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Souls have free will as well as lessons to be learned

Souls have free will as well as lessons to be learned

A while ago, someone said I was brave to go my own way and not have children when society puts so much pressure on women to do so. She met her comment sincerely but I soon disabused her of the notion that I had made my decision as a form of conscious rebellion against the establishment.

I am a feminist certainly and proud that I don’t fit into the traditional female mode. But I did want children once.

I was married to a man in my 20s but I never wanted them with him.

Then in my 30s I found myself single by choice and occasionally yes, I did think about it but not in any way that I was willing to take concerted action on.

A couple of months shy of my 42nd birthday, I met a man I truly thought was the one – the one for me. I fell completely in love. He was younger and it soon became clear that not having children was a deal breaker for him. He wanted them but at that point in the relationship, I wasn’t sure.

We took two weeks apart for me to work things out. He didn’t want either of us to see anyone else during that time. He said he loved me. He said he was devastated and didn’t know what to do.

I saw a powerful energy healer during that break and through that work I quickly realised I wanted children. I wanted them very much and I wanted them with the man I loved.

Imagine my surprise when I conveyed this news to him and he didn’t believe me. He knew me to be a woman who didn’t lie and yet, he said he couldn’t believe it. He said, “Even if you mean it now, how do I know you won’t change your mind later.”

He ended it and I never saw him again.

He never acknowledged me again. It was as if I no longer breathed. Perhaps I had never really existed at all for him. He certainly found it very easy to deny any love he had felt for me.

I fell into an abyss of grief that took years to recover from. I was suicidal at one point with feelings of loss so deep I thought there was no bottom to the well I was drowning in. I just kept sinking.

Eventually, I did float to the surface and find my feet in the shallows again. But by then it was too late for children. My fertility ship had already drawn anchor and wind was filling its sails. I wasn’t in a position to do it alone financially and I didn’t want to do it without the one I loved anyway. So that was that.

Later I asked a powerful psychic why the Universe would treat me so cruelly. Why would she finally give me the understanding I wanted children of my own at such an age only to rip that possibility from my hands.

She said I had needed the healing to unleash my creativity – a woman’s creativity is born from her womb and the energy healing I’d done had cleared the blockages. I could not do what I’m here to do, create what I am here to create, write my books and so on, without that shift occurring.

I don’t mind telling you, the whole thing seemed very cruel indeed. And I was not gracefully accepting in the face of it. I raged at the light.

But the creativity surely did flow more strongly after that. I wrote extensively about the relationship and break-up in prose before being called back to write it in poetry, of all things. More than 230 poems resulted, all written within about a year. I was on the edge of publishing that work when Corona hit. The Universe has her own timing in mind again it seems.

Someone asked the other day how I get along with my Spirit Guides. The truth is, I’ve had a troubled relationship with them at times. They guided me back to that man twice when I thought about leaving, before I got in too deep emotionally. But they urged me to return. I know now he and I had unfinished business from several past lives and the unleashing of my creativity was all part of the plan in this one.

In my darker moments at the time I wasn’t always grateful for that.

Our guides are here to look after our best interests and help us to learn what our Souls are here to learn. Through that relationship I learned I was clairaudient, I learned I could remotely view someone without even trying. I learned there is no stronger psychic connection than between two people who are bound through the heart. I learned I have the ability to see past lives and see those same patterns repeating in this one.

I learned that Souls have free will as well as lessons to be learned. So you can only plot your way forward with the knowledge you have in this moment until something or someone chooses something different.

None of it makes sense and yet it also makes perfect sense too.

As a psychic channel I feel things deeply and that isn’t always easy. I also see a lot more than sometimes others would like because I can’t simply turn away from a Soul’s truth when I see it in front of me. This makes it difficult for people to be around me if they wish to hide from themselves.

When I help people by using my gifts whether it’s a friend struggling with a problem or a client struggling with direction, I always come back to one inescapable thing – what does their Soul want to do? What is their truth? And then how can we peel back all the stories and energetic blocks that get in the way of it.

It’s powerful work and people need to be ready for it. But, oh, when they are, that is when the magic happens because anything is possible.

In past lives I have been burned at the stake, pursued, murdered and lived in fear of my gifts. In this lifetime, I have walked through metaphorical fires many times when it comes to the truth and my psychic gifts.

Nothing happens by mistake. There are no coincidences and it was no coincidence that I met that man all those years ago. It was no accident that he broke me in fundamental ways so I could rebuild myself in a different form.

It was no mistake that my creativity has flourished since.

Whatever challenge you’re facing right now, it is not a mistake. It is part of your lesson. A lesson your Soul signed up for.

If you need help to navigate your way forward, get in touch. You don’t have to do it alone, I’ve been there and I know the road out.

‘No one will want to date you!’

‘No one will want to date you!’

It’s interesting to observe people’s reactions when I start telling people about some of the less than ideal male behaviour I’ve described in my book, The Men I’ve Almost Dated. The thing is, I’ve been pretty honest about my dating experiences and often men don’t come off as behaving very well.

