If you’ve found this post then you’re someone who wants to create change in the world. You want to live differently to the way your parents and other people you know have lived. You have a vision or maybe just an inkling of doing things differently.
Have you ever shared your desire, your dream, your vision with someone you thought would have your back? Maybe you opened up just a little and trusted them.
You wanted their support and understanding but instead, all you heard was something like:
“Oh look that sounds a bit like a dream to me and not very realistic”
“I really think you need to be a bit more practical”
“I think that’s something you can do on the side. But for now you should finish your degree and get a really good job”
“We never had these opportunities when we were young and we wanted to make sure that you have them. So don’t waste them. Get a good job and get paid well. Forget all that other stuff because it’s not very realistic. Just go out and achieve, achieve, achieve.” (This may come from your parents if they didn’t have a lot of opportunities.)
When you get this type of negative or “realistic” feedback about what you want to create, it can be really hard to keep your focus and maintain your faith in your ability to make your dreams real.
But there are things you can do to make sure their stories and negative feedback doesn’t take you off track and stop you from living your purpose.
Understand their response is about THEIR STORY NOT YOURS.
We all tell ourselves stories about what is possible and what is not. These are based on our experiences, beliefs and interactions with others.
But if you share your desire or dream with someone and their story negatively influences their response, you potentially enter a danger zone. If you are not feeling really grounded and centred in yourself, you will take their story on as your truth. This is dangerous for you because it’s not the truth. It is just a story they believe and they are projecting it onto you.
It’s possible their dreams were squashed when they were young and they lost hope that they could do anything different. This led them to conform and do what their parents, community and friends wanted them to do. So your idea to do something that bucks the system will confront their beliefs and the story they’ve been telling themselves about what their life can, could or should be.
I’m not trying to invalidate their perspectives because those experiences will be real for them. But that’s their story, NOT YOURS. You’re here to create your own story.
Yes, you need to be able to support yourself financially, look after and be responsible for yourself. But that doesn’t mean you have to live the same kind of life that other people think you should live.
ALL OR NOTHING THINKING can stop you before you start
Sometimes we also have all or nothing thinking and this stops us from moving forward. You will be worrying that if you make the wrong decision now, you might screw everything up. This leaves you feeling indecisive and sometimes you avoid making any decisions at all.
But whatever you’re doing when you’re aged 20, 22, 25, 27, etcetera, YOU WON’T BE DOING THOSE THINGS IN ANOTHER 10 YEARS. Nothing stays the same for that long so you’re better off taking a chance in this moment, doing what feels right for you and moving forward. Otherwise you will be waiting for the perfect time and a guaranteed outcome (neither of these exist!!).
One particular decision is rarely going to make or break your entire life. Waiting for other people to “get it”, and understand and support your decisions is also wasting time.
If other people don’t agree with your life choices, that is not your problem.
Yes, we all want people to like us. But you cannot put yourself into a box to help other people feel more comfortable with their life choices. That’s not your job.
What other people think of you is none of your business. You need to focus on what you think of you!
Focus on what you feel is the next right step for you and trust yourself. When you do that, you are moving forward with your life purpose and life path. You will meet other people along the way who will get what you are trying to do. They will understand what you’re trying to create and will support you. But there will be others who will test your faith in yourself.
You need to make the best decision for you right now and understand that not everyone is going to agree with you, and that’s okay. Sure, sit back and question yourself a little but then ask yourself “Okay, what feels like the right thing for me?” then follow that and know it’s all going to work out. It probably won’t look like you think it will – life never works out the way we think it should. But it’s going to work out beautifully and in the best possible way for you.
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Are you doing a university degree that you don’t really like or staying in a job that you don’t really care about? Maybe you want to travel but you’re too afraid to go alone.
Well, this week I heard from a former work colleague who was a lot like you are now. But guess what?! He’s just decided to blow his comfort zone out of the water.
Like a lot of 20-somethings, he has a huge amount of potential but he was stuck in his comfort zone and kept waiting for someone else to join him so he could begin his adventures. Until now.
