Are you choosing your life?

Choice or circumstance?

Choice or circumstance?

A friend of mine has got himself into a bit of a pickle. He’s in a job where he no longer wants to be but the pressures and expectations of family are keeping him stuck there.

He can see a world of opportunities are open to him if he just says what he wants. But he can’t. He is stuck in circumstances and doesn’t know how to get out.

Has this happened to you?

There have been times in my life when I have not spoken my truth; when I have not grasped the opportunities in front of me because of fear of what others would say. It never led to a happy life.

Too often I would blame other influences for the situation I found myself in.

“I’m a good person. I didn’t sign up for this.

“I deserve more than this,” I’d say.

I would expect someone, somewhere, to step up and rescue me from my circumstances. But this rarely happened.

Instead I would be slowly but surely beaten down until I was broken and lost. I would build up all the pain and hurt inside me or push it under the nearest carpet where it would expand each day – just waiting to erupt like a volcano.

When I look back at my most difficult times, I realise that no one ever told me I had a choice. And for some reason I didn’t realise it myself.

I didn’t realise that while I may not have chosen my circumstances, I did have a choice about getting out of them. I didn’t have to be miserable so other people could be happy.

I could choose to walk away from a situation, to quit a job or say quietly but firmly, “No” to whatever was bringing me down.

I didn’t always realise that it was okay for me to be happy. Ensuring other people are comfortable at my emotional expense was no life. It was okay to be true to myself and just walk away.

I’m a little older and wiser these days.

I’ve also learned that we cannot control our lives – I know that to be true. We will sometimes find ourselves in difficult circumstances that are not our fault and will make us unhappy. But that’s when we get to make a choice.

We can choose to remain a victim of our circumstances or we can choose a different way.

We can set up boundaries with those family members who try to take advantage of us. We can say no to that lover or friend who no longer respects us. We can start looking for a job and resign when we realise our employer is just a bully.

We can make space for ourselves and be true to us. And in doing so, we will be doing what is necessary to make the world a better place – a place where everyone can be themselves.