by Lucky Lucy | Sep 7, 2014 | Life, Personal power, spiritual |
Someone asked recently if I believed in fate or if I thought we had a choice in how our lives turn out.
It may seem contradictory, but I believe in fate AND our ability to make choices and exercise our free will.
I think we all have a path to follow, a purpose and lessons to learn while we are here. These things are decided before we are born. But how our lives and lessons manifest, and how long we take to learn our lessons, is up to us.
Let’s take exhibit A: Me.
For quite a few years after my marriage ended, I attracted and was attracted to unavailable men. They might already have partners, be emotionally constipated (i.e. unable to make any type of emotional commitment), physically unavailable (live intra- or interstate), like to play hard to get or be unable to work out what they really wanted.
I was a magnet for these men. I didn’t know why but they kept turning up in my life and I would be sucked into their world of unavailability. And of course, I would get emotionally involved, make excuses for their poor behaviour and believe they could change, get hurt and then spend months recovering from it all.
I repeated this pattern over and over again.
In hindsight, I believe I had a lesson to learn about valuing myself and realising I deserved an emotionally available man. I felt guilty about leaving my marriage and hurting people I cared about for a long time and part of me just didn’t think I deserved another shot at the ‘relationship title’. So those unavailable men just kept rocking up until I learned the lesson.
I’m pleased to say I don’t open my doors wide to unavailable men anymore. I’m much better at spotting them from a distance, giving them a wide berth or just saying, ‘No thanks’ and moving on. I guess you could say I’ve learned my lesson and now make different choices. I know I deserve the best now.
So when it comes to fate and choices I think we do have certain things to learn in this lifetime but it’s up to us how long we take to learn those lessons. We can take as long and make it as painful for ourselves as we like. That’s our choice.
Sometimes in these situations we just don’t realise we are repeating the same pattern over and over again.
That’s my take on fate versus choices anyway.
May you make good choices for yourselves today.
by Lucky Lucy | May 8, 2014 | Bad behaviour, break ups, Emotional, Life, Personal power, Self esteem |
Choice or circumstance?
A friend of mine has got himself into a bit of a pickle. He’s in a job where he no longer wants to be but the pressures and expectations of family are keeping him stuck there.
He can see a world of opportunities are open to him if he just says what he wants. But he can’t. He is stuck in circumstances and doesn’t know how to get out.
Has this happened to you?
There have been times in my life when I have not spoken my truth; when I have not grasped the opportunities in front of me because of fear of what others would say. It never led to a happy life.
Too often I would blame other influences for the situation I found myself in.
“I’m a good person. I didn’t sign up for this.
“I deserve more than this,” I’d say.
I would expect someone, somewhere, to step up and rescue me from my circumstances. But this rarely happened.
Instead I would be slowly but surely beaten down until I was broken and lost. I would build up all the pain and hurt inside me or push it under the nearest carpet where it would expand each day – just waiting to erupt like a volcano.
When I look back at my most difficult times, I realise that no one ever told me I had a choice. And for some reason I didn’t realise it myself.
I didn’t realise that while I may not have chosen my circumstances, I did have a choice about getting out of them. I didn’t have to be miserable so other people could be happy.
I could choose to walk away from a situation, to quit a job or say quietly but firmly, “No” to whatever was bringing me down.
I didn’t always realise that it was okay for me to be happy. Ensuring other people are comfortable at my emotional expense was no life. It was okay to be true to myself and just walk away.
I’m a little older and wiser these days.
I’ve also learned that we cannot control our lives – I know that to be true. We will sometimes find ourselves in difficult circumstances that are not our fault and will make us unhappy. But that’s when we get to make a choice.
We can choose to remain a victim of our circumstances or we can choose a different way.
We can set up boundaries with those family members who try to take advantage of us. We can say no to that lover or friend who no longer respects us. We can start looking for a job and resign when we realise our employer is just a bully.
