by Lucky Lucy | Aug 12, 2015 | Dating, Men, sex |
‘…Let’s talk about sex, baby
Let’s talk about you and me
Let’s talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let’s talk about sex
Let’s talk about sex
Let’s talk about sex
Let’s talk about sex
Let’s talk about sex for now to the people at home or in the crowd
It keeps coming up anyhow
Don’t decoy, avoid, or make void the topic
Cuz that ain’t gonna stop it
Now we talk about sex on the radio and video shows
Many will know anything goes
Let’s tell it how it is, and how it could be
How it was, and of course, how it should be…’
Let’s Talk About Sex, Salt ‘n’ Pepa.
Mum has always been very supportive of my writing. She’s the one in my family who asks how it’s going, wants to read my work and encourages me to follow my writing dream (even when the going gets tough).
Last year, I showed her a chapter from the latest draft of my book and she loved it. She said it made her feel emotional and she wanted to cry a little. This was high praise coming from Mum.
Fast forward a year and that draft has morphed and changed into a far more refined version. And Mum’s been supportive the whole time. ‘When do I get to read your book?’ has been her regular refrain followed by, ‘Is it finished yet?’
About a month ago I was finally able to say, ‘Yes, it’s ready enough for you to see it. I’ll email to you.’ Would she like it or hate it, I didn’t know. But it was time.
Four long days crept past with no word from Mum. Was my book complete crap?? My fears started to bubble a little. Surely all was fine. Maybe she was busy and hadn’t read it yet.
Finally, I rang her on another pretext and as the conversation drew to a close she said, ‘By the way, I read your book.’
‘Oh?’ I said. ‘What did you think?’
‘I thought it was very well written,’ she said. ‘But I don’t really think it’s for my generation. And, as your mother, I don’t really want to read about all the men you’ve had sex with.’
Oh. My. God.
‘Mum, you do realise I haven’t slept with all the men I mention in the book. That’s why it’s called The Men I’ve Almost Dated. And besides, even if I had, it wouldn’t actually be many by most people’s standards…for my age.’
‘Well, that’s not always very clear,’ she replied. ‘But I thought it was good and very well written,’ she added hastily.
Awkward!!!
Now, my Mum knew the subject matter of my book before she read it. Lord knows she’s been privy over the years to many of my ridiculous dating and male-related stories. And trust me, there really isn’t much graphic content in my book. But I think Mum was a little shocked and, as I now look through some of my stories, I guess I can understand why. My writing is pretty open and I tend to say it like it is. If you’re single and you’re dating (or not dating), the subject of sex is going to come up. It is 2015 after all.
But my Mum is 70 years old and from another generation; a generation that definitely wasn’t as open about things as we are today.
When I next saw Mum, she made a point of saying (again) how good she thought my book was and I know she is still really supportive, regardless of the content. But, as I plan its launch for later this year, I’m starting to wonder if I need to include some sort of age-related warning label like, ‘Contains some semi-shocking content and should only be read by people aged 18-60 years.’
Hopefully my second book (planned for early next year) will be a little less shocking for Mum and she’ll feel comfortable handing it out to her friends. For obvious reasons, I’m guessing it’s unlikely she’ll proudly distribute copies of The Men I’ve Almost Dated to her friends in the mostly 60+ age group at her weekly yoga class.
Love you Mum. xo
by Lucky Lucy | Aug 9, 2015 | Advice, Bad behaviour, Intuition, Love, Men, turning 30 |
I’m the final throes of editing my first-ever book. It’s a memoir about my 30s and all the crazy men-related experiences I had during that time. As I sift through the final edits, I’m constantly reminded of how far I’ve come in learning to trust myself and my own judgement. It’s been a long road.
Mine is the story of a woman who, around the age of 30, begins to feel and finally listen to the inner voice inside her. It’s a voice that says, you’re on the wrong road and you need to make some serious changes. My story continues with what, in hindsight, seems like the ‘what not to do’ when it comes to life, men and relationships. As I re-read the anecdotes, I revisit a roller coaster of highs and lows that somehow I emerge from (with a little dignity intact) and I keep going. Some of the stories are so odd that I can hardly believe they happened. Yet they did. Some of my behaviour was quite odd. Yet I did it all.
I was a woman on a journey of self-discovery that has brought me to this very moment in time.
What is most obvious to me is how much I’ve grew through those experiences and how much more I trust myself because of those things I went through. I’ve gone from being a 20-something judgemental, naive and very analytically-focused woman to the 40-something I am now. But I had to go through all those things in the middle to get here.
Nowadays I’m not so judgemental because I’m no longer so hard on myself. I’ve realised that we all make mistakes and life is never black and white; it’s all the colours of the rainbow. I’ve done some things I’m not particularly proud of, but I own them all because they’ve made me who I am.
Somewhere along the way I’ve also decided to trust that voice inside me, my intuitive inner guidance system that always has my back. It’s a voice I ignored a lot in my early life and certainly, when dealing with men, I tried to drown it out with rationalisation and kind excuses (kind to men, that is). These days my intuition is something I use every day to keep me on track in all kinds of ways. I also use my rational brain and reasoning too, but that’s not all I rely on anymore. Like many people, my brain can rationalise almost anything if I let it while my intuition always cuts through to the truth of the matter…if I’m brave enough to listen to it.
