by Lucky Lucy | Feb 16, 2016 | create your life, empowerment, follow your dreams, self development, Uncategorized |
Our ability to keep ourselves small and negate our achievements is something that constantly surprises me. Comments like, ‘I don’t think I’ve done any interesting stuff’ or the rejection of a genuine compliment with a dismissive ‘Oh, this is just an old skirt’ or ‘I need to lose 5kgs’ are just some of the examples that have recently popped up in conversations with people I care about.
I’m not a paragon of virtue in this area either. I can be just as dismissive of my own strengths, talents and attributes. It’s an unhealthy habit and one I’m trying to break.
Australians have long been taught that we shouldn’t get too ‘big for our britches’. The tall poppy syndrome, where we try to keep others ‘in their place’, has long been part of our culture. Our capacity for self-deprecation is also very common indeed. But when I hear people bring themselves down I wonder, is it really healthy to make ourselves small when there are enough reasons to be pulled down in this world?
I often find myself repeating in my head, anything is possible if you believe. It’s become a bit of a personal mantra for me. But this habit of keeping ourselves small works in direct opposition to that. So I have this internal struggle of believing I can achieve what I long for, while being undermined by the fear of pushing myself forward. It’s a bit of a challenge to negotiate this conflict.
Unfortunately, other people often play a role in supporting this idea that we should not stand out too much. One friend was recently told that she should tone down her resume after she reached a certain level in a recruitment process because she’d (in a nutshell) ‘already stood out to get to that stage anyway and didn’t need to do that anymore’.
Hmm. I say a big fat ‘no’ to that one. Standing out and being who you are is a good thing. Being truly yourself, being authentic and going for what you want is absolutely what you should be doing. Living the essence of you, your purpose, is what you’re here to do. It’s not about ramming how great you are down everyone’s throats. Instead it’s about claiming the fabulousness that is you. But you can’t do that if you don’t acknowledge that you have unique gifts and skills no one else has. Because there is no one else on this planet who can do exactly what you do in the way you do it.
So the next time you think, ‘I haven’t done anything that great’ step back and give yourself a little credit. And the next time someone gives you a compliment say, ‘thank you’ and know you deserve it.
You don’t have to make yourself small to keep other people comfortable. That’s not what you’re here to do. You’re here to shine. So gather your courage, step into the light and say, ‘Here I am Universe and I’m going for it!’
I’ll be here cheering you on from the sidelines.
Would you like to learn more about living your purpose and using your intuition to make the right decisions for you? Check out my intuitive mentoring and life purpose sessions at lucretiaswords.com I’d love to help you on your journey.
by Lucky Lucy | Feb 14, 2016 | career, create your life, Dreams, empowerment |
‘What if I go inside and there’s nothing there?’ a good friend asked me today. She’s on the edge of making a major change in her career and knows she needs to go within to get clear about what she truly wants to do. But she’s terrified that she won’t find anything inside. ‘What if I can’t work out what I want?’ she added. ‘What if I can’t do it?’
When she asked me these questions I had a flashback to myself a few years ago when I asked someone else the same questions about me. I too was on the edge of a whole lot of change in my life and truly beginning my journey of self-awareness. I too was terrified that, if I began looking inside myself, there would be nothing but an echoing void.
Fortunately, I discovered there was something inside and it was ‘me’. What’s followed is a journey of self-exploration that is liberating, exhausting and brings many insights about who I am and what I’m on this planet to do.
‘There is something inside,’ I told my friend. ‘It’s you. And she is a beautiful person who is just being a little suffocated because you won’t give her any air. So go within and get to know her because she’s fabulous.’ I also shared my story with her as well.
A lot of us can be too scared to look at ourselves closely. We’ll worry there’s nothing inside or that we’ll uncover parts of ourselves we don’t like. We’ll worry that if we bring those deepest parts of us into the light then we’ll have to take some action and do what we truly want to do…and that might change how things are.
I won’t lie, some of those things will probably happen. You will have to look at the shadowy parts of yourself and acknowledge they are part of who you are (then ‘get real’ on how to manage them). And yes, if you bring those things you truly desire into the light then you will probably need to make some changes. You will feel compelled to do so because you’ll realise you can’t stay where you are. These things will make you feel uncomfortable, unsettled and may upset people who want you to stay the way you’ve always been.
But the journey is really worth it because there are so many positives that come from the experience too. For example, you’ll start to understand what truly makes you happy and will make choices that align with those things. You’ll also connect more strongly with those lighter parts of you that bring so much joy into the world. You’ll be challenged but you’ll grow more than you ever thought possible.