One recent conversation with a couple (let’s call them Maggie and James) went something like this.

‘I think it sounds great!’ Maggie said enthusiastically after I’d briefly described the content of the book.

‘Are you dating anyone now?’ James asked.

‘No,’ I said.

‘Well no one’s going to ask you out once you publish,’ he said. ‘No one will want to date you!’

‘Of course they will. It will just weed at the ones she doesn’t want because they’ll know she’ll just call them on their crap if they try it on,’ Maggie said indignantly.

Hmmm.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not naïve to the fact that occasionally the things I mention in my book might polarise opinion or make some people uncomfortable. The very topics of divorce, dating, sex and pursuing the wrong men is highly topical and a lot of people will have opinions about it.

The suggestion that I will be deemed less attractive by the opposite sex because I’m honest about some very ordinary male behaviour is a little disconcerting yet not surprising. The inference from James’ comments was that I might be too ‘scary’ or ‘intimidating’ because I put it all out there.

I’ve heard this argument before about women being ‘intimidating’ or ‘too confident’ and that it apparently scares men off. James’ remarks were just another edition of that same old story. Honestly, I think these types of comments are just another way to keep women small. The very idea that we should hold ourselves back in some way to make men more comfortable is completely repellant to me. That being said, I don’t believe women are better than men or that we should exclude them from our lives. Relationships between men and women are a delicate balancing act that should be based on mutual respect and freedom to be precisely who you are. But that’s a soapbox for another day.

In the meantime, am I worried that no man will ever ask me out once they read my book?

Um, no, because I’m more in Maggie’s camp and hope that it actually turns away the players from my life. Because the truth is, I don’t want any more men I’ve almost dated. I want the real thing now. If some men find me too intimidating, full frontal or whatever because I choose to tell a story based on my perspectives and experience, then they are clearly not the men for me.

And I’m really 100 percent okay with that.

The Men I’ve Almost Dated is now on sale. Find out more>

 

 

 

 

 

Fighting the ghosts of relationships past

Fighting the ghosts of relationships past

Late one night in November 2014, around 2am, I was pacing back and forth in the lounge-room of my ex, tears pouring down my cheeks, as he slept peacefully in the next room. I was trying to make sense of his behaviour that weekend and how he seemed to be turning into someone I didn’t know. I didn’t know he was already checking out of our relationship and was building up to a deathblow he’d sensitively deliver the next morning (literally around two minutes before he dropped me off at work).

As I paced the room, assessing my own behaviour, I wondered if I was doing something to create the situation. Could it be my fault in some way? As a woman of 40-something years, I’d been in relationships before and could, with a bit of objectivity, see that maybe I was bringing some of my emotional baggage forward. I don’t think that’s a particularly unusual state of affairs. After all, we are all shaped by our experiences and it’s sometimes hard to leave those behind when we begin a new relationship.

Eventually, as I often do, I turned to my writing to process the situation and wrote this blog on my phone where it has remain hidden until now. So here are a few of my thoughts on the ghosts of relationships past. I did read this to my ex as we drove to work the next day but I guess he didn’t really get it. However, perhaps my words will provide you with some interesting insights (or amusement).

I sometimes think our exes are like nosy new neighbours who don’t know when to leave. You move into a new relationship/house and everything seems great. There’s more room than your old place and you’ll feel much more free and happy. ‘Yeah,’ you think, ‘this is going to be good’.

Then the neighbours show up. ‘Yoohoo!’ they’ll cry as they stick their heads around the front door you foolishly left ajar. ‘Can we come in?’

Before you can say, ‘No! No! Come back later’ (or preferably never) they’ve strolled in and started going through all your stuff including the new boxes you’ve just started unpacking.

‘Oh, remember when we…,’ one of them will say.

‘Oh you know you always made that such an issue with me,’ another will reminisce.

And so on they will go until you feel like you’re going to scream.

You don’t want them there in the new house with you, those old relationships you thought you’d left behind. You don’t want them affecting your new relationship. But, unfortunately those ‘neighbours’ are always going to live next to your house, wherever you move. You can never escape them completely and they can cause trouble in your new house if you let them.

The trick is to hear the lessons they remind you about but always know when to push them unceremoniously out the door and turn the locks behind them. A good set of sensor lights will also catch them in the act when they next try to sneak onto your property.

Did you know I’ve just launched my new website, Lucretia’s Words? If you’re interested in personal branding, intuitive mentoring or writing services, please head on over and check it out.

 

Why Men Are Like Feral Cats…and other reflections on single life

feral catsMy book editing is nearly done. Just one more read-through and it will be ready for final checking by my editor Kristy. She’s been so patiently waiting and encouraging me over the past few months but I think I gave her a bit of a ‘moment’ in our conversation last week when I said I wanted to rewrite the whole thing.

I was half-serious with the comment because when I read through my book now it feels like it was written by someone else. Oh, I know I’ve definitely done all the things in that book and lived through those experiences. But the person I am now is so very different from that 30-something woman who somewhat blindly found her way out of a 10-year marriage, through divorce and into the dysfunctional world of dating.

