Why the things we run from will keep following us

Why the things we run from will keep following us

Have you ever noticed how the things you want to get away from, will keep following you? No matter how many times you swear, “I’m never going to be in this situation again!” you will somehow find yourself back there for another round. It could be your new partner sucks you into a dysfunctional relationship (just like the last one!) or you get a new job and the work never really feels fulfilling (just like the last one!).

Often these patterns will jump across various parts of our lives. You have a boss who bullies you and a family member and a boyfriend who does the same? What a coincidence.

But the truth is, it’s not a coincidence. Unfortunately. And when you realise that you are  the common denominator in all these repeating situations, you also have to face another crushing truth – you need to change something in you to break the repeating patterns in your life.

In my case, does that mean I deserved to be disrespected by men repeatedly in the past? Um, no.

Does that mean I deserved to have bosses who bullied me overtly and covertly? No.

But it sure as heck meant that I needed to do something differently to stop it from happening again.

As you become more self-aware and self-accountable, these types of realisations are difficult to avoid along with the understanding that, despite all the red flags, we still rush headlong into the very situations we want to avoid – until we change something in us.

In my case, I dealt with a repeating pattern by learning how to set healthy boundaries and then maintain them. I won’t say it was easy (actually it was kind of scary for me) but once I did it a few times the pattern stopped.

I still have other patterns to deal with (we all do) but once you can identify them, develop an effective strategy to do something differently, then implement it consistently, the pattern stops being an issue.

I confess this all sounds fine and very practical but it is also incredibly annoying because I can’t play the victim for long periods of time anymore. After all, you can’t be a victim if you played a role in putting yourself there in the first place.

Drat!

As you grow in self-awareness you have to deal with your ‘stuff’ and it’s not always fun or comfortable. But it’s the trade-off we make if we want to evolve and, in my case, break a pattern of bullies and dysfunctional relationships.

If you’re ready to break free from the patterns that have been holding you back for too long, check out my Nights for Spiritual Beginners – six powerful nights over six weeks to help you kick your indecision and self-doubt to the kerb, connect to your intuitive power and insight, and step forward confidently so you can live your Soul’s Mission. Email me to find out more>>

******EARLY BIRD OFFER AVAILABLE UNTIL 11.59PM (AEST) 30 JANUARY 2019*****

Photo by Seth Macey on Unsplash

Loss, change and golden starlight

Loss, change and golden starlight

There is a dim glow of golden starlight at my desk tonight. I know I can write anywhere but to have stars surrounding me is a special treat and it makes my office feel a little magical.

I can see a faint pale smudge through the curtains and when I pull them back, the moon sneaks through; a pale half crescent sideways.

I’ve been thinking about discomfort and new beginnings today, and when I bought the strings of stars from this morning, my goal was to help create a new beginning for myself and a new environment to work in.

Over the past couple of months, I’ve definitely had my share of discomfort and happenings that I did not seek and were quite frankly, unwanted. More than once I’ve felt like I’ve entered the swinging doors of a saloon, got caught in a gunfight and then been ejected unceremoniously out the doors on the other side of the bar where I’ve fallen face first into the muddy street.

My ego has been bruised, my self-confidence tested, and the Universe has called on me to let go of places where I felt comfortable, people I cared about and a pet I adored. And all this within a matter of weeks with losses and disappointments sometimes occurring within days of each other.

It’s been a trying time, to say the least.

I’ve wondered if there has been an energetic clearing happening as I’ve watched friends go through their own rather dramatic challenges and changes. It’s almost like the Universe has decided, “Nope you’re in the wrong place and if you’re not going to move then I will force you to shift.” Other people have jumped first when they’ve seen the Universal writing on the wall or faced harsh truths they have been avoiding before finally taken some action.

Whatever the Universe’s method, many now find themselves in places they didn’t plan to be in 2018.

Of course, it is our mind’s often obsessive need to control our journey and then pick the destination that makes these changes to our planned trajectory even more difficult. And when you add in your thwarted heart’s desires, the discomfort level increases and sometimes makes things almost unbearable.

