by Lucretia Ackfield | May 2, 2020 | Author, Emotional, Love, Relationships, Self esteem, sex |
I’ve been thinking about love today. This is unsurprising because I’ve been working on my next play and of course, like most of my writing, it is about love and all that goes with it – the good, the bad and the ugly.
The question of whole-heartededly showing up for love in a partnership is coming up and I wonder if many people still believe in that concept.
I see so many relationships that are not based on whole-hearted love. Instead they rely on obligation, financial security, fear of being alone, convenience, public image and even that old deluded adage about staying together for the children’s sake. Why people are still using that last excuse is beyond me – isn’t it abundantly clear that when people stay together for the wrong reasons they sentence their children to an adulthood where they will repeat and then try to break those negative relationship habits modelled by their parents?
But I digress. Back to whole-hearted love.
Whole-hearted love to me, means showing up openly and vulnerably. It means coming together with one other person and connecting in a way that is sacred to you both.
My play explores this concept of whole-hearted love and more controversially, love in open relationships. I have to say, when it comes to whole-hearted love, I find the open and polyamorous dynamic problematic.
To be clear, have sex with whoever you want, with however many people you want and of whatever gender you desire. As long as it’s between two consenting adults – who cares. It is certainly none of my business or anyone else’s for that matter.
But it’s the whole-hearted piece that plays on my mind.
Whole-heartedly loving someone else, to me at least, means showing up for one person and proudly too. It’s not about giving a bit here then giving a bit over there and then returning back here. That isn’t whole-hearted love.
And before you say, but it’s just sex and only a physical act, I have to say no – that’s not all it is.
You can’t get any closer to someone energetically than when you have sex – there is a merging of your energetic fields and when you detach, part of that other person’s energy stays on you. Then you take it with you when you return to your other lover. Then you end up with someone else’s energy in your bed with both of you.
Is that whole-hearted love – to carry energy from one to the next and contaminate the sacred space between you?
I can’t believe that it is.
This brings me to my next question – do we not desire whole-hearted love anymore? Is it considered a mute point in society? Is it redundant and perhaps unneeded? Is it old-fashioned?
I can hear that song playing in my head by Iva Davies when he sings,
“I don’t know where to be begin
Don’t want to hear it again
I don’t believe anymore
This is all I know
I know I’ve heard it before.”
Have we simply stopped believing that whole-hearted love is possible?
Now, I’m not saying I believe whole-hearted love is easily found or easily kept. Sometimes it arrives for a limited period of time then disappears as quickly as it came. I’ve lived long enough in the world to understand that whole-hearted love doesn’t guarantee longevity.
But I do believe it demands through its very nature, exclusivity.
Part of me wonders if some people have given up on it altogether because they don’t believe they deserve it in the first place. If you don’t believe you deserve something then why would you expect it? Certainly, from my own personal observations and conversations, it’s clear that some people agree to polyamorous partnerships because their partner convinces them it is necessary for their relationship to survive. So one gives in to the other because they fear losing them altogether.
I even read an horrendous article recently that gave instructions on how to convince your “unwilling partner” to change their mind – it read like a narcissist’s handbook by encouraging the person to persistently undermine their unwilling partner’s values and beliefs until they finally gave in. I found this horrifying and deeply disturbing.
Now I’m definitely not suggesting this is how all people approach polyamory with their partners. But I have noticed people who give in or are pressured to be in these types of relationships because they fear losing their partners are devastated as a result. The impacts on their self-esteem, feelings of self-worth and being deserving of love can be emotionally catastrophic.
Sex is an amazing and wonderful thing. It can be liberating, fun, stress-relieving and great exercise. It can also be a divinely intimate and sacred act between two people who are showing up whole-heartedly for each other and that connection.
I can’t help but feel sex in a polyamorous dynamic, can’t co-exist easily or at all with whole-hearted love.
But perhaps it doesn’t need to.
by Lucretia Ackfield | Apr 27, 2020 | break ups, clairvoyance, create your life, empowerment, feminism, Intuition, Psychic, psychic connections, psychic messages, Relationships |
A while ago, someone said I was brave to go my own way and not have children when society puts so much pressure on women to do so. She met her comment sincerely but I soon disabused her of the notion that I had made my decision as a form of conscious rebellion against the establishment.
I am a feminist certainly and proud that I don’t fit into the traditional female mode. But I did want children once.
I was married to a man in my 20s but I never wanted them with him.
Then in my 30s I found myself single by choice and occasionally yes, I did think about it but not in any way that I was willing to take concerted action on.
