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When Love Goes Kaput

When Love Goes Kaput

A lot of us have been struggling with love and matters of the heart over the last few days. I’ve had so many conversations with friends about loving the wrong people, putting yourself out there and being rejected, trying to work out how you feel and then how the other person feels, losing your cool, saying the wrong thing, feeling disappointed then happy within minutes, and so on. It’s been a veritable emotion-filled quagmire with many of us trying to lift one foot out of the mud one excruciating step at a time, only to take another step and get sucked back in again.

There’s probably a very good reason astrologically why this is all happening now (astrology friends feel free to leave your thoughts in the comments below) but that’s not my area of expertise.

However, as someone with a PhD in Heartbreak, I can say that I am very experienced in matters of the heart, and the joys and devastation of loving people who don’t quite fit, run away, are too scared to tell you how they feel or are just wrong (even when you think they’re right!). I can’t say my experience has necessarily made me any more successful at navigating romantic relationships – heck, I’m currently residing in Italy, the most romantic country in the world and I’m single so you do the math! But I have learned some things over the years:

  • Falling for someone never happens as you expect it will and your feelings will invariably take you by surprise.
  • They will rarely match the template you have created in your head for the perfect partner. Often they will look like the exact opposite of what you thought you wanted.
  • You can meet them in the most unexpected places and sometimes your attraction to them will hit you immediately, right in the middle of your chest. Other times it will grow silently before one day rearing its head up like an asp at midnight, striking you in the middle of your chest and.. and… oh sorry, I just had a flashback, please disregard.  
  • Sometimes they will be older or younger than your mind thinks they should be.  When this happens, remember it is the person that you are loving not the date on their birth certificate. Obviously, they need to be above the age of consent. Also consider that the years between you also equal life experience and that can sometimes cause issues.
  • Sometimes you will take a chance but they will not love you back. You will keep hoping but they won’t change their mind and you will feel terribly hurt. You may even lose their friendship when this happens.
  • You can’t make someone love you back – that is an impossible request of anyone because love cannot be forced or manipulated into being. It just is, or it isn’t.
  • If someone doesn’t love you back then they don’t deserve you. Full stop. No returns on this one. Don’t keep throwing yourself at them hoping that, one day, they will finally see the magical amazingness that is you. If they can’t see it, then it’s not your job to help them open their eyes.
  • When you fall for the wrong person and they treat you appallingly, it is vital that you learn from the experience so you don’t repeat it!!! Too many of us go back to the same type of guy (or girl) over and over again and wonder why we get the same results. If you see there is a pattern, change it so you can get a different result. If you can’t see the pattern, ask an honest friend or an impartial counselor for their input.

Bottom line, most of us will at some stage have our heart broken. But you will survive it, I promise. You will go on to love someone else and maybe, just maybe, if the planets align and you hold your head in exactly the right position when you wish on that next shooting star, they will love you back too.

Until then, be kind to you and love yourself. That’s the least you can do and is completely what you deserve.

Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Go to the edge of your comfort zone, cross the border, then keep going

Go to the edge of your comfort zone, cross the border, then keep going

Are you doing a university degree that you don’t really like or staying in a job that you don’t really care about? Maybe you want to travel but you’re too afraid to go alone.

Well, this week I heard from a former work colleague who was a lot like you are now. But guess what?! He’s just decided to blow his comfort zone out of the water.

Like a lot of 20-somethings, he has a huge amount of potential but he was stuck in his comfort zone and kept waiting for someone else to join him so he could begin his adventures. Until now.

A few days ago, he sent me a PM which said:


“…You implored me to stop trying to wait for other people and just get out there regardless if they come with you or not. Well, I decided to up and go on a holiday by myself to Bali, because no one else could get time off and I wanted to go…”

Receiving this kind of message makes my day, month and year because he has chosen to bust through his comfort zone and do what he really wants without waiting for someone else. And his life and perspectives will expand exponentially because he has chosen to move past his comfort zone into the unknown.

I meet so many people who are waiting for approval or someone to join them before they make the change they want in their life. But the honest truth is, that may never happen. And that will be a wasted life because one day you will be 95 years old, sitting in a rocking chair with false teeth and barely any hair, and you will be thinking, F@CK why didn’t I go for what I wanted instead of what was comfortable? Now it’s too late.

Stop waiting.

Photo by Road Trip with Raj on Unsplash

If You Hide Your Light, No One Can See It

If You Hide Your Light, No One Can See It

A few days ago, a fabulous 20-something friend sent me a PM with exciting news – an international organisation had seen her commentary online about an issue she is passionate about and were interested in partnering with her. They even wanted her to write a blog for them.

My amazing friend was OVER THE MOON.

This inspirational woman is not just a great friend. She has also been a client over the past few years and we have talked many times about putting herself out there. I’ve always known she is here to create some wonderful changes in the world but she has often hesitated to share her voice and opinions.

Until now.

LOTS OF 20-SOMETHINGS HIDE THEIR LIGHT because…

  • You think other people can say it better
  • You’re worried about offending people (i.e. you want everyone to like you)
  • Your parents/friends/family/strangers on the street won’t agree with you, “get it” or will think you’re crazy
  • You think you’re not good enough
  • You think no one really cares what you think
  • Et cetera, et cetera.

Does this sound like you? If so, trust me, you are not alone AT ALL. But I have to tell you something…it’s all BS!! All those stories you’ve been telling yourself about why you can’t do what you want, say what you want, be who you want and go where you want to go are NOT TRUE.

You are capable of creating a world that is more kind, more sustainable, more creative, more loving, more expansive, more everything that you believe is important BUT you will have to show your light first. You will have to put yourself out there, back yourself, take risks, be by yourself for a while, take the road less travelled, be the one dissenting voice in the crowd, be okay with people thinking you’re crazy, be okay with offending people.

If you want a different life, you must change you first. You must take your passions and channel them into things that you love, and then share them with the world so others can hear your voice. Just like my friend, you will have to feel a little bit nervous, terrified and excited all at the same time. And then you will need to begin.

Because if you hide your light, no one can see it. And the world needs to see it. Trust me.