And above all, you will discover (as I have) that there definitely is something inside…and it’s you.
Would you like some support during your voyage of self-discovery? My intuitive mentoring program can help get you started.
by Lucky Lucy | Jan 29, 2016 | Advice, break ups, Emotional, follow your dreams, Uncategorized |
Last weekend, my friend Susan* discovered she had lost some of her friends. Somehow, over the past 12 months, as she became absorbed more and more in her purpose and life in general, her friends began to pull away. Then over the weekend, Susan experienced a ‘friend break-up’.
‘It would be great if you could write a blog about how to deal with that!’ she said. So here it is.
Susan has done a lot over the past year or so. She’s had a baby, established a not-for-profit and organised fundraising events that delivered valuable and much-needed outcomes for those in need. Put simply, she’s been following her heart and purpose to make the world a better place.
Unfortunately, some friends have decided not to support Susan’s journey. For whatever reason, they never ask what she’s up to, they don’t support her fundraising events and they don’t care about the path she has chosen. They don’t get it and now deliberately isolate her at social events. The situation felt like schoolyard bullying and, as she felt hurt by their behaviour, Susan decided to ask them what was going on.
Their reaction wasn’t positive and included statements like ‘All you ever talk about is you’, ‘You’re never free when we want to see you’ and ‘You didn’t come to my party.’
Some of her friends’ complaints stretched back to August last year. But when Susan asked, ‘Why didn’t you say something back then?’ they had no response.
Now, while Susan has been engrossed in various activities and could probably do with more ‘balance ‘in her life generally, she definitely hasn’t been making it all about her. She’s been juggling a baby, work and trying to make the world a better place in the only way she knows how. Susan has been busy but also made an effort to stay in touch with her friends. However, her commitments meant she wasn’t as available as she used to be. Meanwhile, her friends aren’t interested in what she’s doing and want her to be the way she was before.
But Susan isn’t that person anymore and she can’t go back.
‘What do I do?’ she asked with tears in her eyes. ‘I’m doing my best but they’re not interested. They don’t want to know.’
Breaking up with friends is hard but we can’t stay in one place just to make other people comfortable. In life there will be moments when you realise you must leave some people behind. Life is like that. Some people will always be in our lives, others will stay only for a certain period of time before going their own way. Then there are others who will leave and return when the time is right. That’s just how our soul contracts with each other work. We support and learn from each other, then move on when the contract is done (read Sacred Contracts by Caroline Myss if you’d like to know more about this).
Our relationships, platonic, familial and romantic, do require work and commitment. However, sometimes you are simply moving in a different direction and must let go. And that’s okay.
My advice to Susan was to seek out those friends who support her journey; the ones who ‘get’ what she’s trying to do.
‘Seek out the ones who help you feel lightness in your soul and encourage you to live the life your dream of,’ I said. ‘What would that feel like?’ Susan’s smile was all the answer I needed and I felt her spirit lift at the thought.
Some people are only in our lives for a season. Others will remain connected over long periods to teach us lessons or support only certain parts of our lives. And then others will return when we believe the connection is broken, because that too is what’s needed. The challenge is to protect our hearts and know it’s okay to let go when the contract is done.
*Names changed and story published with Susan’s approval.
If you’d like to me to respond to one of your questions, please comment on my blog or email me at lucretia@lucretiaswords.com
by Lucky Lucy | Dec 22, 2015 | control, Fear, Heart, Uncategorized |
A while ago I saw something I wanted and I went for it. It was tantalisingly close so I reached out and…found my hand grasping at thin air. What I thought was there had disappeared. Actually, it was still there but had moved out of my reach. So I moved forward and reached out again, but the same thing happened. The pattern kept repeating and each time I became more and more desperate to hold that thing just out of my reach.
At the time I thought I was following my heart. After all, that’s how I always try to live – following my heart. But in hindsight, I realise that while I started off that way, in the end I was following my fear.
When your heart tells you to go for something, you should put all your attention there. We know worthwhile things in life often don’t come easily and there is effort and attention required.
But there is a tipping point between following your heart and falling into fear and then letting that guide your actions.
When you are truly in your heart and following your path (these two things are completely connected), there is a peace and surety that comes from that. When you are in that space you don’t fall into desperateness when that thing you desire starts moving in a different direction. Instead, you can stand exactly where you are and know it’s going to be okay because if it’s meant to be yours it will be.
It’s difficult for my brain to grasp and a challenge to articulate this concept, but bear with me.