A few days ago, he sent me a PM which said:
“…You implored me to stop trying to wait for other people and just get out there regardless if they come with you or not. Well, I decided to up and go on a holiday by myself to Bali, because no one else could get time off and I wanted to go…”
Receiving this kind of message makes my day, month and year because he has chosen to bust through his comfort zone and do what he really wants without waiting for someone else. And his life and perspectives will expand exponentially because he has chosen to move past his comfort zone into the unknown.
A few days ago, a fabulous 20-something friend sent me a PM with exciting news – an international organisation had seen her commentary online about an issue she is passionate about and were interested in partnering with her. They even wanted her to write a blog for them.
My amazing friend was OVER THE MOON.
This inspirational woman is not just a great friend. She has also been a client over the past few years and we have talked many times about putting herself out there. I’ve always known she is here to create some wonderful changes in the world but she has often hesitated to share her voice and opinions.
LOTS OF 20-SOMETHINGS HIDE THEIR LIGHT because…
You think other people can say it better
You’re worried about offending people (i.e. you want everyone to like you)
Your parents/friends/family/strangers on the street won’t agree with you, “get it” or will think you’re crazy
You think you’re not good enough
You think no one really cares what you think
Et cetera, et cetera.
Does this sound like you? If so, trust me, you are not alone AT ALL. But I have to tell you something…it’s all BS!! All those stories you’ve been telling yourself about why you can’t do what you want, say what you want, be who you want and go where you want to go are NOT TRUE.
You are capable of creating a world that is more kind, more sustainable, more creative, more loving, more expansive, more everything that you believe is important BUT you will have to show your light first. You will have to put yourself out there, back yourself, take risks, be by yourself for a while, take the road less travelled, be the one dissenting voice in the crowd, be okay with people thinking you’re crazy, be okay with offending people.
If you want a different life, you must change you first. You must take your passions and channel them into things that you love, and then share them with the world so others can hear your voice. Just like my friend, you will have to feel a little bit nervous, terrified and excited all at the same time. And then you will need to begin.
Because if you hide your light, no one can see it. And the world needs to see it. Trust me.
I met a young guy today – let’s call him Mickey* – who is going for what he believes in. He is establishing a business and believes he can make a difference to people’s lives through what he does. I believe he can make a difference too.
What was interesting is, as I thought about my appointment with him (which was for a personal issue of my own), I found myself picking up information about how he could promote and market his business more effectively. This is one of the ways my psychic channel often works – I seem to be good at picking up how people are blocking themselves from achieving their next level, and then I tune into the way forward and up. Sometimes this happens without any intention from me – being psychic means I’m a bit like a giant antennae and will sometimes just pick up stuff because that’s how I roll.
Although we have a mutual friend, I had never met Mickey before today. But I could feel his energy and passion for what he is creating long before I walked into his office. So when we met in person, I shared the insights I had felt with him.
As so often happens in these situations, he had been thinking about some of the things I mentioned but had been stopping himself from following through. He also shared that others had made some suggestions but yet, still, he had not moved forward.
This made me laugh because it is exactly how the Universe works when we are preventing ourselves from shifting.
The Universe will send us the same message over and over again, via conversations, books, movies, signs, random thoughts and other ways to try and get our attention. We humans are often slow learners and don’t like the unknown so I guess the Universe knows it has to ‘stay on message’ to get through our resistance.
Mickey and I talked a little about what was getting in the way and I gave him a few new marketing ideas to think about. I hope he actions them because he has a lot to give but people won’t hear about it unless he pushes that edge of his comfort zone just a little bit more.
When I was about to leave Mickey mentioned a topic he is passionate about. He has a slightly controversial perspective and when I noted this he said, he believed it and wanted to talk about it.
I said, “Go for it”.
I believe you should take your conviction and passion, stand on it and use it to lift you up so you can share your story with the world and create the change you want to see.
I look forward to seeing how Mickey’s business grows in the future. His willingness to back himself and speak his truth will help him to forge ahead and create the difference he wants to see in the world.
I hope if you’re reading this, you take a chance on sharing your story too.
“She’s a cougar,” he said, smiling with amusement.