Take for instance my chapter entitled, Why Men Are Like Feral Cats. Even now it seems like an outrageous statement to make but, back then, I came across a number of men who were exactly like our feline friends. As I wrote, ‘Men couldn’t have anything in common with previously domesticated but now wild animals running the streets with absolutely no sense of responsibility. Could they?’

If you’ve been single for any period of time you’ll know the types of ‘cats’ I’m referring to here. In my book I’ve broken them down into some categories. These include the Never-Been-Faithful Cat who ‘flirts and behaves like the most unattached man with any attractive woman within a five-kilometre radius.’ There’s the Shameless Cat who ‘will chat up multiple women in the same location, within minutes of each other’ (for him it’s purely a numbers game). And of course, there’s the Shady Cat. He’s the one disguised as the nice guy until his partner is out of earshot (or in the next room) and then suddenly he’s all hands and innuendo.

Are you seeing the similarities yet between some men and feral cats? I’ll give you a hint…it may have something to do with their need to copulate with as many females as possible, regardless of their relationship status.

Fortunately, I have also come to know some lovely men who don’t resemble feral cats in any way whatsoever. Ladies they do exist, thank goodness! But the feral cats are still out there and when I look back at the woman who had those experiences, I shake my head ruefully. I was so naïve about men and human behaviour when I ventured into the Land of Single. And learning about feral cats was just one of the lessons I had to learn the hard way.

I’m still single now but, as I read through my book from beginning to end for what is probably the last time, I know how much I’ve grown from all the experiences it describes. I’m wiser but in many ways, when it comes to men, I’m still just as clueless. Does that ever change, I wonder? Or is that just one of the constant mysteries of life…that men and women are such different creatures that we must always be prone to miscommunication, misdirection and misdemeanors while we navigate the dating world?

I’m not sure, but I’m still out there hoping for the best. Except these days, I can usually spot a ‘feral cat’ at 10 paces.

Can you ever go back?

Going backThere are times in your life when you wonder if you could ever really go back. Could you rekindle that old flame? Is it ever really possible go back to the place that you’d been and somehow make it better the second time around?

I’ve been thinking about this lately and I’ve come to the conclusion that no, you can never really go back to what was. But you can go back to that person and start anew if you have both transformed.

Because there was a reason that relationship broke down the first time. It didn’t work. Whether you or they broke it off, there was something wrong. So walking back in and thinking you can just start again where you finished is naïve and potentially disastrous.

More importantly, you played a role in that relationship and if it didn’t work, part of that responsibility lies with you.

Did you honour yourself in that relationship? Did you speak your truth or did you bite down your words to keep the peace? Did you put the needs of others above your own? Were you fearful of connecting with someone honestly so you always held back a little?

You can point your finger as much as you like at the other person but they reflected something in you. And that’s something you need to look at. If you don’t, you will probably repeat the experience again with someone else. If you don’t take responsibility for the role you played you won’t have learned what you needed to learn.

So as you look back and point the finger at the other person, know that you are really pointing at yourself.

It’s challenging to think like this because it means we have to take ownership of what has happened. Usually it didn’t just happen to us. We made choices that led us to that point and we attracted what was within us.

I’ve been doing my own self-assessment about a previous relationship recently and it’s been an eye-opening experience. I’ve realised that I didn’t always honour myself and I watched as he did the same.

I put his emotional needs above my own, just as he did with others. I wanted so much for him to be happy that I didn’t say, ‘Hey, that’s not cool,’ when he leapt over a boundary. And in return, I watched as he allowed every person in his life to overtake his boundaries again and again.

I judged him harshly when he pulled back. I saw beyond his words to his fears of intimacy and blamed him for the way things ended without acknowledging that in many ways he simply reflected a whole raft of my own fears.

I was angry because he didn’t want to let go of control or the way things had always been. But I didn’t see that all I wanted was to control how it would be. I ran from or blocked conversations because I was terrified of rejection and realise now that he was terrified too. We were too fearful to look each other in the eyes, be fully exposed and work it out. So in the end he decided to get in first and reject me before I could reject him. And so he did what I feared most and left.

It’s like a curtain has been pulled away and suddenly I see how responsible I am for the outcomes I’ve created in my own life. It was never really about what he did to me, after all. Instead it was a reflection of me and that’s why it was so painful because it’s hard to face what’s inside of you, those things you try to hide from yourself.

So can you go back? Can you reconnect to that old relationship and make it work a second time around? Yes. I believe it’s possible. In fact, I believe it with my whole heart because when things are meant to be, they will be. And you will be drawn back together because it is right.

But both parties must have done the work to transform themselves in the meantime. They must be prepared to look at themselves honestly and realise the other person was a reflection of them. You were drawn to that person to learn what you needed to learn. So learn the lessons and then, you may come back together and move forward in a completely different and stronger way. Or you may not. The choice is really up to you and them.