A couple of months shy of my 42nd birthday, I met a man I truly thought was the one – the one for me. I fell completely in love. He was younger and it soon became clear that not having children was a deal breaker for him. He wanted them but at that point in the relationship, I wasn’t sure.
We took two weeks apart for me to work things out. He didn’t want either of us to see anyone else during that time. He said he loved me. He said he was devastated and didn’t know what to do.
I saw a powerful energy healer during that break and through that work I quickly realised I wanted children. I wanted them very much and I wanted them with the man I loved.
Imagine my surprise when I conveyed this news to him and he didn’t believe me. He knew me to be a woman who didn’t lie and yet, he said he couldn’t believe it. He said, “Even if you mean it now, how do I know you won’t change your mind later.”
He ended it and I never saw him again.
He never acknowledged me again. It was as if I no longer breathed. Perhaps I had never really existed at all for him. He certainly found it very easy to deny any love he had felt for me.
I fell into an abyss of grief that took years to recover from. I was suicidal at one point with feelings of loss so deep I thought there was no bottom to the well I was drowning in. I just kept sinking.
Eventually, I did float to the surface and find my feet in the shallows again. But by then it was too late for children. My fertility ship had already drawn anchor and wind was filling its sails. I wasn’t in a position to do it alone financially and I didn’t want to do it without the one I loved anyway. So that was that.
Later I asked a powerful psychic why the Universe would treat me so cruelly. Why would she finally give me the understanding I wanted children of my own at such an age only to rip that possibility from my hands.
She said I had needed the healing to unleash my creativity – a woman’s creativity is born from her womb and the energy healing I’d done had cleared the blockages. I could not do what I’m here to do, create what I am here to create, write my books and so on, without that shift occurring.
I don’t mind telling you, the whole thing seemed very cruel indeed. And I was not gracefully accepting in the face of it. I raged at the light.
But the creativity surely did flow more strongly after that. I wrote extensively about the relationship and break-up in prose before being called back to write it in poetry, of all things. More than 230 poems resulted, all written within about a year. I was on the edge of publishing that work when Corona hit. The Universe has her own timing in mind again it seems.
Someone asked the other day how I get along with my Spirit Guides. The truth is, I’ve had a troubled relationship with them at times. They guided me back to that man twice when I thought about leaving, before I got in too deep emotionally. But they urged me to return. I know now he and I had unfinished business from several past lives and the unleashing of my creativity was all part of the plan in this one.
In my darker moments at the time I wasn’t always grateful for that.
Our guides are here to look after our best interests and help us to learn what our Souls are here to learn. Through that relationship I learned I was clairaudient, I learned I could remotely view someone without even trying. I learned there is no stronger psychic connection than between two people who are bound through the heart. I learned I have the ability to see past lives and see those same patterns repeating in this one.
I learned that Souls have free will as well as lessons to be learned. So you can only plot your way forward with the knowledge you have in this moment until something or someone chooses something different.
None of it makes sense and yet it also makes perfect sense too.
As a psychic channel I feel things deeply and that isn’t always easy. I also see a lot more than sometimes others would like because I can’t simply turn away from a Soul’s truth when I see it in front of me. This makes it difficult for people to be around me if they wish to hide from themselves.
When I help people by using my gifts whether it’s a friend struggling with a problem or a client struggling with direction, I always come back to one inescapable thing – what does their Soul want to do? What is their truth? And then how can we peel back all the stories and energetic blocks that get in the way of it.
It’s powerful work and people need to be ready for it. But, oh, when they are, that is when the magic happens because anything is possible.
In past lives I have been burned at the stake, pursued, murdered and lived in fear of my gifts. In this lifetime, I have walked through metaphorical fires many times when it comes to the truth and my psychic gifts.
Nothing happens by mistake. There are no coincidences and it was no coincidence that I met that man all those years ago. It was no accident that he broke me in fundamental ways so I could rebuild myself in a different form.
It was no mistake that my creativity has flourished since.
Whatever challenge you’re facing right now, it is not a mistake. It is part of your lesson. A lesson your Soul signed up for.
If you need help to navigate your way forward, get in touch. You don’t have to do it alone, I’ve been there and I know the road out.
by Lucretia | Nov 8, 2018 | change the world, clairvoyance, create your life, empowerment, follow your dreams, Psychic, psychic connections, Relationships |
Can you remember a time when you gave up on something you loved or dreamed about? It might have been when you were a kid, or a teenager or as an adult. I want you to think about when you chose to stop going for that dream or doing that job or activity that you loved. Regardless of the circumstances, there was a moment when you chose to let it go.
Maybe some other kids made fun of you for being different, so you gave it up. Maybe a teacher said you weren’t good enough, so you gave it up. Maybe someone told you that it would be too hard or maybe impossible, so you gave it up. Maybe you had a family to provide for, so you gave it up.