We can make space for ourselves and be true to us. And in doing so, we will be doing what is necessary to make the world a better place – a place where everyone can be themselves.
by Lucky Lucy | Dec 26, 2013 | Emotional, Inspiration, Life, Men, Travelling |
Image – futuresobright.com
I‘ve been wondering about 2014.
I know I should be living in the present but honestly, there are lots of reasons I’d like this year to be over and to start a new chapter in my life. Many friends have been experiencing their own challenges in 2013 and I think we’ll all draw a collective sigh of relief at midnight on 31 December.
There have of course been some wonderful moments but geez, sometimes it’s felt like we’ve been pushed to our limits on so many levels.
The question is, if 2013 was so ‘challenging’, what will be different in 2014?
Well, me, I guess. I want to be different. I want to take all the lessons I’ve learned about life, love, business and money and apply them constructively.
I want to let go of all those heavy emotional weights that have been holding me back and tripping me up whenever I’ve tried to move forward.
So I’m making a list of what I want my life to look like in 2014.
It doesn’t include becoming a millionaire (although of course, I wouldn’t say no to that!). But it does include having enough money to pay all my bills on time, buy some pretty shoes and do some travel beyond Australian shores.
It doesn’t include being rescued by a Prince on a white steed who will sweep me off my feet and take me to his castle. But it does include an emotionally mature and sexy male who is capable of commitment, fun and being a true partner…with me. I’m done with Bridget Jones-like tragedies.
It doesn’t include being the CEO of a multinational company. But it does include work that is satisfying, challenging, uses my skills and contributes towards making the world a better place.
It doesn’t include being a world-class athlete. But it does include good emotional and physical health with no injuries.
And finally, it doesn’t include glamorous parties with celebrities. But it does include regular gatherings, long chats, laughs and hugs with good friends and family members.
These are just some of the things I’m setting my intentions for in 2014. I know I’ll have to take action to help make these things come to pass. But I figure setting my intentions is a good way to start the process.
So bring it on 2014! I’m ready.
by Lucky Lucy | Jan 6, 2013 | Uncategorized |
I was holding my little niece the other day and for a moment I was completely overwhelmed by her frailty.
She is not yet four weeks old and is so tiny and so very vulnerable.
I even wondered if I should be permitted to hold her. After all, I can be such a big clutz and what if I dropped her?!
I got over myself after a few minutes and just sat watching her little face as her eyes looked here and there, unfocussed, but still looking at the wonderful world around her.
Can you imagine how she’ll feel the first time the world comes into focus? What will she think of the shapes and colours?
How will she make sense of it all?
And there will be so much more for her to learn as she gets bigger.
She’ll learn how to use her little hands to pick things up and put them in her mouth, there’ll be uncharted floors to crawl across, hallways to run down and so many other things to explore.
Every day will be an adventure as she discovers things she didn’t know existed the day before. She’ll find out not all food comes out of a breast; discover the cool, soft and slightly prickly feeling of grass beneath her little toes; and hear the sound of her own voice laughing.
The list of things she has yet to learn goes on and on and on.
I know adults are always learning too. But our days are not usually filled with so many new adventures. Instead, our eyes often view the world through lenses that are a just little darkened and a little jaded by our experiences.
And we will do things because that’s just the way we’ve always done them.
We’ll order the same meal at our favourite restaurant every time we visit because we know it’s good.
We’ll leave our homes at exactly 6.15am every day and jog the same route through our local streets because we know it will get us home at exactly 6.55am.
Or we just won’t notice how blue the sky is on a summer’s day because we’re to busy rushing around, leading our lives.
It is a frequent tragedy that with our growth from newborn to child to teenager to adult, we sometimes lose our ability to see things through fresh eyes. And we forget that doing new things is part of living…part of life’s adventure.
Holding my little niece and watching her discover the world, reminded me of these things.
So this week I’m going to break a few old habits and do something differently every day.
I’m going to create my own adventure.
And perhaps I’ll view the world with fresh eyes and discover something wonderful in the process.
Someone asked recently if I believed in fate or if I thought we had a choice in how our lives turn out.