I believe that human beings are genetically programmed to resist change, even when the outcome will be beneficial for us. I have no scientific evidence to back this up. However, when I look around, it seems that so many of us would rather stay in terribly uncomfortable, unsatisfying and sometimes downright unhappy situations and relationships simply because the alternative of disrupting the status quo and leaving our known ‘comfort zone’ is just too disturbing.

We humans are a little crazy that way.

However, when we resist for too long, the Universe will inevitably step in and kick our backsides until we have no choice but to move, let go or to step forward. She ultimately will make our comfort zone simply too uncomfortable, or take the decisions completely out of our hands.

And that is when the magic begins, whether we like it or not, because when these dramatic changes occur, they’re designed to get us back on track, to shake us up and remind us about what’s really important. If we’re wise, we’ll be honest with ourselves and recognise the changes for what they are – our chance to expand, grow and be more in alignment.

I’ve found myself changing roles twice in a short period of time in a way I never expected (or particularly enjoyed). But the place I’ve ended up is perfect for me and I have the time and space to write more – which is one of the most important things to me right now. I’ve also been reminded of a valuable lesson – that some people will never accept your help, even if they need it desperately. So it is better to help those who welcome it and leave others to do as they will – even if you know their journey is going to be more difficult as a result.

I’ve also been reminded that kindness and giving without expectation is a divine part of being human. When I my darling cat Mirabel took a rapid turn for the worse a few weeks ago, I sat with her in the surgery on a Sunday night, holding her in my arms as tears streamed down my cheeks. I knew it was her time to pass over and, although the kind vet (her own eyes filling with tears on my behalf) came to check on me occasionally, I was alone and emotionally torn apart.

Later, as I finally left with an empty cat carrier, I saw a woman sitting on the concrete near my car. I’d heard her desperate cries through the walls earlier when she’d brought in her Mum’s dog.

I put the lonely carrier into the front seat  then walked back, dropped to my knees on the beside the woman and took her into my arms. We then cried together for a while, two strangers, on the ground, in the cold late night air. I cried many more tears when I got home (and since then too) but offering her that comfort, and receiving it in return, helped me to feel a little less alone in my grief.

I must confess that Mirabel’s passing seemed an unnecessarily cruel blow coming just days after the very careful and deliberate withdrawal of someone important from my life. Although I understood rationally why things had happened, the Universe’s timing didn’t really seem to be in my best interests. But I guess it’s a sign of my resilience that I was able to get up for work then hold it together all day before sobbing my way home in the car as I thought of the cat-free zone that waited for me at the end of the trip.

You might wonder how I could feel that any of this was being done ‘for me’ by the Universe. I mean really, I have to say nothing felt particularly great at the time. Instead I felt like I was taking one blow after another.

But now the worst has past, I can see that although there has been pain and sadness, there have also been positive changes and shifts that occurred without me even realising it. Things are moving in the right direction and I know I’m on the right track.

Jobs will come and go, people will leave and return, and sometimes we will be asked to let go of the people, pets and hopes we hold close to our hearts.

But life is a fluid process and we always end up where we’re supposed to be, even if we would prefer a different outcome. My current place is under the stars with the haunting cry of a curlew in the distance, and in this moment, I feel peace.

I wish the same for you.

Lucretia is an author, psychic channel and transformational teacher. Her first book The Men I’ve Almost Dated is available through all good online bookstores. Lucretia also delivers mentoring programs to help intuitives, empaths and psychics learn how to manage their gifts and connect to their Soul’s Purpose.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Is it time to create the life you really want?

Is it time to create the life you really want?

‘Maybe I’m just not meant to be happy.’

These words were uttered by a friend a few years ago. She felt like she was in a no-win situation and had to choose a path she didn’t want to choose in order to ‘do the right thing’. This ultimately meant keeping the people around her happy while she felt miserable.

Does this sound familiar? How many times have you done that in your life? How many times have you wanted something but realised it would cause waves with other people in your life so instead you stuffed it down inside you and hoped it would go away?

