by Lucky Lucy | Oct 21, 2015 | empowerment, mentor, self discovery |
Years ago, during a time of great confusion in my life, a kind mentor advised me to write a letter to myself because I felt lost and was unsure how to make a major decision.
‘Write a letter to yourself,’ she said. ‘Just go somewhere where you feel safe and won’t be disturbed, then write by hand (no computer allowed), “Dear Lucy, What do you want?” then write until you can write no more. Don’t edit as you go. Just write.’
That first letter helped me gain so much clarity about my life and what I wanted. I’ve also used this technique several times since then when I’ve been unsure of how I wished to move forward.
I’ve also shared this process (and a few others) with my clients and friends over the years because I know how powerful it is. Writing a letter to yourself allows you to articulate what you want.
This idea of allowing yourself to openly ‘want’ things has been coming up in a few of my conversations recently. So many of us seem to struggle with ‘wanting’. For some reason, we often don’t think it’s okay to want the things we truly desire. Comments range from ‘I don’t want to want too much’ to ‘I don’t know what I want’. Other times when asked, ‘What do you want?’ we simply respond with a blank frozen look because we don’t feel brave enough to speak our truth or we haven’t given ourselves permission to acknowledge what we want…even to ourselves.
We will get in our own way a hundred times to avoid saying and claiming what we want. And I have definitely been guilty of this myself, many times in my life.
Sometimes we worry that others might laugh at what we want or worse, they might think we’re ‘getting too big for our boots’. We may even think we’re not worthy of that thing so we’ll decide it’s best to not even admit to ourselves. Or maybe that thing will disrupt our lives so we decide to play along with things as they are while becoming more and more dissatisfied with each passing day, month and year. We will stumble along trying to make things work that never quite come together and we always feel like something is missing.
But, let’s face it. This is not a recipe for a fulfilling life. So, for those of you who are hiding from your ‘want’ or trying to uncover it, might I suggest a letter-writing activity is in order? It always help me get clarity when I’m struggling and I know it will help you too.
You don’t have to tell anyone about it. It’s just for you and it’s no one else’s business. But you will find that one letter will help you see what you really want. That will be the first step towards articulating aloud and then claiming the very things that will make your heart sing.
So stop running away from your want and you might even find you can have it.
by Lucky Lucy | Aug 20, 2015 | self belief, self discovery, Self esteem, Sense of self |
The intersection outside my university was almost at a standstill this morning but it wasn’t due to the usual peak hour traffic. Instead, at around 7.53am, the cars were slowing to avoid an intrepid bush turkey who’d decided to take that moment to dash across George Street at great personal peril.
The turkey seemed to know where he was heading, kind of, but his route was more than a little random. He set off at rapid sprint from the curb before doubling back, changing direction, stopping, starting, swerving and seeming to change his mind, before moving forward again. He did this several times while the surrounding drivers attempted to avoid turkey carnage and the rest of us watched on, shaking our heads and yes, laughing at his craziness.
That turkey didn’t seem to know what the heck he was doing.
Once he finally made his way to the opposite footpath, he ran headlong into the fence surrounding the botanical gardens (which I presume was his ultimate destination), before doubling back, running a little to the right then the left, then back again before setting off towards the entrance a few metres down. As I passed by, he still hadn’t quite made it and I heard one of the nearby students laughingly say, ‘Those turkeys are soooo stupid.’
The turkey could have taken a direct route across the road. He could’ve waited for the traffic lights and been carried along with the tide of humanity before taking a sharp left turn into the gardens and relative safety. But he didn’t. Instead he didn’t seem to know where he was going. He prevaricated, changed his mind, stopped, started and simply went all over the place in a way that looked quite insane to passersby. His route did not make any sense, and seemed unnecessarily dangerous and time-consuming.
As I walked on to my first class, I laughed a little more to myself when I realised I have also acted like that turkey on a number of occasions. There have been more than a few times in my life when, with a lack of self-belief and no clear direction, I have hurried this way and that in a way that probably seemed mad to the people watching. I would’ve had a goal in mind but I didn’t have a map or a plan on how to get there so I took the most confused road on the way. Most of the time, I eventually got where I wanted to go, but it was not the most seamless or enjoyable journey.