Can you see that moment in your mind’s eye? Can you remember how it felt?
When I look back, I can see a few of those moments too. The one that stands out tonight as I write this post, is the moment I realised that if I was going to be with my husband then I would probably never work overseas. He was perfectly happy staying where he was and we were married and I loved him. At the time, my choice seemed obligatory and not a real choice at all. If I wanted my relationship then I had to give up the exciting dream that beckoned to me.
But it was me who chose. I could have gone for six months and then returned, but I didn’t (I wasn’t brave enough to take that risk on my own). I could have left him, but I didn’t (that came years later when our paths were definitely and permanently no longer running in parallel).
I chose not to chase that dream.
Over the past 13 years, since my marriage ended, I have done a lot of travel. I guess you could say I’ve been making up for lost time. I even worked remotely for clients while I was in Italy last year, so I guess you could say I finally realised my dream after all. Does that mean we all eventually get where we’re meant to go? I’m not sure.
I know I’ve come a long way from that 20-something young woman who was too scared to go for what she really wanted. I also know that the love I’m seeking these days won’t require me to give up what I love and dream of. Compromise in a relationship is one thing, but giving up on your dreams and the things you love permanently is a choice I’m no longer willing to make.
Life will always throw us curve balls. Sometimes we have to defer things and put them off for a while until it’s a better time. I know this. But the danger is when we choose to make those decisions to align with other people’s expectations, or when we think we should just be more sensible, more practical and [insert all the other reasons we tell ourselves why we can’t have what we truly desire and deserve].
I hope that when you read this post you will remember that thing you loved or dreamt of. I also hope you will choose to find a way to reach for it again because the real cost of giving up what you love is always too high.
Lucretia is an author, psychic channel and transformational teacher who helps women reach for what they love. Her three-month, personalised mentoring programs help women like you claim their Intuitive Power and Live Their Soul’s Mission. Contact Lucretia at lucretia@lucretiaswords.com for more information. You can also find more of her work on Facebook and Instagram
by Lucretia | Oct 2, 2016 | Love, Relationships, The Men I've Almost Dated |
As the release date for my book, The Men I’ve Almost Dated, drew closer, I had more than one person query my choice to put my story out there. Comments have include things like, ‘Are you prepared for what people might say?’ and ‘I couldn’t do it. You’re completely putting who you are out there. There could be a bit of a backlash on some of it.’
Their comments are only reflecting some of the fears I’ve had along the way; fears that, to be honest, still occasionally begin to simmer under the surface before sinking back into the depths once again.
My book is my story, that much is true. Some of the content will make some people uncomfortable. That much is also true. Does it reveal who I am and share the lumps and bumps of a small part of my life’s journey? Yes. It does. And finally, do I always appear in a positive, happy-clappy, innocent light in the stories I’ve shared. No, I don’t always and that’s because it’s real. I don’t believe for one second that any adult with any life experience has led as so-called ‘blameless’ life. We have all made mistakes and explored less than ideal situations, particularly when it comes to matters of the heart. I am no different.
But I know in my heart that if I don’t do this thing, if I don’t share my story, then I will always, always regret it because I’m here to share my story; it’s part of my purpose on the planet. I also believe that it actually might help some other women out there who are like me to feel more comfortable with their own story.
It was during a conversation with a work colleague about six years ago when I first began to think my story might have some real value to the outside world. She was going through a separation after a long-term relationship and most of her friends didn’t understand what she was going through. They were used to her as she’d always been – the one who was stable and ‘taken care of’. But now she was transitioning to her new life and many found that process uncomfortable to witness. Of course, all things she was doing were completely normal for a woman in her 30s going through that process – the partying, the shopping up a storm, the younger men, etc. But later she told me that it was only when I’d shared some of my similar stories and experiences that she began to feel she was normal. She said, ‘I felt like a weight lifted from my shoulders.’
That I could help one person feel better about their journey seemed like an incredible gift.
My book isn’t high-brow but it’s honest. It’s also real and I own every bit of the story. And if it can help another woman to feel better and more comfortable with her own sometimes fraught journey through single life, then I think it’s totally worth putting myself out there.
If it makes others feel uncomfortable, then I think that has far more to do with them than it has to do with me. So I’m going to feel the fears about putting my story out there…and go ahead and do it anyway.
The Men I’ve Almost Dated is now on sale. Find out more>
by Lucky Lucy | Mar 2, 2016 | Love, Relationships, self discovery |
I’ve been talking to a lot of clients and friends lately about relationships and getting our needs met. Sometimes those relationships are with our love partners, other times they are with our friends, work colleagues or family members. Wherever we go in life we are ‘in relationship’ with someone and the smooth running (or not) of these is dependent on meeting or, at the very least, acknowledging the needs of the other person.
