My house looks like a rubbish tip and not a well-organised one. I’m moving and my previously ordered (mostly) belongings are now strewn haphazardly around the place as if thieves ransacked my home last night. But there have been no thieving visitors, only me and my random packing methods over the past few weeks.
It’s a strange feeling to be putting all my stuff into boxes. When you live in one place for 13 years, you accumulate a lot of memories and items to go with them. I’ve rediscovered artwork from my childhood and travel documents from my first solo overseas trip. I also found three small figurines tucked into the back of a sideboard. I can remember proudly buying them at Paddy’s Market with my very own pocket money when I was about 12 years old. As I held them in my hands I was transported back to a time when my life felt softer and gentler somehow.
As things are moved, packed or given away, my emotions tumble this way and that – just like I hope the boxes won’t do in the removalist’s storage container on Thursday.
Anxiety, optimism and fearfulness have paid a few visits. Tears have been shed as I’ve recalled a fond or painful memory. I’ve pictured my two cats SuperPuss and Mirabel, now passed, wandering then hallway and keeping me company, showing me love and lifting my spirits. I’ve seen again in my mind’s eye, my body on the floor sobbing with heartbreak over more than one man who did not deserve the love I offered.
I wrote and published my first anonymous blog post in this house – terrified that someone would know it was me. I also wrote and published my first book here too and began my first business enterprise.
When I move into my new home, it will hold no memories for me. Instead it will be a clean slate; a new place to create a different life.
The thought of that newness and letting go of the known of this place is scary and enticing in turns. But before I reach that place, I must first navigate and bring order to the chaos I’m currently surrounded by.
As a humble human being, I still get frustrated when things don’t go my way. I’m at Point A and I want to get to Point B. Should be straightforward, right? But in life I find it rarely is.
The older I get and the more self-awareness I develop, the more I realise just how circular our life path is. There is nothing linear about it.
Consider Exhibit A, the entrepreneur. By their very nature this creature is a creative thinker. They are not working in a straight line. They are looking here, over there, under there and seeing patterns and connections where others only see structures and what has been before. Their creations are not born of a linear path.
Consider your own life in the same way; it is not a straight line from birth to death. There are twists and turns, and ups and downs. Connections are formed and broken, then sometimes formed again in seemingly random patterns. Our experiences form layer upon layer in our psyche, stacking up, collapsing and reforming; circles upon circles.
Is it any wonder my lovely rational brain (with its many fine qualities) feels frustrated? My brain is trained to want the linear. Straight lines and clear outcomes. A + B = C not X – 2 +B + TxT – Y= Q/N x 2Z. My mind craves the linear like an alcoholic craves liquor at dawn.
But life isn’t like that. It gets less like that every day.
Life is circular and interconnected with layers and side streets, blind alleys and roundabouts. Linear is a non-existent channel to nowhere.
Far better (as I frequently urge my brain) to accept this journey as the wonderfully circular and unexpected travail it surely is. What was so great about the ‘expected’ anyway?
Better to accept I have no clue what will happen tomorrow let alone next year. I must accept the Universe has its own timetable and a roadmap written in a language I have never heard of and cannot pronounce. I simply need to fit into the Universe’s master plan (without knowing what it is) and attempt as much non-resistance as I can to achieve a semblance of sustainable peace.
The circular patterns of life must be embraced and I must abandon my plans for the linear. Linear life is a construct destined for extinction. Linear life doesn’t really exist.
Are you interested in expanding your self-awareness and exploring the non-linear path? If so, check out my intuitive mentoring services at Lucretia’s Words
One of my colleagues was feeling bored recently so he decided to Google the people around him. Once he finally worked out how to spell my name correctly (Lucretia is a little tricky), he typed it in and then turned to me with a look of surprise and perhaps, incomprehension, on his face.
Some of the images on his screen were, in many ways, very different to the face he saw a couple of desks away. His surprise made me laugh aloud and then, for a moment, I wanted to erase them all because I didn’t feel like they were very flattering.
Of course, I couldn’t do that without a lot of effort (nothing ever disappears on the Internet) and I realise now that I don’t want to. When I look at those images or the ones on Facebook or elsewhere, I can see the marks of where I’ve come from drawn all over my face and body.
The photos document when I was miserable inside (and carrying far too much weight as a result) and they show when I’m in recovery from a break-up. They also portray the moment when I was in a foreign land, independently forging ahead as life’s adventures called me on. Others show me when I am, quite simply, happy with my life.
None of those pictures show me as I am now. How could they? In any given moment we can transform from the person we were two minutes ago into the person we choose to become.
It is this capacity to transform rapidly that I can see when I look back over my photos from the past decade or so. I have transformed my life from what it was and moved it into the direction of what I wish it to be. I am no longer the same person.
But that woman in my past, the one who was just trying to do her best at any given moment, deserves my compassion. She doesn’t deserve to be erased because she was awkward, made mistakes or wore bad outfits. Instead she should be celebrated and embraced with all of her lumps, bumps and her sometimes less than ideal choices, because she is me. She is where I’ve come from and where I’ve learned who I am.
Every image that captured her progress shows transformation underway. A transformation into someone I love…me. Those images show that change is possible, that I have learned from my choices (positive and not so positive) and that my potential for growth is unlimited.
What a gift then to see my more rounded face with bad hair and a strained smile on the screen. Because that woman is me and she is a wonderful human being. Just like everyone else walking around on this beautiful planet.
