The right one will fill you up

Feed your spirit

‘Thank you for saying yes,’ he said.

I was at the wedding reception for my good friend Jenelyn yesterday and her new husband Adam looked lovingly across at her as he said these words in his speech. It was a precious moment and we all felt honoured to share it with them on their special day.

Jenelyn waited a long time for the right man to come her way and she’s chosen well. She lights up when he is around and now radiates a new level of self-possession and calmness conjured from the magic of knowing she is nurtured and supported to be whoever she desires to be. Adam is the same.

Earlier in the week, my housemate Brad and my friend Meaghan had been discussing relationships and love when I heard Meaghan say, ‘The right one feeds you.’

‘The right person will fill you up.’

As I watched Jenelyn and Adam together, I was reminded of Meaghan’s words and the fundamental truth they held.

When you’re in a relationship with the right person, they fill you up. Their presence in your life will lift your spirit and fill you with light. Of course, there will be hard times and they will inevitably drive you crazy sometimes, but their presence will feed your spirit and you will feed theirs.

That’s just how it works.

Do we forget this vital point when we find ourselves buffeted this way and that in a stormy relationship that diminishes our spirit and makes us feel lesser? I think we do. Lord knows, when I look back at some of my previous relationships it’s clear I had forgotten that imperative for a strong relationship.

The right person will feed me. The right one will fill me with light and help me to shine brightly, just as I am. They will not seek to diminish me; they will help me stand alone in my power and reach all I wish to be. They will be there to catch me when I fall. They will not run from conflict, they will find a way through it so we can grow together.

And I will do the same for them.

It was these thoughts that flooded through my mind yesterday as I watched Jenelyn and Adam exchange their vows and openly express their love for each other. They have found the right one to walk forward with. They have found the one that fills them with light. They have found the one who feeds them.

Whoever you are, I wish the same for you.

 

 

A princess dress from the past

I donated my wedding dress to Lifeline the other day. I’d been thinking about it for a while but I was never quite ready. It was symbol of my other life; that married life I ended almost seven years ago.

The dress has been hiding out in a suitcase, on top of a bookcase, in my study. And every now and then I’ve looked at that suitcase and thought, what am I going to do with that dress.

I don’t think there is a huge market for a wedding dress worn once in 1995. And I’ve always thought that some bride-to-be would think my own marriage bad luck would rub off on them if they wore my dress. I would definitely think that way if it was me.

But then one day I realised it was time to let it go. It was a symbol of a time that has now passed. And like all things we hold on to for a bit too long, maybe I needed to let it go so something new could come into my life.

Of course, I had to try it on again first.

When I took it out of the box it was just as perfect and beautiful as the first time I wore it. It was all ivory satin and tulle with gold patterns across the bodice. It was still a fairytale princess dress.

But the princess dress no longer fitted me. I’m probably two sizes bigger than I was back then so I couldn’t get the zip up. Still, I could imagine what it would like if I was just that little bit slimmer.

For a few moments I was my 22 year old self again and I remembered the romance and optimism and everything else I felt when I wore that dress for the first time.

I remembered my garter falling off as I got out of the wedding car just before I began my walk to the rotunda and my beloved.

I remembered my bridesmaid holding my skirt up so I could go to the toilet at the reception venue (there was just so much tulle and then a petticoat with more tulle still).

But most of all I remembered the hope that was attached to that dress and to every wedding – the hope for love and commitment forever.

Strangely though, none of these of feelings were melancholic. I didn’t feel sad or depressed. Instead I remembered all those things with joy.

And as I drove to Lifeline to donate my dress I felt uplifted and released and full of hope that my time for love is not yet done.

The Lifeline ladies were grateful for my donation and one said, ‘It must be hard to give it (the dress) up.’

I said, ‘No. It’s time.’

And as I drove home I thought again, ‘Yes. It is my time.’