water-swirlingA good friend called the other day to see how I was and I ended up sobbing like a crazy person on the phone.

I was having one of those days when everything was going wrong and I just couldn’t see how I would ever get my head above water.

I was an emotional mess.

After an hour of talking, sobbing and laughing at the ridiculousness of life, I got off the phone, threw on some fresh clothes and my knee-high boots, redid the make-up and headed out to meet another friend for dinner.

As I sat down, Susie* commented on how great I looked. When I told her the real story she nodded knowingly and said, “Oh, you put on the mask. I do that too.”

I’d put on my mask of being a ‘together person’ before I’d left the house and clearly Susie had done this a few times herself.

I’ve become pretty good at it. I guess working in public relations for more than 10 years has made slipping on the mask a lot easier. When you’re trying to be all things to all people in your job sometimes you’ve just got to pull on the mask and get on with it.

Unfortunately, you can get a little too good at it. And sometimes you don’t let people see there is a mask at all – they just think that’s who you are.

When you’re dating someone, sooner or later you have to let your mask slip and let them see the swirling darkness and beautiful technicolour beneath. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll be brave enough to do that again when the time comes.

I know my mask hides a whole lot of really wonderful things. But it also hides a lot of dark and complex stuff too. And too many times the wrong man has taken one look and sprinted for the hills.

But I’ve decided next time that I’m going to take my mask off and let him see the real person underneath. The trick of course is to do that without fear of judgement. That is the real challenge.

But I’m willing to give it a go. I’m even going to be optimistic and believe maybe, he might even like the darkness and complexity underneath my mask.

After all, stranger things have happened and anything is possible…right?