But it didn’t go away, did it? Nope, like a bad case of reflux it keeps coming back up; sticking in your throat, almost making you gag. But you’re determined aren’t you? You’re not going to let it win because if you let it out, you’re going to upset people. You’ll be knocking over the apple cart and everyone else’s apples will go rolling down the hill. You’ll be disruptive. They’ll tell you that you’re selfish. And you want to be a good person don’t you? You want that desperately. You want people to be happy. You want them to like you. You want to do the ‘right thing’.

But I have to tell you sweetheart that it’s not going to work. Because if that thing inside you keeps coming up, if it plagues your mind while you rush around doing everyone else’s bidding, then there’s a reason for it.

And the reason is that you deserve to follow your dreams. You deserve to create whatever is in you to create. And the Universe is not going to let you forget it.

But you have choice. Of course you have a choice. It’s your life.

You can choose to keep pushing down your desires because you’re scared of complicating your world or failing or upsetting people or standing out. You can choose this and know that when you reach the end of your life you will probably regret not taking a chance on yourself. You will regret not believing you could do it.

Or you can decide that you are worthy of living the best possible life you can live. You can decide that you have a right to honour all those unruly desires clamouring in your heart. You can decide that what you want is important enough to acknowledge and begin to create. If you make this choice, the choice that truly speaks to your heart, you can begin to slowly remove the shackles of the past. You can begin to untie all those heavy ropes that bind you to things and people that no longer serve you.

And then my gorgeous friend, you can begin moving towards the magical life that is possible for you; the life that is fulfilling and challenging and uniquely yours. You won’t create it immediately. Truly magnificent creations take time and nurturing. And this one, your creation, your life, must be fertilised with self-awareness, joy, triumph, disruption, failure, terrifying leaps into the unknown, unexpected discoveries and above all, your willingness to learn just how wonderful you are and what you are truly capable of. It will be a lifelong journey.

But I assure you, it will be worth it.

Or you can stay where you are. You can languish in the everyday ordinariness of a life you don’t really want.

The choice is yours. Choose wisely.

Would you like some help to create the life you really want? My Intuition Connection Program or a Clarity Session might be just want you need to get you started.

Anxiety, self-worth and being ungrounded: the toxic mix

Anxiety, self-worth and being ungrounded: the toxic mix

When the idea for this blog arose a couple of days ago, I felt a bit tentative about it. Anxiety, and its loathsome sidekick depression, are sensitive issues and experiencing them, or witnessing someone we care about in depths of these rampant destructors, is traumatic, soul-destroying and deeply personal.

Nevertheless, after reading the thoughts of Chris Nicholas in his blog about mental illness and the need for us to do more (see Introspection and Loss), I felt compelled to share my story in the hope that perhaps, by sharing my own experiences, it might help one another person to navigate their own journey more safely and easily.

Anxiety was my very frequent and unwelcome companion throughout high school. It stalked me at every turn and manifested in a unique propensity to cry at the drop of a hat. I cried all the time. Whenever I was faced with new experiences I usually felt overwhelmed and the tears would start. Fear would turn on the taps and the salt water would pour forth. I can remember starting my first ever clarinet lesson in Grade 8 and crying because I felt so out of my depth. I had barely started and the newness of the experience and the unfamiliarity of the teacher was all too much. I lasted three lessons then never returned.

By Grade 12 I was crying less but inside I was still a mess. I was the lead in the school musical, secretary of the student council and had a diverse and large group of friends. But in my room at night I struggled and often felt like I was climbing the walls. My parents had done their best to get me help over the years with counselors but none of it seemed to work and I guess, as a highly-strung and chronic perfectionist, I became good at hiding my inner torment. On the outside I was an above-average, successful student. On the inside I was a basket-case.

By 23, I was on anti-depressants. Over the following 10 years I’d regularly visit a psychiatrist and numerous counselors as I sought to vanquish my anxious and depressive demons. The demons wreaked havoc in my gut and the medication messed with my weight. But every time I eased back or off the medication entirely, the symptoms would return within months. However, throughout all this time, I was a success on the surface with a good husband and a growing public relations career. I was also a highly judgmental young woman and had a view of the world that was strictly black and white. It wasn’t until much later that I’d realise those harsh judgements of others were the direct result of my own cruel judgement of myself.