Davy* (not his real name) was dismissing the romantic interest of a woman at the speed dating event – she was an attractive 52-year-old.
“How old are you?” I asked. Davy looked like he might be quite close to 50 himself.
He looked surprised for a second then answered, “I’m 47.”
“But you’d go out with a woman five years younger than you, right?” I queried.
“Yeah, of course,” he said offhandedly before changing the subject.
Davy’s comments shouldn’t have surprised me but they did. I keep hoping that when it comes to gender politics, we will have evolved more. But too many men seem to be stuck in some weird dimension located around the 1950s where double-standards are still in residence and remain quite comfortable, thank you very much.
Over the past year or so, I have watched:
Tony Robbins (a supposedly evolved thought leader) disparage the #metoo movement and use his physicality to push a woman back (into her box?) at an event in front of thousands of people
legislation be passed in some southern states in the United States to control women and their reproductive choices by preventing their access to abortion (even in the cases of rape and incest!). No surprises that the legislators have frequently been white men and religious doctrine has played an influencing role.
increasing commentary on social media about how abortion shouldn’t be permitted in Australia either – once again with a lot of men and religious rhetoric leading the discussion (men + religion often doesn’t always work out so great for women’s rights)
Assistant Commissioner Luke Cornelius (following the murder of yet another woman in Melbourne this week) state, “The key point, is this is about men’s behaviour, it’s not about women’s behaviour. Every time I hear about woman being attacked – for me as a man – it gives me some pause for reflection about what it is in our community that makes men think it’s okay to attack women, or take what they want from women”.
Some public commentators subsequently bleated the same old “but not all men” statement in response to Luke’s words instead of doing some of their own reflection and saying, “Well, yeah, I can see that men are doing this and I’m a man, so I guess I have a role to play. What action can I take?”
Tanya Plibersek pull out of the Labor leadership race stating she could “not reconcile” the “important responsibilities I have to my family with the additional responsibilities of the Labor leadership” (Sydney Morning Herald, May 26, 2019) clearly indicating that perhaps Australia’s parliament isn’t the most family friendly or supportive place for women
Australia’s prime minister give a speech on International Women’s Day saying “We don’t want to see women rise only on the basis of others doing worse.” In other words, women can’t rise if it means others [men] will be displaced. Despite the fact that many women haven’t risen because they haven’t received the same advantages as men.
Let’s just say, as a woman, a feminist and someone who supports equality, these events have been disappointing to say the least. We’re not in the 1950s anymore, so why does it feel like we’re still there?
I understand these are tricky times. Men don’t always know these days what their role is. Most want to do the right thing but there is, I’m afraid, a large degree of apathy when it comes to standing up and saying to other men, “Mate, that’s not how we do things anymore. Women deserve our respect. We don’t control them. And we don’t dismiss their opinions just because they don’t align with our beliefs about how things should (and have always) been.”
There also seems to be a degree of reticence by some men to genuinely reflect on their own behaviour and consider that their ‘normal’ treatment of women is no longer acceptable (not that it ever was). Instead of being calm and less emotional (as they often tell us women to be), some men jump to angry defensiveness at the very mention that they may have a role to play in addressing the issues women are experiencing at the hands of men. It’s much easier it seems to point back to women and somehow blame them for being the problem than take a look at their own behaviour.
Some don’t like the thought that they may not hold exclusive power for much longer and are using their influence to try to retain the status quo. I think this explains the swing to the right we are seeing in the US particularly, and also in other nations globally where governments are increasingly seeking to stifle women’s voices and rights.
For example, a woman’s right to decide if she is going to use her womb to procreate is one of the few things that men cannot directly control – it is one of the few things women have exclusive power over. Yet, we are seeing moves in some places to remove our rights to this body autonomy. If we ever needed a sign that some men were very fearful – then this is a big one. Let’s not delude ourselves. If those men were really concerned about unwanted pregnancies, they would be legislating to make it unlawful for men to have sex without birth control (vasectomy anyone?) or legally ensuring they had to be 100 percent involved post-birth (both financially and in person) and provide adequate flexibility in workplaces, etc. But of course, they’re not doing that. Forcing birth control on men (which would definitely prevent abortions because their would be no accidental pregnancies in the first place) is out of the question yet forcing women to procreate against their will is acceptable, apparently. Double standards anyone?
