Break-ups are never easy. And for the most part, they are never truly mutual. One person always wants to move on before the other one is ready. You might smile and say, ‘Of course, it’s your decision and I understand,’ but you’ll be lying.

And most of us also really do see the break-up asteroid before it slams into our chest and splits us apart.

I’ve survived a few-breakups and there are always signs. Sometimes they’re obvious, sometimes they’re subtle, but they are always there.

The object of your affection starts to pull away ever so slightly. You’ll be half way through a sentence and suddenly he’ll be talking about a completely different subject, as if he wasn’t listening to you at all.

He won’t really ask you questions about your day or what you think. The conversation doesn’t bubble merrily…it kind of gurgles near a drain. You may wonder why he’s gone quiet but, generously, you’ll assume he’s just gone into the ‘man cave’ to think for a while, so you give him space.

Seeing you naked appears to be a little less interesting than it was previously. Hugging and just hanging out becomes the preferred option.

I used to know a break-up was approaching when they turned away from me to sleep. Everything would be fine, the sex would be great and then I would be presented with their back and they’d doze off. Such a subtle thing but it always resulted in the same outcome.

Sometimes he’ll start using the ‘too’ word. You’re too melodramatic, you’re too sexual, you’re too over the top, you’re too emotional, you’re too affectionate, you’re too…you. Don’t kid yourself ladies; when they use the ‘too’ they’re creating distance and usually identifying the nearest exits.

I remember one man knocking on the door and kissing me hello like everything was fine. But when I stood back to let him walk down the hallway I looked up at his face and, for a moment, he looked like a stranger. It was weird and perhaps just a trick of the light. But he broke up with me a couple of hours later and I think he’d already decided before he came through the door.

The reasons men give for a break-up can be extremely painful to hear and sometimes, just plain laughable (these require a whole blog post of their own).

But then you start your recovery.

I’ve used some or all of the following to help me through break-ups. Some of them are incredibly unoriginal but you may still find them useful.

1. Have a good cry while sitting on the floor. Inevitably, in times of great anguish, it seems natural to be as close to ground as possible. When ready, you can progress to sobbing in the foetal position on your bed and later, sobbing while sitting on the couch watching girlie DVDs.
2. Spoon a large amount of chocolate ice-cream plus chocolate sauce and cream (if you have it) into an extremely large bowl (feel free to use the ice-cream container as your bowl); put Bridget Jones’ Diaryinto the DVD player and ensure tissues are nearby.Follow this with DVDs such as Bridget Jones: Age of Reason, any romantic comedy featuring Meg Ryan, Dirty Dancing and the BBC version of Pride and Prejudice.
   
   Repeat Step 2 as required.
3. Try to leave the house occasionally and exercise. It is harder to feel depressed when you’re in the sunlight. However, seeing couples holding hands and stepping in unison can push your recovery back a little. Fill your pockets with tissues, just in case.
4. Listen to empowering songs. My current favourites are Wide Awake (Katy Perry) and Undefeated (Jake Dorulla). If you’re feeling really dark (and perhaps a little angry) basically anything from Jagged Little Pill (Alanis Morissette) works well.
5. Make a list of the all the things that annoyed you about X (insert his name here). You’ll be surprised how many you can come up with.This is a great exercise because it forces you to acknowledge there were things you didn’t like. No one is perfect. He definitely isn’t perfect. DO NOT send him the list.
6. Write X a letter telling him how you feel but DO NOT SEND IT TO HIM. Shred the letter, burn it or flush it down the toilet.You may need to write this letter several times.
7. Try to ignore that little spark of hope in your heart. You know what I mean. It’s the naïve hope that he will realise what a stupid, stupid decision he’s made and will rush back through your door any moment, sweep you into his arms and it will all work out.
8. Don’t be the ‘nice’ girl and say, ‘Sure I can stay in touch and be just friends,’ because YOU CAN’T! You’re not impartial, even if he is.He has basically stabbed you in the heart and you need recovery time. Think of it as if you’ve just had heart surgery…no one would expect you to run a marathon two days later.You may be ‘just friends’ later but you can’t do it right now. Besides he’ll find it hard to be friends with someone who wants to alternately kiss him, rip his clothes off and/or punch him in the nose. You will want to do all those things.
9. Hang out with your wonderful girlfriends. They will give you hugs, listen to your break up story (repeatedly), tell you how fabulous you are and say that he is not worth your tears because he walked away.
10. You may have thought X was wonderful, but he left.Maybe it was a timing thing or maybe there is someone far more fabulous around the corner. Trust that fate has better plans for you.Look forward, not behind you. You will be okay. Eventually.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going back to my couch to repeat Step 2.

Break-ups really do suck.