My intuition can’t necessarily stop me being hurt. But it can warn me when that event is likely. It also helps me see things for what they are and not what I’d like them to be. My brain and its very passionate friend my Ego are rather clever at pulling the wool over my eyes.
So I’m grateful for all the craziness, ill-advised decision-making and random events of my 30s because they’ve brought me to this moment in time. They’ve taught me so much about who I am and who I wish to be. And most of all they’ve brought me to a point in my life when I have learned to trust me. What greater gift could there be, than that?
If you’d like to learn more about connecting to your own intuition, check out my next Nights for Spiritual Beginners – Introductory Course beginning in Brisbane on 19 August 2015. More information is available at http://lucyandlife.com/a-night-for-spiritual-beginners/
by Lucky Lucy | Mar 8, 2015 | break ups, Emotional, Ex, Life, Love, Marriage, Men, Relationships |
Over the past ten years I’ve noticed a trend that doesn’t seem to be diminishing and it’s played on my mind. I’ve tried to twist my perspective this way and that and I still haven’t come up with a definitive answer.
So today I thought I’d write about it and see if you had thoughts to share on the matter.
As a divorced woman in my 40s I’ve watched the relationships of numerous friends and acquaintances break-up. And it’s what has happened next that has me most perplexed.
Invariably the men move on to other relationships quickly while the women generally spend more time in recovery before even dipping their toe in the water again. Most men seem to barely draw breath before launching into something new. They can be emerging from a 10-year relationship or an intense affair and just a few weeks later they’re out there again, ready to repeat the experience. And they do. Within a very short space of time (often weeks or months) they’ll be ensconced in another relationship.
Most women on the other hand seem to take time for more self-reflection. They allow themselves the space to heal and are, often, not the least bit interested in trying on someone new until they’ve sorted through the mess of the old.
When I see this happening time and time again, I find it a little disconcerting.
Is it that men simply don’t need to process what went wrong? Do they truly have the capacity to just compartmentalise their past, stick it in a box and get on with it? Or are women just more inclined to navel-gaze and mull things over for extended periods of time?
As a woman, I can’t claim to know what goes on inside a man’s head when it comes to these things. However I can’t help but think it’s not a healthy pattern to simply go from one relationship into the next without giving yourself the space to think about what went wrong. I also wonder why many men appear to find this type of self-contemplation so hard to do.
Is it that men can’t be alone? Or are they conditioned through our culture and societal expectations that they must have a partner to be considered successful? And so their first thought is they must find someone new and simply forget what came before – they just have to ‘get on with it’ because there are ‘plenty more fish in the sea’.
Now, I’m not advocating that humans are meant to live without companionship. As a wise man once told me, ‘No one really wants to be alone and if they say otherwise they are lying.’ Relationships with other human beings with the accompaniments of companionship, acceptance and physical touch are a vital part of our existence. And like all human beings, I desire that for myself too.
But surely there is more room for the self-awareness that comes from being alone, outside a relationship. And why do most women seem more willing to have that experience and to grant themselves the space to do so?
Are women more adaptable? Can they more easily fill their own inner well? Have many men not been taught how to do this and instead look to have it filled by women?
One of my male friends would tell me it’s all about the male ‘lizard brain’ that is purely motivated by sex and not much else. But I know many women who also value sex highly as a vital way to connect with their partners, so it can’t all be about that.
Like I said at the start of this post, I don’t have an answer to all this. But I do question the behaviour when I see it time and time again. I also know that those emotions that have been shoveled under the carpet will eventually re-surface in a not-so-healthy way in a later relationship and the new partner will have to deal with the male’s unresolved issues from the past.
And, as a woman who’s been on the receiving end of that experience, I have to tell you it’s no fun.
by Lucky Lucy | Jan 30, 2015 | Bad behaviour, Emotional, Love, Men, Relationships |
‘Love doesn’t make sense and it’s just not practical,’ my friend Linda * told me today. We were discussing men, their behaviour and how we (the women!) react to what they do.
It seems to me there were never truer words spoken.
When you love someone it frequently makes no sense at all. It overtakes you, smites your common sense to the curve and blinds you to things you would usually run from. It sneaks up on you and before you know it, you’re in too deep. And the person you’re in love with may be the complete opposite of what you expected. They may not fit the mold or the picture you had in your head. But you will love them anyway.
It’s also incredibly impractical. Falling in love is the worst for this. You’ll find yourself distracted, staring into space with a smile playing across your face as you think of your love. Focus is a distant memory. You’ll have a million things to do and yet you’ll do none of them.
It’s impractical because it isn’t about order or control or being neat and tidy. It brings chaos because you must let go and fall head first, never knowing where you’ll end up. Love is not well-behaved. It will not do what it’s told. And even if you try to run away from it (yes, some people strangely attempt this) it will still find you in the end. Your love will pop into your head when you least expect it.
