I was doing some research the other day and I came across this little gem from self-proclaimed dating guru Evan Marc Katz (see http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gFtt_VRAuC8).

I’ve been known to deride many dating advice sites but this guy seems to have some worthwhile comments.

Evan believes women should do absolutely nothing when they are dating.

That’s right. Nothing.

We should do nothing but stand there with our arms open, waiting for love.

Evan says that if a man wants to date you he will. If he wants to commit to you, he will.

In short, the man will make it happen.

He also says women often screw this process up by running towards the man, crowding him, and actively encouraging him. (Yes, I confess, I have done this before…and screwed things up as a result).

And then the man basically gets the hell out there.

Evan’s comments struck a chord with me as I’d been saying something similar to my friend Annie* earlier the same day.

Annie said sometimes you just need to give a man encouragement.

But, after a few years on the dating scene I just don’t believe that for a second.

If a man wants something, or more specifically wants you, he will go for it.

If he doesn’t go for it, he just doesn’t want it. That is, he just doesn’t want you.

Women will say, ‘Oh he’s just confused. He needs some time.’

No. He just doesn’t want you.

Or ‘He’s still getting over his ex’.

Yes, he might be getting over his ex. Or maybe he is over her already. Either way he still doesn’t want you.

And so on.

Am I being too harsh?

No. Men know what they want and they will go for what they want. End of story.

I know this concept isn’t exactly groundbreaking. After all, we’ve all seen or read ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’. But I think we (that is, women) may occasionally need a little reminding.

Sometimes we just don’t give men the credit they deserve. They have brains and they know how to use them.

This philosophy extends to other examples of the male/female dynamic.

I’ll hear someone say, ‘Oh, he just can’t clean the bathroom properly’ or ‘He doesn’t see the mess’.

Actually he can clean it and he does see it. He just doesn’t care and/or it’s not a priority for him right now.

The same principle applies every time I hear, ‘Oh he just can’t look after the kids on his own’.

Duh. You know what? He actually can. But if you keep doing it for him, he will never have to.

So ladies remember, whether you are pursuing the perfect man or domestic bliss, sometimes we are own worst enemies.

Never forget that men really do have their own minds. We just need to let them use them.