Bad Habits

Bad HabitsIf I said it will be okay
Would you believe my smiling eyes
Or would you sigh and turn away
Thinking only of the crime
That life has left you responsible for
Your life in seeming tatters
Yet I’m telling you it’s really just fine
Can’t I see what really matters?

Your lover has left
The bank keeps calling
You’re avoiding all of your calls
Your mother’s concerned
Your friends hear your wailing
There’s no break that you can score.

And yet here I am now
Standing right here
I’m telling you it will be fine
Get away from me, you yell
You demented freak
Can’t you see that you’re out of line!

My life is a mess
My life is a mess
The words repeat in your head
But if you looked up
You’d see a glimmer ahead
A reason to get out of bed.

Yet the words they repeat
On and on
Fate tosses you this way and that
But if you look ahead
Instead of always back
You can get yourself on track.

You’re straining so hard with your body it seems
To move oh so fast forward
But your head keeps on turning
And looking backwards
Your heart is constantly turning.

Stop looking back
It’s doing no good
It won’t help you
Where you are going
Although it is hard
Lord, I know that
To proceed without any real knowing
But trust me there is more, waiting ahead
You just need to keep on going.

It will be alright
Things will change
You can make a difference I promise
But you can’t stay where you are now for sure
Can I even help you move on from it
Off this point where the darkness consumes
The breath and hope from your soul

It will be alright
Just keeping moving ahead
Don’t look back anymore
Don’t focus on the shadows
They’re behind you now
There’s a road up ahead to explore.

A future awaits you
It’s better than this
This place where you now inhabit
I promise you truly
Just look up ahead
It’s time to break that bad habit.

Do you have ‘lunatic self-belief’?

Courtesy www.designzzz.com

Courtesy www.designzzz.com

Last night I watched Kevin McLeod talk about his experiences filming Grand Designs over the past 15 years.

I’ve been a fan of Kevin’s for a while now. I love his blokey sense of humour  and the way he explores the desires, triumphs and disasters of home-owners with compassion and a healthy dash of realism.

He’s also a talented wordsmith and during last night’s performance he coined a phrase I hadn’t heard before. He said true Grand Designers have ‘lunatic self-belief’ because they believe so wholeheartedly in their dreams that they will move heaven and earth (often with their bare hands) to make it a reality.

Lunatic self-belief.

I guess that’s a phrase that could be applied to many of the men and women who have made their marks on the pages of history.

Men and women like Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, Amelia Earhart, Martin Luther King, Coco Chanel, Jane Austen and Marie Curie were all ordinary people who had the ‘lunatic self-belief’ that they could change their world.

These days we have modern-day ‘lunatics’ like Richard Branson who wants to change the world by running his entire airfleet using only fuel with a zero carbon footprint. Is he aiming high? Absolutely.

Is it possible?

Well, if anyone can make it happen, he can. Branson is willing to do the three things we must commit to in order to make our dreams a reality. He’s willing to invest in his vision, to look foolish and to try.

Some people think Branson is a little on the crazy side. But to many others he is an inspiration because he’s willing to follow his heart and make a difference.

We may not all be destined to change the world by standing up for freedom, inventing cures for cancer or writing a bestseller. But we can hold on to that ‘lunatic self-belief’ and maybe, by following our dreams, we can change the world just outside our front door and make it a better place.

If Branson can do it, why can’t we?

Anything is possible.

Romantic Optimism

I had coffee with an old school friend today. We hadn’t seen each other for almost two decades but Anna* still looked the same. She looked great.

We talked about what we’d been doing, our work, our families and everything in between.

And of course, we talked about the men we have cared about, married, lived with and loved.

I was a bridesmaid at Anna’s first wedding. We were both in our early twenties and it seems like another lifetime ago.

Anna has married twice more since that day. And each time she married a man who treated her badly and betrayed her trust. She deserved better.

A lot of people might have given up after her experiences. They would declare they hate men and feel nothing but anger and resentment towards them.

But not Anna.

Anna is a romantic optimist. After each experience she has dusted herself off, somehow got through the pain, and then moved on to look for, and often find, love with someone else. She hasn’t given up on finding a man who will treat her well and love her.