Yesterday I was dwelling on something I really want and trying to work out how it could come to pass. How? How could this think I really want ever happen when it seems impossible right now?
My mind tore at the problem this way and that. How?
Now, my inner guidance has shown me repeatedly that this thing will come to pass and it’s all about timing. I just need to live my purpose and all will be fine. But still my mind won’t let it go. So I torment myself. It’s not much fun.
But yesterday morning something new happened. A voice inside me said, ‘Commit. Commit to it.’
‘Commit. Commit. Commit.’
The word reverberated through every part of me and drowned out every other thought and doubt.
‘Commit. Commit to what you want. Commit to it.’
The voice was insistent and I finally decided to listen.
This thought in my head, this thing I desire to have in my life, needed a commitment.
So I committed. I acknowledged that I am committed to that thing happening in my life. I acknowledged that I cannot understand the ‘how’ and that much of it is out of my control. But I committed to it anyway.
It was time for me to step up and out of my doubt. It was time to believe and commit. So I have. And I feel so much better for it.
If you desire something with your whole heart, it’s not enough to think about it as something that’s in the distance; something that’s never going to be real. You have to commit to it happening.
You may have no idea how your dream could ever become a reality. But if you don’t commit to it, it will never be a reality.
Commitment to your dream is one of the first steps towards manifesting that beautiful thing in your life. So commit to it. And then wait for the Universe to show you the next step. Because there will be other steps. And they will involve believing it’s possible, knowing that you deserve that thing you desire and a whole lot of other things. But the first step, is definitely committing to it.
It’s been an interesting couple of days for me. As a psychic I often have spiritual growth spurts when new information drops in whether I like it or not. Sometimes this is challenging because it makes me see things a different way. My boundaries are pushed and the Universe asks me to go further into my awareness and expand myself and my capacity. Quite frankly, it can turn my world upside down and inside out as realisations challenge everything that has gone before.
The last few days have been like that. In one instance, I walked past someone and, although I know them well and felt their energy in every part of me, my eyes didn’t recognise them because I saw only the mask they were showing the rest of the world. I knew the person underneath but I didn’t recognise the person they were showing to the outside world.
That was a shock for me, but I shouldn’t have been surprised. When we try to play a role we believe is expected of us, we all put on a mask. It’s how we cope. ‘Maybe if I act like everything is okay and act like this role fits me, it will,’ we think.
But it doesn’t work.
Most people will be taken in by the mask because we can be very convincing. We will even convince ourselves that it fits for a while. But eventually our mask will slip, usually when we find ourselves with time on our hands and no one is around to distract us, and that’s when the realisations really start. Our mask falls to the floor and we realise we can’t and don’t want to play that role anymore. We don’t want to be that person we’re ‘supposed’ to be. We have to look at ourselves, go deep and face the truth within.
We want something different. We want to be the person we are on the inside. And often that person, our authentic self, is not the person we’ve been raised to be or who our culture expects us to be.
Some of us, maybe even you, will still try to wear the mask. And you may succeed for a while. But it will never really fit properly because the Universe will be asking you to go in another direction. It’s asking you to follow your heart and be who you truly are. And it’s asking you to listen to your inner voice to help you get where you need to be.
I know the person I saw the other day will have to remove their mask eventually and their outside will match their inside again. I’m looking forward to that day because that person on the inside is amazing.
In the meantime I know I can help other people who have already felt their mask slip.
I’m running a course that will help them find their way back to their authentic selves and empower them to chart their own path forward in a way that fits them.
If you’d like to know more and it feels right for you, I’d encourage you to visit the information on this website about my Nights for Spiritual Beginners – Introductory Course (see http://wp.me/Pirqj-g1) which begins this Wednesday in Brisbane. I’d love to see you there.
Not long after I moved into my first house as a newly-single person, I bought a metal sculpture of a naked woman, reclining backwards, holding a candle aloft.
These days the sculpture has migrated from my lounge-room to the deck and, although it looks a little worse for wear, it still attracts interest from my visitors.
Often they are intrigued. ‘Why do you like that?’ they ask. ‘What’s that about?’
My answer is always the same, ‘She symbolises how I wish to live my life. Naked, open to the world and lighting my own way.’
Now don’t misunderstand me. You won’t see me strolling through my local streets without clothes on anytime soon. It’s more of a metaphor.
The nakedness and openness speak to my desire to live openly, without barriers and from the heart. I wish to live as I truly am, not as others or society expects me to be.
I wish to light my own way by knowing I always have the strength and light within me to keep moving forward because I trust my own judgement and intuition. It’s not about turning away from the assistance of others. Instead it’s about knowing that my light comes from within me and I can re-light my own candle whenever I choose. I do not have to wait for someone else to light it for me.
When life gets difficult, as it does for all of us, it can be easy to put up barriers between ourselves and others, close down our hearts and let our light go out. It can be easy to lose faith that we have the strength and inner guidance to find our way forward, to take the next step, to just keep going.
But in those moments I will glimpse the naked lady and I’m reminded of my capacity to find my way. Like me, she has some age spots (in her case, rust) showing up here and there, and she has weathered a few storms. She has matured a little more and, in my more fanciful moments, I imagine she has, like me, relaxed into her own (metal) skin over the years.
Yet in spite of all the bumps, rust, storms and challenges of living exposed to the elements, she is still there naked, open to the world and lighting her own way. She is still there inspiring me to do the same