I’ve been observing a friend of mine doing something similar lately and have been shaking my head and thinking, ‘Why doesn’t X just go straight ahead? Can’t they see the signs?’ [It’s funny how life reflects parts of yourself back to you, isn’t it?]
When we don’t have strong self-belief we take longer to get where we want to go because we undermine our choices along the way. We don’t think we deserve that thing we really want so we question ourselves, sometimes seek the conflicting advice of others (which confuses us even more), think we can’t make it, and so on. It makes our journey very challenging, sometimes painful and, to an outsider, we can look a bit like the bush turkey– indecisive, a bit out of control and clueless.
But, here’s what I’ve worked out. Sometimes we just need to believe we deserve what we want, and then we have to go for it. We need to keep that goal clear in our minds and give it everything we’ve got. Backing yourself in this way takes courage but we’ve all got that inside us (even if you’ve buried it for years and years, you can still dig it out if you’re determined). Once you believe you deserve something, a lot of the angst disappears. You will of course have moments of doubt on the road but they won’t derail you and you’ll be less likely to put yourself in dangerous (mental or emotional) situations because you will be clear on what is best for you. Your progress will be a lot less traumatic as a result.
I think the turkey this morning had his goal in mind but his internal monologue was probably something like this…
‘There it is, that’s where I want to go. But, hang on, I can’t. There’s too much in the way.
‘Ooops, sorry, didn’t mean to get in your way. Sorry to inconvenience you. Yes, I know you really are more important than me. Sorry. Maybe I should go back? Yes, you’re probably right. Sorry. I should just go back where I was.
‘But hang on, there it is. I can see the gate. No. I can’t. I don’t really deserve to be there. But I want it. But…no.
‘Hang on. There’s a gap there. Can I get through? Oops, sorry. They’re laughing at me. I’m such an idiot. Why didn’t I get up earlier when there were less people to see me being such a loser…’
Does any of that sound familiar?
Imagine instead, self-talk that went something like this…
‘Okay. I can see where I want to go and I know I deserve it. I know I’m going to make some mistakes on the way, but that’s okay because I’m human and I’m learning.
‘Now, what’s the best way to get there. Mmm. Okay, don’t panic. I got this. Just need to stay calm. Oops, must remember to wait for the green pedestrian light next time, lesson learned. Time to take a breath over here in this safe spot.
‘Hang on, excuse me, you seem to know where you’re going, can I walk along here with you? Thanks. By the way, can you tell me the best way to get to the gate? Oh, this way? Right. Thanks, have a nice day.’
So, my point is this. Sometimes when we’re working things out, when we doubt ourselves and so on, we can look a bit like a bush turkey. And that’s okay. But maybe next time you could be a little kinder to yourself and use positive self-talk instead of the negative kind to help on your journey.
And the next time you see someone ‘doing a bush turkey’ maybe you could cheer them on from the footpath for at least giving it a shot, and maybe give them some helpful directions (or a handful of birdseed).
by Lucky Lucy | Jul 18, 2015 | self development, self discovery, Sense of self, story |
A while ago I found myself advising a friend that he should tell himself a different story. He was really down and hard on himself. He felt like he couldn’t make any headway in the direction he wanted to go.
‘Tell yourself a different story,’ I said. ‘That story isn’t serving you anymore so tell yourself something different.’
Ironically, today I found myself saying the same thing…to me. And then I laughed aloud. It’s funny how the advice you give to others can often be just as useful for yourself.
I’ve been telling myself a story in one part of my life and that story isn’t serving me anymore. So now I need to tell myself a new one.
So often, particularly after something disappointing or hurtful happens (once, twice of maybe many times), we hold onto the story of that situation and then look for ways to validate it. We ignore the wonderful things right in front of us, i.e. the parts of our lives that are working beautifully, and instead focus on that same outdated story from the past. And by focusing on the story of our past we are doomed to repeat it.
Now I’m not saying your story wasn’t valid. Something happened to cause you pain and you should absolutely acknowledge, grieve and then heal that wound. But if you keep telling yourself that story, it will be all you ever see. It will restrict your life, confine you to the past and prevent you moving forward. And that would be a tragedy because there is a world of potential staring you in the face right now. I guarantee it.