But as 40 rapidly approaches and with some bitter experiences in her past, Anna has a good idea about what she wants in her future . She also has a good idea about the kind of man she wants to be with.

Anna and I might be attracted to different physical attributes and interests when it comes to men but we are looking for some of the same qualities.

We both want a man who loves us as we are. He must be someone who would never ask us to compromise on our beliefs or our personal goals.

And, most importantly, we want a man who has his sh!it together. That means they must know who they are, what they want and where they’re going. If they’re insecure, confused, drinking too much, taking drugs, flaky, or still entangled with an ex, they’re no good to us. Yet.

Unfortunately, it’s the ‘yet’ where we come unstuck.

Anna and I (and I’m sure almost every other single woman), have at least once hung on and hoped that if that one man we cared about (let’s call him a generic Anthony*) could just get it together, then we would be deliriously happy.

So we’ve waited. And waited. And then sometimes waited some more. After all, being a romantic optimist means you sometimes have to play the ‘long game’.

We’ve even deluded ourselves sometimes and said that we’re not really waiting at all. But we are. We’re not taking any other man seriously because we really believe that Anthony will get it together; because we want him to; because we believe he can; and because we care. We care way too much.

Sometimes our wait is rewarded and Anthony gets it together. He calls up and says, ‘Hey, I miss you. I’ve got it together now. I know what I want. Will you give me a chance to show you?’

But usually he doesn’t get it together. And he doesn’t call. Or he just goes off and gets it together with someone else.

And then we feel really stupid. And hurt. And the romantic optimist in us dies just a little.

But we always get up again. We never really give up hope. We are optimists after all.

I still believe Anna and I and all the other romantic optimists out there will meet the right man for each of us. And yes, he really will have his sh!it together.

In the meantime, our search continues.

* All names have been changed to protect the innocent, and not so innocent.

When love leaves

I saw a movie tonight that had me in tears when the lights came up.

Like Crazy (stop reading now if you plan on seeing it) is about two people who meet at college and fall in love. It’s love in its purist sense. A love that finds them totally happy and comfortable in each others company.

But they are from different countries and soon visas and rules separate them. The distance conspires against them but their love keeps pulling them back together. They are thousands of miles apart but they cannot forget each other or the love they feel. It is something palpable, real and never from their minds no matter where they are or who they are with.

They marry to be together but bureaucracy soon tears them apart again.  It seems hopeless.

One day, after years of struggle and distance and disappointment, the roadblocks are suddenly cleared and they can be together.

But now it’s too late. They stand in each others arms and the feeling has gone. That beautiful love they shared has disappeared like a piece of sunlight suddenly blocked out by a curtain. All that’s left are the memories of what it once was.

And then the lights came up and I cried.

I cried because I’ve been there and I’m sure many of you have too. I’ve been there in that moment when beautiful love disappears leaving you with nothing but a picture reel of memories.

In that moment you know it doesn’t matter how much you want that feeling back, it’s gone forever. Even now, the desolation I felt at that moment is indescribable. I cannot put it into words.

One girl who saw the movie with me said jokingly, ‘Does that mean we shouldn’t even bother to fall in love because it won’t last anyway?’

She is in a new relationship and very happy so I’m guessing she still believes in love.

But do I believe? Do I still believe in a love that lasts forever, a love that will overcome any obstacle in its path?

I don’t know. Perhaps I don’t believe but I do hope. Is that a contradiction?

I live with the hope of love.

Perhaps that is the true beauty of the human spirit. We will continue on and hope for a new day and a different outcome.

We are optimistic when rational thought tells us that we are mad. We will search sometimes for something that everyone tells us we cannot possibly find. But we will search anyway.

I guess love is the ultimate hopeful search. The ultimate quest. The ultimate treasure hunt.

Some of us will find it for a little while. Some of will find it and it will last forever.

No, I haven’t given up hope.

If you have found love, make sure you enjoy every beautiful and breathtaking moment it brings you.

For everyone else, just keep hoping. You could get lucky.