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images-25Do you ever feel like you’re up against it and it doesn’t matter which route you choose, you’re going to hit a dead end?

I’ve been feeling a bit like that for a week or two – kind of like a motorised toy car in a box that drives into a wall, then flips over, rights itself and before rolling into another one.

It all came to a head on Monday night while I was driving home. Quite frankly, I was at the stage where I didn’t know whether to cry or scream. I was stressed out and not happy.

When I was about three minutes from home, I stopped and thought, “Hang on, this isn’t the life I want. This isn’t the life I chose.”

“I’m not doing this.”

And I decided to choose a different way.

I’d been taking on a lot of other people’s issues and making them my own. It’s an old habit I thought I’d kicked.

Well, I decided to kick it again.

I’d started worrying about whether people would like me or not – a fruitless exercise as you can’t control what other people think.

Kick that to the curb too.

I’d been replicating a lot of bad habits from my past. Habits generated through stress, and a lack of balance and self-care.

I knew I didn’t want to go back to that way of life again.

Later that night I sat down and meditated. It’s something that always helps to calm me.

The next day I started to focus on my self-care again. I started trying to eat properly instead of consuming my emotions by consuming a whole of lot junk food.

I’ve started exercising and have been standing in the sun every day so I can feel its rays on my face.

It’s only been three days but I already feel better. I can feel my perspective returning. The stress is still coiled in my stomach but it’s now a sleepy carpet snake, not a viper waiting to strike.

On Monday I was gifted with the insight to know I was going backwards to a life I no longer want or need.

And I am thankful that I can now make different choices.

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