So just as I hope my old friend eventually told himself a different story, one of hope, transformation and positivity, I plan to do the same in that part of my life where I’ve been holding back. Because that old story of my past is no longer serving me.
It’s time to let a new story begin
by Lucky Lucy | Jun 11, 2015 | self development, self discovery, speak your truth |
Be the note of discord
That challenges what has been
There is no need to stay where you are
Even salmon swim upstream
Be the note of discord
You know it whispers within
It longs to tell all to those who listen
Can you hear it above the din
Be the note of discord
Do not care what it may cost
For you can no longer hold
Your tongue without your loss
Be the note of discord
Be what you want to be
Cast off the veneer of circumstance
And be all you can be.
Be the note of discord
You know that it is time
To show the world what you’re really made of
You’re not a silent mime
Be the note of discord
Enough really is enough
It cannot be accepted anymore
It’s time to call their bluff
Be the note of discord
For those who turn away
Cannot know that you hold the truth
You hold it all in sway.
Be the note of discord
It’s time for all your words
Of all that can be
Of the possibility
It’s time to break from the herd.
by Lucky Lucy | May 24, 2015 | Fear, Life, self development, self discovery, Sense of self |
Yesterday I was dwelling on something I really want and trying to work out how it could come to pass. How? How could this think I really want ever happen when it seems impossible right now?
My mind tore at the problem this way and that. How?
Now, my inner guidance has shown me repeatedly that this thing will come to pass and it’s all about timing. I just need to live my purpose and all will be fine. But still my mind won’t let it go. So I torment myself. It’s not much fun.
But yesterday morning something new happened. A voice inside me said, ‘Commit. Commit to it.’
‘Commit. Commit. Commit.’
The word reverberated through every part of me and drowned out every other thought and doubt.
‘Commit. Commit to what you want. Commit to it.’
The voice was insistent and I finally decided to listen.
This thought in my head, this thing I desire to have in my life, needed a commitment.
So I committed. I acknowledged that I am committed to that thing happening in my life. I acknowledged that I cannot understand the ‘how’ and that much of it is out of my control. But I committed to it anyway.
It was time for me to step up and out of my doubt. It was time to believe and commit. So I have. And I feel so much better for it.
If you desire something with your whole heart, it’s not enough to think about it as something that’s in the distance; something that’s never going to be real. You have to commit to it happening.
You may have no idea how your dream could ever become a reality. But if you don’t commit to it, it will never be a reality.
Commitment to your dream is one of the first steps towards manifesting that beautiful thing in your life. So commit to it. And then wait for the Universe to show you the next step. Because there will be other steps. And they will involve believing it’s possible, knowing that you deserve that thing you desire and a whole lot of other things. But the first step, is definitely committing to it.
So commit. Be courageous and commit.
by Lucky Lucy | May 15, 2015 | Emotional, self development, self discovery, Self esteem, Sense of self |
When are you going to realise there is absolutely nothing wrong with you? You are perfect just the way you are, and all those imperfections and faults you see when you look in the mirror are part of being human.
Yes, in this lifetime you will be tested and frequently asked by the Universe to be a better version of yourself. You will be asked to give more than you have ever given. You will be asked to let go of the way things used to be and you will resist it. That is life.
You will be asked to dig deep. To plunge into the depths of your soul and discover that which is hidden from the rest of the world – your shadows and the gifts that are unique to you.
Sometimes you will run and hide. You may run for months, years, decades. You will seek to flee from the very things your soul desires – love, purpose, joy. You may instead explore the darkest parts of yourself and that too is how it should be. For after all you are human, and here to learn all there is to know about yourself too.
But sooner or later, for most of us I hope it is sooner, you will realise you are perfect just the way you are. You will have faith in your ability to bring light into the world; faith in your ability to give love from the deepest parts of you.
Your hidden frustrations and anger will dissipate because you will stop being frustrated and angry with yourself. You will know that love is offered to you in a hundred ways every day. You just need to open your heart to receive it.
And yes, you will keep improving and making mistakes every day until you pass over into the next world.
But you will have peace in this lifetime because you’ll know there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. And you will know that the people who love you see that too.