Women are standing up and demanding more. And I won’t lie, a lot of us are angry about the way things have been going. We’re angry because things aren’t changing and, in fact, sometimes it feels like we’re going backwards.
I believe that when we work together, women, men or however you identify, we can achieve great things. But at the moment, many men are sitting on the sidelines and allowing the status quo to be maintained through their silence.
You need to get into the game gentlemen. We need you there. We want you there. We want to hear you standing beside us saying things like:
“It’s not good enough. Women deserve to have autonomy over their bodies, just like I have over my body.”
“Mate, don’t speak about women disrespectfully. No means no and she doesn’t have to stroke your ego and worry you might become abusive just because she hurt your feelings by saying no.”
“We need more flexible work arrangements so parents can work and take care of their children, so I’m going to make that company policy.”
“Being violent towards women is never acceptable and if I know that you are intimidating or being violent towards a woman, I’m going to pull you into line, report you and let you know very clearly that it’s not acceptable behaviour.”
Good men, we need you to do this because a lot of your peers don’t seem to be listening. We need your help. If you want to know what your role is nowadays, this is a big part of it. This is how you help provide for the safety and rights of the women and society you care about – you make sure women have a non-negotiable, equal voice at the table.
This is how we work in partnership to create a better world.
Is it really that easy to use our intuition every day? My answer is HECK YEAH! Using out intuition enables us to live more in alignment with our values, more connected to the things we truly desire and more able to live our Soul’s Mission. Here are my 9 EASY STEPS to help you live intuitively for a day by growing your awareness, presence and connection.
STEP 1: When you wake up in the morning (before those thoughts begin scurrying through your mind about what you ‘should’ do that day) ask yourself, “What do I need to do for myself today?” then go and do that thing. Remember, it won’t be about obligations or meeting someone else’s needs. Instead it will be about you know you intuitively need to do for you.
STEP 2: When you eat throughout the day ask yourself, “How does this food make me feel?” “Does it make me feel nourished and light?” If so, keep eating it. But if it makes you feel heavy and gluggy (yes, I did just use that word LOL!!) then choose something else to eat. By doing so you will be listening intuitively to your body and what it needs.
STEP 3: Notice how you feel when you interact with people throughout the day. Do you feel energised or drained afterwards? Intuitively tune into how their energy makes you feel.
STEP 4: How do you feel when you are in certain places e.g. on the train, the bus, the supermarket, your office, a meeting room? How does your energy respond to the environment you are in.
STEP 5: When you get an intuitive lead, follow it. An intuitive lead is when something catches your eye and for a moment you think, “That might be cool/interesting/something fun to do…” then your mind usually steps in and tells you why it’s not practical, you’re too busy, people will think you’re weird, etc. Instead of listening to your mind, follow your intuitive lead and see where it takes you. It could be the start of something amazing!
STEP 6: Connect to the earth. Find time to stand on the grass in your bare feet and just focus on your breathing for a few minutes. If you can’t go outside for some reason, then simply close your eyes and visualise yourself doing it. When we connect to the earth in this way we improve our ability to be present and able to connect into our inner voice.
STEP 7: Turn off technology 2 hours before bedtime. Our iPhones and other devices are incredibly valuable but they take our energy and focus outside ourselves and this makes it more difficult to tune into and hear our intuitive voice. Take a break from technology and do something you enjoy that brings you back into this moment.
STEP 8: Meditate. Many people resist meditation because they think they can’t do it right. But at its core, meditation is simply about being present and breathing. When we practise this regularly, we help to shut out the noise that prevents us from tuning into our inner voice.
STEP 9: Journaling is an amazing way to clear out the debris from our minds and get clear about how we really feel and what we really want (separate from everyone else’s expectations). Spend 15 minutes writing about how you felt throughout your Day of Living Intuitively. Did anything surprise you? Did you learn something new?
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