That’s just what love does.
Love will make you want to forgive behaviour you would never accept from anyone else (this may not be wise or sensible, but still you’ll want to do it). It can make you turn away from all you’ve known to take a chance on an unknown path.
Love makes you throw caution to the wind.
And if that isn’t unsettling enough, love can decimate you. Its departure can bring you to your knees and take you to edge of madness.
So why do we put ourselves through all of this?
Scientists will tell you falling in love is all about pheromones and genetics. I even read today that you can fall in love by staring into someone’s eyes for a certain period of time and asking the right questions.
But I don’t agree. I prefer to think of love as a more cosmic thing. True love is written in the stars and meant to be…whether you plan it or not.
And I will take its nonsensical, impracticality and possible decimation over the nothingness of its absence any day. Because love cracks you open, allows the light into your soul and, even if it’s only for a short time, it lifts you up higher than you could ever have imagined was possible.
I choose love.
by Lucky Lucy | Dec 26, 2013 | Emotional, Inspiration, Life, Men, Travelling |
Image – futuresobright.com
I‘ve been wondering about 2014.
I know I should be living in the present but honestly, there are lots of reasons I’d like this year to be over and to start a new chapter in my life. Many friends have been experiencing their own challenges in 2013 and I think we’ll all draw a collective sigh of relief at midnight on 31 December.
There have of course been some wonderful moments but geez, sometimes it’s felt like we’ve been pushed to our limits on so many levels.
The question is, if 2013 was so ‘challenging’, what will be different in 2014?
Well, me, I guess. I want to be different. I want to take all the lessons I’ve learned about life, love, business and money and apply them constructively.
I want to let go of all those heavy emotional weights that have been holding me back and tripping me up whenever I’ve tried to move forward.
So I’m making a list of what I want my life to look like in 2014.
It doesn’t include becoming a millionaire (although of course, I wouldn’t say no to that!). But it does include having enough money to pay all my bills on time, buy some pretty shoes and do some travel beyond Australian shores.
It doesn’t include being rescued by a Prince on a white steed who will sweep me off my feet and take me to his castle. But it does include an emotionally mature and sexy male who is capable of commitment, fun and being a true partner…with me. I’m done with Bridget Jones-like tragedies.
It doesn’t include being the CEO of a multinational company. But it does include work that is satisfying, challenging, uses my skills and contributes towards making the world a better place.
It doesn’t include being a world-class athlete. But it does include good emotional and physical health with no injuries.
And finally, it doesn’t include glamorous parties with celebrities. But it does include regular gatherings, long chats, laughs and hugs with good friends and family members.
These are just some of the things I’m setting my intentions for in 2014. I know I’ll have to take action to help make these things come to pass. But I figure setting my intentions is a good way to start the process.
So bring it on 2014! I’m ready.
by Lucky Lucy | Dec 11, 2013 | children, Family, Fear, Life, Men, Relationships, Self esteem, vulnerable, Women |
Image – telegraph.co.uk
Guest post by Aurora S.
When I was in year 4, a girl in year 7 came up to me and asked, “Are you wearing a bra?”
How is an eight year old supposed to know what a bra is?
I asked my Mum, “What’s a bra?” She just looked down my top, squealed with joy in her voice and said, “It’s time to go shopping, you DO have little boobies”.
Really? Like, really? At the age of eight?
There was no turning back from there. I was an early “bloomer” (as some people put it). Not long afterwards a year 7 boy said I looked like Shannon Doherty from Beverly Hills 90210.
On my expedition later that week to buy a bra with my Mum, a girl in my brother’s year level asked me, “How’s your new boyfriend Tom?”
My mother instantly slapped me across the face and I burst into tears.
I am from a first generation migrant family and I wasn’t supposed to know boys existed until marriage. It was also the 1980s and hitting children wasn’t frowned upon.
So my first experience of being “liked” didn’t turn out so well. As you can imagine, I developed an unhealthy body and sexual image of myself at a young age. Was it because I had boobs? Did I really start to look like Shannon?
I didn’t want to be pretty. I didn’t want to get into trouble.
It didn’t get better as I got older. My boobs grew bigger, my face became prettier and more boys and men noticed me as I reached my teens and young adulthood.
I struggled in a few unhealthy relationships growing up. I didn’t know if it was due to my looks or maybe I wasn’t compatible with the men I dated.
I wasn’t redirected to focus on the more important aspects in life, rather than the external attributes I possessed. I found it hard to embrace the way I looked. I grew up getting compliments. I still do.
But I’m 30 now. I have two beautiful daughters and my husband would say they look like me. And although my face is ageing slowly, I’m embracing every minute I have this face. More importantly, I focus my daughters’ attention on how well they can read, count, play, and show love, affection and manners. The looks are a given but they don’t determine the level of success you possess as a human being.
Women are the biggest critics and the most supportive beings towards one another. Mothers have the biggest impacts on their daughters. I’m blessed to have mine and blessed to be one now.
Aurora S is a woman, lover, friend and mother with a passion for lifelong learning. She has a serious job but doesn’t take life too seriously.
