It’s time to tell yourself a new story

Story of the past lucy and lifeA while ago I found myself advising a friend that he should tell himself a different story. He was really down and hard on himself. He felt like he couldn’t make any headway in the direction he wanted to go.

‘Tell yourself a different story,’ I said. ‘That story isn’t serving you anymore so tell yourself something different.’

Ironically, today I found myself saying the same thing…to me. And then I laughed aloud. It’s funny how the advice you give to others can often be just as useful for yourself.

I’ve been telling myself a story in one part of my life and that story isn’t serving me anymore. So now I need to tell myself a new one.

So often, particularly after something disappointing or hurtful happens (once, twice of maybe many times), we hold onto the story of that situation and then look for ways to validate it. We ignore the wonderful things right in front of us, i.e. the parts of our lives that are working beautifully, and instead focus on that same outdated story from the past. And by focusing on the story of our past we are doomed to repeat it.

Now I’m not saying your story wasn’t valid. Something happened to cause you pain and you should absolutely acknowledge, grieve and then heal that wound. But if you keep telling yourself that story, it will be all you ever see. It will restrict your life, confine you to the past and prevent you moving forward. And that would be a tragedy because there is a world of potential staring you in the face right now. I guarantee it.

So just as I hope my old friend eventually told himself a different story, one of hope, transformation and positivity, I plan to do the same in that part of my life where I’ve been holding back. Because that old story of my past is no longer serving me.

It’s time to let a new story begin

Be the Note of Discord

DiscordBe the note of discord
That challenges what has been
There is no need to stay where you are
Even salmon swim upstream

Be the note of discord
You know it whispers within
It longs to tell all to those who listen
Can you hear it above the din

Be the note of discord
Do not care what it may cost
For you can no longer hold
Your tongue without your loss

Be the note of discord
Be what you want to be
Cast off the veneer of circumstance
And be all you can be.

Be the note of discord
You know that it is time
To show the world what you’re really made of
You’re not a silent mime

Be the note of discord
Enough really is enough
It cannot be accepted anymore
It’s time to call their bluff

Be the note of discord
For those who turn away
Cannot know that you hold the truth
You hold it all in sway.

Be the note of discord
It’s time for all your words
Of all that can be
Of the possibility

It’s time to break from the herd.

Is it time to claim your place on centre stage?

gifts2Have you ever felt like you spend more time worrying about what other people think, say and do than what’s in your own heart? You might have brief glimpses of inspiration about what’s in you but it’s rapidly taken over by your fears of what other people might think. Then you duck back into your mainstream, accepted box, and keep doing what you were doing before. The only evidence of anything awry will be the smallest of ripples in your psyche, but they’re soon squashed and you’re right back where you started.

Sound familiar?

Some of us spend a lot of time worrying about what other people will think of our actions. And I don’t use the word ‘spend’ accidentally because, when you do this repeatedly, you are spending your energy and it’s not coming back to you. It’s not serving you in any way. It’s like you’ve gone to the deli counter, handed over your money and received nothing in return. So you wait and wait until eventually they turn out the lights and you’re left…alone.

This keeps you smaller than you are.

How often have you heard yourself say, ‘Oh, I’m happy to work in the background’ while a voice whispers deep inside you, ‘Maybe I could be good at the front but people might laugh at me.’

Or have you said, ‘Oh thanks, but I’m not really good at X’ when someone gives you a compliment – even when you long to claim your skills as being unique to you (which they are, by the way).

A few years ago, I was talking to a client about a professional activity they needed assistance with. ‘Oh, I can do that for you,’ I said. ‘I’m really good at that stuff.’

They looked at me a little askance and said, ‘You really shouldn’t say that, you know. People might think you’re a bit… [‘up yourself]’

So there I was, being open about one of my proven skill strengths and was being told to basically tone it down because of what other people might think.

Well, I’m here to tell you…life’s too short for that crap.

I don’t spend my time going around telling people how fabulous I am. But, if I know I have a strength in a particular area, why should I hide that or tone it down for the consumption of others?

Yet, we’ve all done it. And some of us do it more than others.

My proposition is, what would happen if you started to claim those things you are good at? What if you began taking ownership of your unique gifts and stopped being afraid to use them?

What would your life look like then?

I’m not saying people won’t judge you or try to pull you down. Some people probably will.

But you know, it’s not about what other people think. You are unique and you’re not here on this planet, living this human experience, to make yourself small.

You don’t have to overpower everyone in sight but you can definitely start claiming your place where you truly want to be. If you want to try for that job that will make you happy but doesn’t conform to the expectations of others – go for it!

The next time someone asks for help with a task you’ve been longing to try but have been too afraid to put your hand up for, put your hand up and say, ‘I’d love to give that a crack!’

Stop hiding your light. You’re amazing and you have amazing things to offer. So start. And eventually you’ll find you won’t be spending your energy in the wrong place anymore. You won’t be standing at the deli counter empty-handed either. Instead you’ll be at the local markets buying fresh produce that feeds your soul.

Your energy will be directed towards making yourself feel good and living your light, rather than worrying about what other people think.

