Do you ever feel like you’re up against it and it doesn’t matter which route you choose, you’re going to hit a dead end?
I’ve been feeling a bit like that for a week or two – kind of like a motorised toy car in a box that drives into a wall, then flips over, rights itself and before rolling into another one.
It all came to a head on Monday night while I was driving home. Quite frankly, I was at the stage where I didn’t know whether to cry or scream. I was stressed out and not happy.
When I was about three minutes from home, I stopped and thought, “Hang on, this isn’t the life I want. This isn’t the life I chose.”
“I’m not doing this.”
And I decided to choose a different way.
I’d been taking on a lot of other people’s issues and making them my own. It’s an old habit I thought I’d kicked.
Well, I decided to kick it again.
I’d started worrying about whether people would like me or not – a fruitless exercise as you can’t control what other people think.
Kick that to the curb too.
I’d been replicating a lot of bad habits from my past. Habits generated through stress, and a lack of balance and self-care.
I knew I didn’t want to go back to that way of life again.
Later that night I sat down and meditated. It’s something that always helps to calm me.
The next day I started to focus on my self-care again. I started trying to eat properly instead of consuming my emotions by consuming a whole of lot junk food.
I’ve started exercising and have been standing in the sun every day so I can feel its rays on my face.
It’s only been three days but I already feel better. I can feel my perspective returning. The stress is still coiled in my stomach but it’s now a sleepy carpet snake, not a viper waiting to strike.
On Monday I was gifted with the insight to know I was going backwards to a life I no longer want or need.
And I am thankful that I can now make different choices.
Keep forging forward Lucy.
I shall Crescent Moon, I shall 🙂
no ones perfect but glad to hear that you are on the right road again xx
Life is a process Rosa de Vere. Sometimes we just need a reminder that we’re going backwards, so we can decide to go forwards again. x