Fortunately for me, life began to change in my early 30s and it was this shift that would ultimately help me force that anxiety and occasional depression back into the box where they belonged. Looking back now, I can put these changes down to a journey where I would finally uncover my self-worth and ultimately become a far more grounded human being.

Like a lot of people, I’d never really been shown how to value myself and trust my own judgement first, above all others. As young people we seek the advice of those older than us and, if we are insecure (like I was), we will often think others (even our peers) know best or more than us because we have no faith in ourselves whatsoever. Self-reliance and encouragement to go within for our answers is not frequently taught. Perhaps this is because it would encourage a little too much free-thinking in certain situations and this would disruptive?

Taking steps to connect more fully to who I am, and valuing myself and my capacity to make good decisions for me, has been an integral part in managing my anxiety and depression. But it’s not the full story.

The second component has involved learning to live in my head less and in my heart and body more. As a strongly energetic being (a psychic channel, no less), I am susceptible to picking up the energies of other people. This coupled with a mind that is strongly molded in the Western traditions of rationality and logic, has created numerous conflicts within me. My mind wants to reason everything through and weigh everything up (I am a Libran after all) while my intuitive self and my heart know there is often a very good reason to turn down reason and instead listen to the messages the Universe sends to help me on my journey. In hindsight, I wonder how often I was picking up the energies of others while I was growing up without knowing it. I also wonder if this fed my anxiety and twisted my mind into finding ways to reason through emotions, impressions and my own responses that simply had no rational cause.

Living in your head all the time also means you’re frequently not feeling connected to your body and that equals ungroundedness – a feeling of not being connected to the earth and not being present in the moment. It’s taken me a very long time to know what being grounded feels like and it’s an ongoing practice that I’m still seeking to perfect. But, I have to tell you, being grounded makes managing myself and the daily stresses of life a whole lot easier.

Thankfully, I left the anti-depressants behind in my early 30s. And these days I manage my rare bouts of anxiety with strategies ranging from acupuncture to meditation, exercise and natural remedies. Occasionally I will also see a counselor to talk through and release the thoughts scurrying through my mind.

Will I need medication again in the future? Who knows. If life throws me some unforeseen, painful or traumatic event then maybe I will. And that will okay too.

Do I think my process is a magical cure for everyone. No. I don’t. Everyone’s body is different and some people may always need medical assistance to manage their anxiety and depression. Others may take medication for a while, get better for a while, then regress. That’s the sometimes unpredictable nature of mental health and for everyone it is a unique and very personal journey.

However, I firmly believe that my lack of self-worth and being ungrounded were strong contributors to my personal experiences of anxiety and depression. I also believe that people are happier and more balanced if they are strongly connected to their inner selves, have strong self-worth and are grounded in their bodies.

Perhaps if we can teach our young people how to access these feelings and connections they will be less stressed-out and able to live their individual purpose on this planet with more ease and grace. And if my story can help just one other teenager avoid my less than ideal experiences, then that would be a true blessing indeed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

You have a right to go for what you want

You have a right to go for what you want

If there’s one thing I’ve observed repeatedly as a mentor and just an average person walking around living this life, it’s that people rarely seem to be asked, ‘What do you want?’ or they rarely ask themselves this question. And if they do, they give little credence to the answer they receive from within themselves.

So much of what we’re geared to do and be is about pleasing others: our families, our friends, our bosses, our teachers, our lovers, and the list goes on. Yet surely the question, ‘What do I want?’ should be the most important thing you ask yourself, and ask it regularly.

But I’m not talking about, ‘Do I want pizza or steak for dinner?’ The question I’m talking about is, ‘What does my soul want?’ or even more specifically, ‘What does my heart desire, for me?’

When I ask this question of clients and friends too often the response, ‘I want to do X but…’ and they follow the ‘but’ with a myriad of reasons why they can’t do or have what they want. These range from, ‘It’s too expensive’ and ‘XX would disapprove’ to ‘I could never make money out of it’ or ‘I couldn’t make it work’. Or it’s some kind of other self-restriction we’ve created for ourselves that may appear real but is not real all.

And when I hear these responses, underneath there is the call of a larger truth desperately seeking a way out. It is the heart of that person trying to be heard above self-doubt and pleasing every single other person in your life except for you.