And that will be the most amazing gift of all – for you.

Is it time to stop playing the victim?

DefineI’m going to put my hand up this morning and say I can pretty good at playing the victim.

I can be hurt by someone then recoil into a ‘poor me’ vortex that can go on for days, months or yes (I’m very ashamed to admit) years. Instead of stepping back and looking at what has really gone on, I play the victim. I am the one who has been hurt. I am the one that something awful has been done to.

The truth is yes, sometimes I am technically the ‘victim’. I have been going about my business like any other day when WHAM! I’m hit with someone else’s toxic fall out. And it’s normal that I should feel hurt, angry and upset in that situation. After all, I haven’t done anything to deserve it. I was just minding my own business, doing my best. Right?

But with the benefit of hindsight (which is always valuable but can take a long time to kick in), I am getting a little better at seeing those incidents more objectively.

The truth is yes, some people may have got of the bed that morning and thought, ‘Today my goal is to completely destroy Lucy’s self-esteem and faith in the goodness of love and humankind.’

That might be true. Or maybe not.

Perhaps I did something consciously or unconsciously to piss them off and they simply responded to that behaviour.

That could be true.

Or perhaps they deliberately caused me pain because their own pain was so great, they didn’t know what else to do. They didn’t know how to let their pain out in a healthy way so they scatter-gunned it all over me because I just happened to be there – wrong place for me, right time for them.

When I think about it, I’m sure I’ve been just as guilty of this behaviour because like everyone else walking around on the planet, I am human not perfect.

However, when this situation arises we often direct our pain at those who are closest to us. And the last people we ever want to hurt receive the sometimes crushing emotional blows we dish out.

The fall-out can be devastating. Relationships end over this kind of stuff. Families stop talking to each other, friends walk away, and wars on small and global scales begin because of this situation.

It’s also when we start playing the victim. We can let that story, that situation full of pain, become our only story in life. It can become a turning point that we revisit again and again, shaping and molding the restrictions we put on our emotional development. We might say, ‘Well this person did this, so I’m not going to trust people again.’

‘That person hurt me so badly that I can never forgive them.’

We might take it further and think, ‘That person said X and Y and maybe they’re right. Maybe I’m not worth more.’

And so our story goes on and we sit in that swirling pain, wallow in it, justifying why what has happened to us is awful and how we deserved better.

You know what, sometimes I have definitely deserved better. I haven’t asked someone to tear my soul to ribbons. I’ve been doing my best and the pain thrown my way by a stranger or someone I care about has been devastating. Sometimes it’s even undone me for a while.

But in my finer moments, when I can remove my poor, bruised and battered heart and ego out of the way, I realise I can play the victim and let those moments define me, or I can go another way.

I can choose to grow from them. I can look at the situation and ask myself, what role did I play in creating that? How did my response affect the outcome? What was really going on for that person in that moment? How much pain were they in and was I just collateral damage?

Once I start to consider these things I can, eventually, make some peace with the situation and let it go a little. I can stop playing the victim and instead empower myself to move forward and grow.

I’m not saying it’s easy. I think it takes a lot to release emotional pain fully and perhaps I will carry fragments of those moments with me forever. But I don’t want to play the victim forever. I want to transform that pain into something that takes me forward. I have a choice in the matter.

More importantly, I want to come to a place more easily of forgiving those who may cause the pain. And it’s amazing how empowering that feeling of forgiveness can be. You can look at that person and think, ‘You know what. Your behaviour was crap and the pain you caused was awful. And I still feel angry and upset sometimes. But I understand where you were at when it happened and I know most of it had nothing whatsoever to do with me. So I forgive you and myself (because I’m sure I did/said stuff that wasn’t great either) and I send you love anyway.’

And surely that is the most empowering thing of all. It’s certainly much better than playing the victim.

When are you going to realise there is absolutely nothing wrong with you?

perfectWhen are you going to realise there is absolutely nothing wrong with you? You are perfect just the way you are, and all those imperfections and faults you see when you look in the mirror are part of being human.

Yes, in this lifetime you will be tested and frequently asked by the Universe to be a better version of yourself. You will be asked to give more than you have ever given. You will be asked to let go of the way things used to be and you will resist it. That is life.

You will be asked to dig deep. To plunge into the depths of your soul and discover that which is hidden from the rest of the world – your shadows and the gifts that are unique to you.

Sometimes you will run and hide. You may run for months, years, decades. You will seek to flee from the very things your soul desires – love, purpose, joy. You may instead explore the darkest parts of yourself and that too is how it should be. For after all you are human, and here to learn all there is to know about yourself too.

But sooner or later, for most of us I hope it is sooner, you will realise you are perfect just the way you are. You will have faith in your ability to bring light into the world; faith in your ability to give love from the deepest parts of you.

Your hidden frustrations and anger will dissipate because you will stop being frustrated and angry with yourself. You will know that love is offered to you in a hundred ways every day. You just need to open your heart to receive it.

And yes, you will keep improving and making mistakes every day until you pass over into the next world.

But you will have peace in this lifetime because you’ll know there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. And you will know that the people who love you see that too.