by Lucky Lucy | Mar 15, 2015 | Emotional, Inspiration, Life, Love, Marriage, Relationships, Wedding |
‘Thank you for saying yes,’ he said.
I was at the wedding reception for my good friend Jenelyn yesterday and her new husband Adam looked lovingly across at her as he said these words in his speech. It was a precious moment and we all felt honoured to share it with them on their special day.
Jenelyn waited a long time for the right man to come her way and she’s chosen well. She lights up when he is around and now radiates a new level of self-possession and calmness conjured from the magic of knowing she is nurtured and supported to be whoever she desires to be. Adam is the same.
Earlier in the week, my housemate Brad and my friend Meaghan had been discussing relationships and love when I heard Meaghan say, ‘The right one feeds you.’
‘The right person will fill you up.’
As I watched Jenelyn and Adam together, I was reminded of Meaghan’s words and the fundamental truth they held.
When you’re in a relationship with the right person, they fill you up. Their presence in your life will lift your spirit and fill you with light. Of course, there will be hard times and they will inevitably drive you crazy sometimes, but their presence will feed your spirit and you will feed theirs.
That’s just how it works.
Do we forget this vital point when we find ourselves buffeted this way and that in a stormy relationship that diminishes our spirit and makes us feel lesser? I think we do. Lord knows, when I look back at some of my previous relationships it’s clear I had forgotten that imperative for a strong relationship.
The right person will feed me. The right one will fill me with light and help me to shine brightly, just as I am. They will not seek to diminish me; they will help me stand alone in my power and reach all I wish to be. They will be there to catch me when I fall. They will not run from conflict, they will find a way through it so we can grow together.
And I will do the same for them.
It was these thoughts that flooded through my mind yesterday as I watched Jenelyn and Adam exchange their vows and openly express their love for each other. They have found the right one to walk forward with. They have found the one that fills them with light. They have found the one who feeds them.
Whoever you are, I wish the same for you.
by Lucky Lucy | Mar 8, 2015 | break ups, Emotional, Ex, Life, Love, Marriage, Men, Relationships |
Over the past ten years I’ve noticed a trend that doesn’t seem to be diminishing and it’s played on my mind. I’ve tried to twist my perspective this way and that and I still haven’t come up with a definitive answer.
So today I thought I’d write about it and see if you had thoughts to share on the matter.
As a divorced woman in my 40s I’ve watched the relationships of numerous friends and acquaintances break-up. And it’s what has happened next that has me most perplexed.
Invariably the men move on to other relationships quickly while the women generally spend more time in recovery before even dipping their toe in the water again. Most men seem to barely draw breath before launching into something new. They can be emerging from a 10-year relationship or an intense affair and just a few weeks later they’re out there again, ready to repeat the experience. And they do. Within a very short space of time (often weeks or months) they’ll be ensconced in another relationship.
Most women on the other hand seem to take time for more self-reflection. They allow themselves the space to heal and are, often, not the least bit interested in trying on someone new until they’ve sorted through the mess of the old.
When I see this happening time and time again, I find it a little disconcerting.
Is it that men simply don’t need to process what went wrong? Do they truly have the capacity to just compartmentalise their past, stick it in a box and get on with it? Or are women just more inclined to navel-gaze and mull things over for extended periods of time?
As a woman, I can’t claim to know what goes on inside a man’s head when it comes to these things. However I can’t help but think it’s not a healthy pattern to simply go from one relationship into the next without giving yourself the space to think about what went wrong. I also wonder why many men appear to find this type of self-contemplation so hard to do.
Is it that men can’t be alone? Or are they conditioned through our culture and societal expectations that they must have a partner to be considered successful? And so their first thought is they must find someone new and simply forget what came before – they just have to ‘get on with it’ because there are ‘plenty more fish in the sea’.
Now, I’m not advocating that humans are meant to live without companionship. As a wise man once told me, ‘No one really wants to be alone and if they say otherwise they are lying.’ Relationships with other human beings with the accompaniments of companionship, acceptance and physical touch are a vital part of our existence. And like all human beings, I desire that for myself too.
But surely there is more room for the self-awareness that comes from being alone, outside a relationship. And why do most women seem more willing to have that experience and to grant themselves the space to do so?
Are women more adaptable? Can they more easily fill their own inner well? Have many men not been taught how to do this and instead look to have it filled by women?
One of my male friends would tell me it’s all about the male ‘lizard brain’ that is purely motivated by sex and not much else. But I know many women who also value sex highly as a vital way to connect with their partners, so it can’t all be about that.
Like I said at the start of this post, I don’t have an answer to all this. But I do question the behaviour when I see it time and time again. I also know that those emotions that have been shoveled under the carpet will eventually re-surface in a not-so-healthy way in a later relationship and the new partner will have to deal with the male’s unresolved issues from the past.
And, as a woman who’s been on the receiving end of that experience, I have to tell you it’s no fun.
by Lucky Lucy | Feb 25, 2015 | Fear, Inspiration, Life, Personal power |
What if I told you it was possible? I’m talking about that dream you hold close to your heart.
Would you believe me or would that voice in your head drown out my words?
You know the voice. It’s the one saying, ‘You can’t. You’re not being realistic. Who do you think you are anyway? Don’t get above yourself. What will people think?’
It’s the voice that keeps you small. It keeps you scared. And it can stop you moving just one centimetre towards what you truly want – that job, that opportunity, that dream of what your life could look like. It also stops you believing there are people out there who could help you on your path – people who inspire you, lift you up and support you for who you are.
