My first book will be out very soon. Yes, the book I’ve been trying to give birth to for the past four years is finally ready to be born. It’s been a long journey.
Its imminent arrival has got me thinking about the risk I’m taking in putting it out into the world. You see, The Men I’ve Almost Dated is a profoundly personal expose of life in my 30s. It covers everything from my divorce to sex and the men I’ve dated through to the many lessons I learned throughout the whole process.
When I read the manuscript now some of my stories seem hilarious as they cover the crazy things I did and the often bizarre behaviour of people I knew during that time. Sometimes the stories are a little sad because they outline how much I was hurt by other people or when I simply made naïve decisions that hurt me.
I am taking a personal risk in putting this book out into the world because with every creative endeavour there is also the very really chance of judgement. Actually, it’s more than a chance, it’s a reality. People are going to judge me based on my book. They’re going to judge the writing, the stories I tell, and my behaviour.
I will in many ways be laying myself on the line and yet I feel compelled to do so. I guess it’s just taken a few years to finally reach the point where I can’t hold back anymore.
I’ve been reflecting about the other times I’ve taken big risks in my life. Well, risks that seemed huge to me at the time while to someone else they might have seemed minuscule. I suppose my first big risk as an adult was in my late 20s. I was in a full-time job where I loved the work but the culture of the place was killing me slowly but surely. I was becoming increasingly negative, incredibly unhappy and more and more uptight as the days passed. One day I simply resigned. As someone who’d always been very security-conscious that action was a big deal for me. I didn’t have another job to go to and I had bills to pay. But I still did it.
That one risk was scary but it opened so many doors. After about six weeks without work, I picked up a contract in government and would go on to do some amazing roles and work with some incredibly talented people. That one risk led to so many opportunities and awesome experiences.
My next big risk was deciding to leave my husband. By now I was in my early 30s and we’d been together for 15 years. But after 2.5 years of drastic soul-searching and many tears, I left. I decided to take the huge risk of standing on my own because I couldn’t stay where I was any longer.
That one decision opened a whole new world to me that I didn’t know existed. It also led me to discover so many things about myself that would expand me in directions I didn’t know was possible.
So here I am at another turning point. It’s about 10 years since I left my husband and The Men I’ve Almost Dated chronicles the lead up to the leaving, and all that’s followed. Like I said, it’s a very personal story and people may hate it. Some may love it, while others simply won’t care. I could become just another self-published author who disappears into obscurity. All of this is possible.
But regardless of what happens when my book hits online shelves, I’m sure of one thing. My risk in putting this book out will open doors that I can’t even see right now. And it’s going to lead to a new range of experiences that I haven’t dreamed of yet.
So here’s to my next big risk. And may you find the courage within you, to take yours.