wrong place and it eventually blows up in my face when I don’t trust it]
I think it might be my fear talking [so I ignore it)
It’s telling me I have to do something else but I don’t know how to so… [I’m going to keep doing what I’ve always done]
I “know” I need to leave/change but before I do that I think I have to do X first [finds reasons to not to listen to themselves]
I want X but maybe some people never get what they want because… [if I did what I want I would have to change my life/upset someone/stop doing destructive behaviours]
I’ve had this idea to do something but I don’t think I’m good enough so… [I’m going back to doing what I’ve always done and not chase my dream]
I feel like something isn’t right with him but everyone else thinks he’s great so… [gets screwed over by a colleague at work]
I “know” he’s not right for me but I’m going to make it work because security/don’t want to be alone/kids [ends up in unhappy and destructive relationship]
My parents/colleagues/friends think that’s all just “woo woo” [and I don’t want to stand out because I don’t want to be rejected…but I’m probably never going to be happy either]
I feel like doing this thing is right for me but X thinks something else and they are a lot more sensible than me so… [continues to believe that their own knowing can’t be trusted and isn’t as valuable as someone else’s opinion”.
Have you found yourself thinking or saying these words over the years? You are not alone because a lot of people do the same. But, just like you, they’re not 100 percent happy with where they’re at in life because they’re not trusting themselves and listening to their intuition. Because the true “cost” of listening to your intuition is letting go of what your mind and sometimes other people think should happen and instead trusting that your life is going to be far more expansive and yes, unpredictable that you could ever imagine.
Yes, you will probably have to change things and make decisions that may upset the status quo occasionally. Yes, you will have to learn how to trust yourself implicitly and be prepared to take risks. And yes, you will have to sacrifice the uncomfortably comfortable life you may have built for yourself where your mind feels like it can relax because it has a pretty good idea about what comes next (even if your heart feels unfulfilled/miserable).
So yes, there will be a price to pay if you start tuning in, listening to and then taking action when your intuition calls you forward.
But I believe the price will be much higher if you don’t use it. Don’t you?
If you’re ready to learn how to tune in confidently and begin taking positive action that moves you forward so you can live your Soul’s Mission (i.e. do those things you were born to do) then the doors for Nights for Spiritual Beginners are open for you. The next program starts in February and there is an EARLY BIRD SPECIAL (finishes on 30 January) with your name on it.
It’s for women who are ready to create change and serve humanity; women who are ready to passionately create the life they love and blaze a trail by doing things differently and showing others how it’s done? Are you one of those women? The choice is yours. Email firstname.lastname@example.org to book your place.
I’ve met a lot of over-thinking women over the years. They are smart and successful women who appear to have it all together. But when they need to make a personal significant decision they are often stricken with over-thinking, reasoning every little detail half to death before they can decide which way to go. Analysis paralysis often sets in, along with its friends indecision and self-doubt. It’s not a happy party.
Most of these women are also highly-intuitive but, because they have been taught to rely solely on their minds, conflict arises. The powerful mind wants to make the decision (it naively believes it can control outcomes and not change anything) but the powerful intuitive voice must be smothered in the process. The mind does this through spinning into a whirlwind of activity – over-thinking. This is the only way it make enough noise to block out the intuitive voice. Of course, you can still feel the conflict within you (although you may not be conscious of the cause) and this results in side-effects like anxiety and insomnia.
If you make a decision relying solely on your mind (when your intuitive voice has another suggestion), what invariably happens is your decision comes back to bite you a day, year or decade later when you find yourself saying, “I knew I should have done A instead of B” (although you can’t quite explain how you “knew” at all.
The key is to learn how to tune into your intuition effectively and give it an equal seat at the decision making table. This ultimately makes decision making a whole lot easier and far less stressful. If you’re tired of the over-thinking and you’re ready to harness your Intuitive Power, get in touch to book your place in the Nights for Spiritual Beginners. Over six powerful weeks you will learn the skills you need to kick your indecision and doubt to the kerb, and begin connecting to your Soul’s Mission so can get out there and begin creating changing and serving humanity in this lifetime. The first class for January starts soon and places are limited so stop over-thinking, listen to your intuition and get in touch.
I’ve been coming up against fear lately. I’m not talking about feeling a little anxious or concerned. I’m actually talking about pure terror and it’s not for a reason that may make sense to you.
You see, I’m not usually a fearful person. Many people who know me well would probably tell you I’m one of the least fearful people they’ve ever met. I’m the one out there on the edge, taking risks. But I’m not talking about physical risks like base jumping. I’m talking about emotional and personal risks that put myself out there; pushing my personal boundaries and jumping in where angels fear to tiptoe, that sort of thing. You see, being completely and wholly myself is incredibly important to me but the downside (for want of a better word) is that I am often left exposed emotionally and quite vulnerable. I feel compelled to ‘go there’, move forward and expand who I am but in order to do so, I often have to prise my own fingertips from the window ledge and allow myself to freefall, not knowing where I will land.
Recently the Universe has been pushing me to go to the edges of my comfort zone again and it’s been bringing up fear, big time. From being asked to perform in my Latin dance class in front of other dancers (and in the future, public audiences), to really going for it in my business and some other challenges, I’ve been feeling incredibly exposed.
How can dancing in front of my class make me feel terrified when I can confidently get up in front of a more than 100 people and present (and enjoy it!)? I know it doesn’t make sense. But it’s true. As I said to one of my classmates, “I’m not talking about something rational.” Fear is never rational.
When I shared my fears with my sister she suggested I need to do the things I’m terrified of and there’s a reason the Universe is sending these things my way.
The irony of her comments did not escape me as it’s the kind of advice I usually give to other people.
One of the most interesting things about my fear is observing how I respond when it comes up. In short, every part of me goes into resistance and a range of emotions riot at the surface. The anger, resentment and sometimes tearfulness I feel at being pushed to do something every part of me is resisting is extreme. I want to run from the room immediately, yell or nail my feet to the floor so they can’t move me.
It’s such an over-the-top reaction that it would be amusing, if I wasn’t experiencing it. I also know that such a radical response definitely warrants further investigation because it is blocking my progress forward in some way. In my experience, this type of response usually covers something that needs to come to the surface and be released.
Everyone has fears and you don’t have to do the thing you’re scared of. I’m certainly not going to commit to dancing in front of others just yet. But I am committed to closely looking at the fear it brings up and then taking steps to resolve it.
Perhaps you may see me in a public dance performance yet.
Lucretia is an author, psychic channel and transformational teacher who helps women move past their fears and connect to their inner truth. Her personalised intuitive mentoring programs help women reclaim their Intuitive Power and Live Their Soul’s Mission. Contact Lucretia at email@example.com for more information. You can also find more of her work onFacebookandInstagram