But what if it’s possible? What if the voice in your head is wrong. Dead wrong.
What if, by the very act of believing you can do it, things can change? By taking a chance and following your heart’s desire, the Universe will shift things in your favour and help you along.
It is possible. Sometimes the course may not look like you expect. It may not follow the plan in your head. But you will be moving. And as you keep going your dream will get closer.
There may be delays and diversions – that is life. But as long as you believe it is possible, it will be.
It may be hard to keep that fearful voice quiet during your journey. And the moment you give it air, things will start to stall. It really does have that power you know. You can slow down or even kill the creation of that amazing thing in your head with fear.
So believe it’s possible. Keep going and go for it.
You are enough. You deserve it. And I believe in you.
by Lucky Lucy | Feb 13, 2015 | Inspiration, Life, Travelling |
This morning I woke early after limited sleep to see my cousin/housemate off. He’s going on a two-week adventure and, although I could have slept through his departure, I preferred to get up and say goodbye.
B* is travelling to Papua New Guinea on a boys-own trip that will involve surfing, sand, fishing and no doubt some significant alcohol consumption.
And you should’ve seen his face as he rushed around the house gathering his things as the taxi waited outside.
He was grinning from ear to ear. The excitement was palpable and evident in every part of his body.
He was going on an adventure.
I loved seeing that look on B’s face. And I’m sure he will have an absolutely awesome time. Part of me was envious that I wasn’t going too – not that I’m a surfer by any means.
But it was the scent of adventure and travel that called me – the opportunity to explore the worlds of other cultures and above all, find my own way to a land that lies beyond the horizon. The chance to have an adventure lies tantalisingly in the distance.
And this year I’m going to do it.
I’m not sure how I’m going to get there, how I’ll pay for it, or where I’ll stay. But this year I will travel again. And just like all those times before, the experience will open my soul and expand my universe.
It’s time for some new adventures and today, I’m officially inviting them in.
In the meantime, I shall dream of places yet unseen and mysteries yet to unfold.
by Lucky Lucy | Feb 12, 2015 | Emotional, Fear, Life, Sense of self |
I feel like the Universe has been sending me a lot of lessons in the past few of months about the light and shadow aspects of myself and others. Authors such as Caroline Myss (The Sacred Contract) have written about these aspects and talk about our capacity to work within the light or shadow of who we are. Every part of our personality has two sides.
Now some might claim they only ever work within the light and always have good intentions towards others. And most of the time that will be true.
But it’s when we’re hurt by someone, things don’t go our way or we feel backed into a corner that our shadow aspects come out. A shadow can manifest as resentment, martyrdom, claiming victimhood, anger or just plain meaness. It can be vindictive, manipulative and scathing of the sensitivities of others. It can lead us to ignore the pain we cause while we flounder around in our own hurts and feelings.
Stay in the shadows for too long and you may find you’re moving to the extreme where you rage at the world and demand retribution, or direct negative energy towards others to get your own back.
A while ago, a wise friend said there are no good or bad people, just people. And I believe that to be true. We will all shift between the shadowy parts of ourselves (the so-called ‘bad bits’) and the lighter parts (the ‘good bits’) over and over again in our lifetimes. That’s just part of being the perfectly imperfect humans we are.
I think it’s important to acknowledge that we all have shadows and perhaps by acknowledging them, and looking them straight in the eye, we can learn to balance them better with our lightness. Perhaps that will stop them roaring out when we strike an obstacle. A balance between our shadows and our lightness is the key to a more balanced existence.
The shadows that lie within all of us aren’t bad, they are just part of who we are. But how we choose to manage those shadow aspects is the true sign of who we seek to become in this lifetime.
by Lucky Lucy | Feb 9, 2015 | Emotional, Fear, Life, Personal power, Self esteem, Sense of self |
A good friend said yesterday that she wanted to move to another city. ‘At least I’d be able to get away from X,’ she reasoned.
I shook my head and said, ‘But you know if you try to run away from yourself, you’ll only run into yourself.’
She looked at me like I was mad and said, ‘That makes no sense.’
But I have to tell you it’s the truth.
When things are too real, too painful or just too uncomfortable, we often try to run away. But what we don’t realise is those situations are part of ourselves. And you can’t run from who you are because it’s like you’re running away from you. You can jump on a plane and leave the country but your problem, issue or pain will still be with you. You might leave the ‘person’ you hold responsible behind, but if you don’t deal with the issue it will come back to haunt you later in another way.
Some of us will even try to hide from things we desperately want but don’t believe we deserve or could ever have. You might stay in a nice, dependable and well-paid job when you really want to do something that pays less but will make you happy.
Or consider the person who desperately wants to be loved but runs away from it because the thought of letting someone see all of them, with all their flaws and darkness, is terrifying. So instead they choose relationships that will never run too deep and choose to keep hiding.
We can become very good at pushing away the things we want.
It happens every day and I am no exception. I have tried to hide from myself many times.
It takes courage to be honest with yourself and face your demons. The thought of picking away the scab to see what’s beneath can be terrifying. What if we don’t like the person we find? What if we’re not strong enough?
Some people will never ‘go there’. They will hide for a lifetime because it’s easier.
And they’re right. It is easier.
But if you hide from who you are and what you honestly want, you will never be truly happy. You are a wonderful spiritual being living a human existence. That means you are here to learn lessons and expand your soul. Sure that expansion means facing pain and discomfort but the process also brings boundless joy, love and understanding.
Imagine if you could extend that love and understanding to yourself.