It seems to me those needs are things that a very specific for every individual. Whether they are the result of nature or nurture (or a combination of both), I can’t be sure. But we all have them and, when they’re being ignored by the person we’re in relationship with, things go downhill very quickly.
One of the most obvious examples of this is in a love relationship. If Person A needs some kind of structure and security to feel safe and happy in a relationship, and their partner (Person B) doesn’t have those same core needs and doesn’t acknowledge/isn’t aware of those needs, or refuses to make space for them to be met within the relationship, then neither of them are going to be happy for long.
I’m not saying you need to compromise who you are to make the other person happy – if you do that, it’s not going to work. Instead I think it’s about understanding the other person in the relationship is coming from a different and equally important perspective and, for that relationship to thrive you both need to acknowledge and make space for the other person’s core needs to be met.
Let me offer another example and this time I’ll use me. I’m a very creative and highly intuitive person. For me this translates into a need for space in my life to allow my creativity to flourish and acceptance of my intuitive gifts (i.e. who I am). If I was in a love relationship with someone who couldn’t acknowledge and make space for those needs to be met, we would come up against some very serious challenges.
Of course, sometimes we need help to understand what the other person’s needs are. They may not be able to tell us or even understand them fully themselves. This is where you need to work together and talk it through. Being courageous enough to openly acknowledge and own your needs can be a big step and involves trusting the other person will be open to hearing where you’re coming from. There will be times when the other person doesn’t ‘get it’ and isn’t interested in understanding or making space for what you need in that relationship. That’s when you need to decide what’s best for you and you may need to move on. However, for some, a third party can help you get clear on these things so you can move forward together.
If you are experiencing challenges in relationship with someone else, whoever it is, perhaps all that’s needed is recognition firstly of your own needs, then theirs, and the development of a way you can both have those core needs met. Ignoring your needs, or theirs, is never going to be a successful long term strategy for happiness or contentment in a relationship.
by Lucky Lucy | Jan 18, 2016 | Relationships, self development, Uncategorized |
Late one night in November 2014, around 2am, I was pacing back and forth in the lounge-room of my ex, tears pouring down my cheeks, as he slept peacefully in the next room. I was trying to make sense of his behaviour that weekend and how he seemed to be turning into someone I didn’t know. I didn’t know he was already checking out of our relationship and was building up to a deathblow he’d sensitively deliver the next morning (literally around two minutes before he dropped me off at work).
As I paced the room, assessing my own behaviour, I wondered if I was doing something to create the situation. Could it be my fault in some way? As a woman of 40-something years, I’d been in relationships before and could, with a bit of objectivity, see that maybe I was bringing some of my emotional baggage forward. I don’t think that’s a particularly unusual state of affairs. After all, we are all shaped by our experiences and it’s sometimes hard to leave those behind when we begin a new relationship.
Eventually, as I often do, I turned to my writing to process the situation and wrote this blog on my phone where it has remain hidden until now. So here are a few of my thoughts on the ghosts of relationships past. I did read this to my ex as we drove to work the next day but I guess he didn’t really get it. However, perhaps my words will provide you with some interesting insights (or amusement).
I sometimes think our exes are like nosy new neighbours who don’t know when to leave. You move into a new relationship/house and everything seems great. There’s more room than your old place and you’ll feel much more free and happy. ‘Yeah,’ you think, ‘this is going to be good’.
Then the neighbours show up. ‘Yoohoo!’ they’ll cry as they stick their heads around the front door you foolishly left ajar. ‘Can we come in?’
Before you can say, ‘No! No! Come back later’ (or preferably never) they’ve strolled in and started going through all your stuff including the new boxes you’ve just started unpacking.
‘Oh, remember when we…,’ one of them will say.
‘Oh you know you always made that such an issue with me,’ another will reminisce.
And so on they will go until you feel like you’re going to scream.
You don’t want them there in the new house with you, those old relationships you thought you’d left behind. You don’t want them affecting your new relationship. But, unfortunately those ‘neighbours’ are always going to live next to your house, wherever you move. You can never escape them completely and they can cause trouble in your new house if you let them.
The trick is to hear the lessons they remind you about but always know when to push them unceremoniously out the door and turn the locks behind them. A good set of sensor lights will also catch them in the act when they next try to sneak onto your property.
Did you know I’ve just launched my new website, Lucretia’s Words? If you’re interested in personal branding, intuitive mentoring or writing services, please head on over and check it out.