Now we all have responsibilities and yes, we have bills to pay. But please allow yourself the opportunity to ask what you really want and then listen to the answer. I can’t tell you how passionately I feel about this issue and when I see people getting up and doing the same thing repeatedly, that they don’t want to do (professionally or personally) I just think, ‘What is the point of that?’

Everyone single person reading this blog is here to live their purpose and I don’t care what that purpose is because it’s not mine, it’s yours. And if you don’t ask yourself the question, ‘What do I want?’ and listen carefully to the answer, you are missing out on one of your greatest gifts…the capacity in you to create whatever it is that you are here to create.

If listening is the second step, then the third one is taking some kind of action however small, to help move you in the direction you truly desire to go. That might be simply getting up 15 minutes earlier to develop that online course you know people out there need, before you go to work. It might be making sure you take a notebook with you on the train every morning so you can capture those beautiful thoughts about that book that is bursting from within you. Or it might simply be seeking the advice of someone to help you work out how to move forward from that terribly stuck place you find yourself. Perhaps it is as simple as asking for help. Whatever action you take will help you get there. It will help you move closer to what you want. It will help you reach the thing your heart desires.

Of course, there are always going to obstacles – who told you that the act of creating something amazing is easy? It’s not. There are peaks and troughs, lightning and raging seas along the way. But if you remember, ‘This is what I truly want’ and you just keep going you will be amazed at where you end up. It might even be a place you never expected that is so much more wonderful than you ever imagined.

So please, for every single one of you reading this post ask yourself ‘What is it that my heart truly desires?’ Then listen to the answer and take just a single step today towards your goal. You have a purpose and your heart needs you to heed its call. It’s what you were born to do.

What is intuitive mentoring?

What is intuitive mentoring?

‘What is intuitive mentoring?’ I’ve had this question (and a few others) numerous times so I thought I’d write a quick blog today and answer the top five questions about intuition and intuitive mentoring.

  1. What is intuitive mentoring?

Intuitive mentoring is a process designed to help you develop your self-awareness and connect more effectively into your intuition. It is about giving you the tools and techniques that will help you tune into the hints the Universe is sending you. This in turn helps you to trust yourself more and make better decisions in all facets of your life

  1. What is intuition?

Intuition is your inner knowing. You might also know it as your ‘gut feeling’, ‘instinct’ or (in Kath and Kim language) ‘feeling it in my waters’. It is essentially a feeling you get that you cannot explain through any rational thought process. For example, it’s the moment you interview a potential employee and think, ‘There’s something not right here’ although on paper and in every other way they seem perfectly fine. But a few months later, they leave with some of your best clients and you think, ‘Mmm, I should’ve listened to my gut feeling on that one.’

Or it’s when you have the opportunity to develop a new product with someone and the returns seem guaranteed, but something’s telling you it’s off so you decline. Then you find out two months later that the potential business partner has gone bankrupt due to some less than ideal business dealings. That was your intuition warning you to take care.

It can also apply in your personal life with that new man who seems perfect for you in every way but inside there’s this nagging feeling that something’s not quite right. Then you find money is starting to go missing from your purse and a friend shows you that your new partner is still on Tinder. Your intuition was warning you something was off.

  1. Does everyone have intuition?

Yes, we all have intuition but not all us of use it and some of us have developed it more strongly than others. It is something you are born with.

  1. How can I develop my intuition?

Developing your intuition requires you to grow you self-awareness and quiet your mind. This will enable you to tune into your intuition more easily. Your intuition often speaks with a quiet voice and this means you must be able to trust it (i.e. trust yourself) and ensure your brain is quiet enough so you can hear what your intuition is trying to tell you.

  1. How can my intuition help me?

People use their intuition in many ways to help with their business and personal lives. For example, in business it’s particularly useful in helping you to identify growth opportunities and new ways to approach old problems. In your personal life, it can help you to live more in alignment with what you really want to do and who you wish to be rather than being overly influenced by the agendas and beliefs of other people.

If you’d like more information about my intuitive mentoring, personal branding and life purpose programs, check out www.lucretiaswords.com