Have you ever found yourself saying ‘no’ out of habit?

In what feels like another lifetime ago, I was married to Daniel*. And, in the years after the marriage ended I realised he and I had developed a habit of saying no to what the other person wanted, just because…

Daniel wanted a dog. I said, “No, they’re too much hassle.”

But I’ve always loved dogs.

I said, “I want to plan an overseas holiday”. Daniel said, “I don’t need a holiday”.

But everyone loves holidays and he always enjoyed our trips away together.

We were stuck in what I call ‘a culture of no’ because neither of us were getting what we really wanted. So we just saying no all the time.

I wanted to travel and thought a dog was just another way to keep us stuck at home.

Daniel wanted to finish renovating our house, buy an investment property and plan for a secure financial future. So, the thought of spending all that money on a holiday elicited a big ‘no’ from him.

By the time we got to counseling and started talking about ways we could both get what we wanted, too much damage had been done and it was too late.

The culture of no had become a fixed and rather destructive pattern in our lives.

And it was the symptom of two people who were going in different directions and wanting different things.

We can get stuck in a culture of no in many areas of our lives.

We will say no to amazing and exciting opportunities just because we’re comfortable with how things are now (thank you very much!).

When we’ve done the same thing for years and someone suggests a different approach, we will reject it out of hand (even if it is less complex and will free up time for other things).

And we conveniently forget what was perfect for us six months or six years ago, might not be perfect for us now. After all, everyone changes with the passage of time and yes, we are actually on this planet to learn and grow as human beings. But saying no out of habit stops us learning and growing.

And this culture of no means we miss out on some really great stuff.

We miss out on transforming ourselves into someone even more fabulous.

So the next time you find yourself saying no, stop and ask yourself why you’re doing it. Ask yourself if you’re stuck in a culture of no in your relationships with your partner, your parents, your friends or even with yourself.

You might be surprised to discover all the wonderful things you’ve been blocking out of your life just because you’re used to saying no.