The Universe responds to action and intention. So when you are following your heart you must act and have clear intention about the direction you wish to go and what you want.
However, sometimes what we want is not for us at that time. Or, sometimes that thing we’re chasing is simply part of a bigger lesson and we were never meant to reach that goal. Unfortunately, we can’t possibly see this at the time because we are in the zone of going for what our heart wants and where that leads us. Then when we feel it moving away, we panic. We get desperate. We are in pain. We feel rejected. Lost. And we wonder what went wrong. We ask ourselves, what else could I have done to change the outcome and achieve my heart’s desire?
This happens in our careers and it most certainly happens in our relationships with romantic partners.
While I’ve successfully grasped (pardon the pun) this lesson in my work-life, I certainly haven’t mastered it when it comes to my relationships with the opposite sex. My history is littered with stories of following my heart and then falling into desperation when they move away. It’s like a bad habit I can’t quit.
I’m all about the love you see. Love, love, love. So I follow my heart where it takes me and I try to trust it as much as possible.
Some people might call that naïve. That’s okay because I am a romantic optimist and I do look for the best rather than the worst in people and situations. I see all the wonderful possibilities. Is that naïveté when there are so many reasons to always expect the worst?
But, I’m getting off track now. The point of my post is this.
When you are following your heart you trust that things will work out as they’re supposed to. So, if something or someone persistently runs in the opposite direction away from you it is wise to stop, be still and ask if your behaviour in response to this is coming from your heart or egoic fear.
If you are acting from your heart you will do what you need to do while holding on to your self-respect, your values and your peace of mind. You will clearly state your intention to the Universe (and the people involved), do what you can (action), then step back and wait (listen to your heart).
If you find yourself pursuing something as it runs away, and you desperately grasp at and try to hold onto it, then you need to stop and recalibrate because you have fallen into fear and that will get you nowhere. However, fear will lead you to abandon your self-respect and often humiliate yourself (yes, that would be my voice of experience there).
If you are living from your heart there is no fear because you know everything is as it needs to be and you can only do what you can do to reach what you want. You can’t control the outcome (or the other people involved) and if desperation and fear start to kick in then you know you’ve definitely gone off track.
by Lucky Lucy | Dec 20, 2015 | break ups, compassion, Emotional, Grief, poetry, self discovery |
Around this time last year I had my heart broken by a man I loved with everything in me. When I say ‘broken’, I mean it. My experience with that man literally broke me apart and I completely lost myself in Grief.
I have grieved relationships and people lost from my life before but this time was different. This time Grief took me over and I fell to the bottom of huge pit of despair where I stayed for what seemed like an interminable period. I cried every day for months and months. I raged at the world and at him. I went to places so dark in my mind that I thought I would never make it out alive. Grief was a bitch that would not let me go.
She was with me every moment and, as I writer, my only recourse was to pour my pain onto a page. I wrote 70,000 words between January and May. Then something unexpected happened; the prose turned to poetry. It felt like Grief cracked open this whole new part of me and poetry fell out. It was strange and also so very relentless. Grief was a demanding client. She demanded I write and write even when tired, emotionally spent and physically exhausted. I had to write. It all had to come out.
The muse was my therapist and my words, catharsis. When I read those words now they often seem like they were written by someone else. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes my words impress me and I ask myself, ‘Did I really write that?’ Those words hold an essence and a depth that wasn’t in me 18 months ago. I can thank Grief for that.
She held me close and I held her closer. She defined me and I let her. Then our relationship took an unexpected twist when, after about six months, Grief left me to find another soul to torment. She had penetrated every part of me and her departure left an emptiness behind; a space to be filled by something or, perhaps, someone else.
I didn’t realise she was leaving until after she’d gone. Grief had been my constant companion and influencer. Her occupation of my life was something I dreaded daily but she was also a dragging weight I’d carried willingly for months. Then suddenly, I was free.
I don’t know if I let go of Grief or she let go of me. Maybe it was a combination of both. It felt weird not to have her around. But I couldn’t hold onto her or the pain anymore. I couldn’t stay in that place of torment. It was time to move on.
Some people say that what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I don’t know about that. All I can say is, although I never, ever want to be hurt like that again, I know the experience showed me parts of myself I didn’t know existed. Grief was a hard taskmaster (okay, a complete bitch) but she taught me a lot about pain, creativity, what I’m capable of (the wonderful and awful, shameful parts) and my ability to just keep going when I’d rather give up completely.
I don’t wish her to visit again. But I am thankful for the lessons Grief taught me because they helped me to become a wiser person, and a stronger writer.
