Following on from my last blog, a friend asked how did I get to the point where I was strong enough to trust myself, know that I could make good decisions and then do what I knew was best for me…regardless of how unpopular it might make me.
I can’t say it happened overnight. It was more of an evolutionary process and the breakdown of my marriage was certainly part of it. I had a moment when the Universe sent me a very clear message that there was something wrong with the life I had created. Forces out of my control made me realise, ‘Hang on. Something is not right here.’
After my wake-up call I had to face parts of myself that I’d been pushing down for a long time. I’d been squashing them down because I’d been so worried about doing the right thing, being seen as the good person and never really believing that I knew what was best for me.
It should be noted that I resisted what I call the ‘face up to yourself’ process. After all, why would you want to face something that’s going to turn your whole life upside down?
But nevertheless, eventually, I had to look myself in the eye in the bathroom mirror and face who I really was. I no longer wanted the things I used to want. There was more to me than I thought. Who knew?
Then I had to accept the parts of me I knew might be unpopular with others. I had to accept that other people might not agree that I knew what was best for me. I had to let go of my fear of stuffing up, not being responsible and so on.
I also had to accept myself wholly and completely, including my flaws and weaknesses (I’m still working on this one).
Then after a long struggle (I was very, very hard on myself) I gave myself permission to make the decisions I knew were best for me. In this example, that meant leaving my marriage.
A few years have passed now and every year I get better at the whole trusting myself and my own decisions thing. I’m more in touch with my intuition than ever before and I’m not afraid to say, ‘No, this isn’t for me,’ and walk away from situations that others would put up with to ‘keep the peace’. I’m really not interested in keeping the peace at my own expense anymore. I just don’t see the point.
So I guess the short answer to my friend’s question is, firstly I was honest with myself about who I was and what I really wanted. Secondly, I accepted myself. Thirdly, I trusted myself to make good decisions and realised that I had to do what was best for me. And finally, I made decisions and took the actions I needed to take and dealt with the unpopularity that ensued.
In a nutshell, I realised that the right decisions for me might also make me unpopular.
But I was okay with that.