by Lucky Lucy | Jul 29, 2015 | Advice, control, create your life, let go |
Have you ever noticed that when something isn’t going your way, you want to control it even more? You want something to happen and you want it really badly but it’s stopped down the track and it’s not moving. You can see it in the distance; it’s oh so close. But it’s not getting closer.
If you’re anything like me (and I know some of you are) this can occasionally bring on a ‘control meltdown’. This is the moment when you’ll feel like if other people would just get their act together then it would all work out. It will be the moment when you want to get in there and ‘sort the situation out’. It will be the time when you will feel determined to drag that thing towards you inch by painful inch until it’s where it’s supposed to be. You’ll feel stressed, anxious or even angry because you’ll want to control that situation and ‘make it happen.’
Sigh. I feel exhausted just thinking about it.
Things rarely work well if we try to control them. Life just isn’t like that. Instead it’s an organic thing that grows best with a little love and a lot less control. That’s just the way it is.
So much of what we’re taught is about control. For example, if I do X and Y then this will result and I will be able to create this outcome. But what if you’ve followed this formula and the outcome hasn’t eventuated? What then? Have you stuffed up the formula? Did you do it wrong? Is there something wrong with you or are ‘they’ to blame? Should you be doing more? Can you force it?
The questions will buzz around your head like flies and drive you crazy if you let them.
The truth is, all we can ever control is what we do in this moment. So my advice is (and trust me, I’m still working on this myself), if it’s not working and you believe you’ve done everything you can, then let it go. Allow it to eventuate or not. You can’t control the outcome and you certainly can’t control what other people are going to do. And you can’t force something to happen if it’s not supposed to.
Let it go and know all is as it should be. Often that’s when the thing you want will slide effortlessly into place and later you’ll wonder why you ever worried about it at all.
by Lucky Lucy | May 24, 2015 | Fear, Life, self development, self discovery, Sense of self |
Yesterday I was dwelling on something I really want and trying to work out how it could come to pass. How? How could this think I really want ever happen when it seems impossible right now?
My mind tore at the problem this way and that. How?
Now, my inner guidance has shown me repeatedly that this thing will come to pass and it’s all about timing. I just need to live my purpose and all will be fine. But still my mind won’t let it go. So I torment myself. It’s not much fun.
But yesterday morning something new happened. A voice inside me said, ‘Commit. Commit to it.’
‘Commit. Commit. Commit.’
The word reverberated through every part of me and drowned out every other thought and doubt.
‘Commit. Commit to what you want. Commit to it.’
The voice was insistent and I finally decided to listen.
This thought in my head, this thing I desire to have in my life, needed a commitment.
So I committed. I acknowledged that I am committed to that thing happening in my life. I acknowledged that I cannot understand the ‘how’ and that much of it is out of my control. But I committed to it anyway.
It was time for me to step up and out of my doubt. It was time to believe and commit. So I have. And I feel so much better for it.
If you desire something with your whole heart, it’s not enough to think about it as something that’s in the distance; something that’s never going to be real. You have to commit to it happening.
You may have no idea how your dream could ever become a reality. But if you don’t commit to it, it will never be a reality.
Commitment to your dream is one of the first steps towards manifesting that beautiful thing in your life. So commit to it. And then wait for the Universe to show you the next step. Because there will be other steps. And they will involve believing it’s possible, knowing that you deserve that thing you desire and a whole lot of other things. But the first step, is definitely committing to it.
So commit. Be courageous and commit.
by Lucky Lucy | Mar 11, 2015 | cringe, Fear, Inspiration, memoir, Writing |
My editor rang yesterday and I cringed when I saw her number appear on my iPhone.
It wasn’t because Kristy is a horrible person – she is in fact, completely awesome. But I knew she’d ask about my editing and I would have to tell the truth…that I had barely started.
If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you’ll know I’ve been working on a memoir for a few years now. I’m currently in the home stretch – I just need to finish editing and then publish it. All the words are there. They just need (as Kristy puts it) ‘a little tweaking’.
But I’ve been stuck for a couple of months.
I could give you a few reasonably valid reasons for my inertia during this time. For example, there’s my recovery from a break-up and another writing project I started just before New Years that now sits at 43,000 words and counting. I could tell you that my spiritual work has been increasing every day. Or I could say that a myriad of other ‘life’ things and work commitments have just got in the way and kept me busy.
All of these things would be true. But they don’t touch on the three real reasons on why I haven’t finished my first book.
I’ve been hiding from the editing because, being a memoir, some of the content is still a little sensitive and I have to be brave and look at myself honestly when I revisit it. I have to be willing to truly face and accept my demons when I re-read my words.
Secondly, I worry that my words will never be good enough and it will be criticised as self-indulgent claptrap. I know this fear is not unique to me, every author has it at some point. Nevertheless, it sits between me and the finish line.
Thirdly (and this is the big one), I’m not great at self-accountability. I can meet deadlines brilliantly for other people but my personal ones often go swishing past with no actual delivery. Is it about putting other people first? Partly. Is it about not having enough faith in myself to actually finish? Most definitely.
Sometimes I’m just brilliant at getting in my own way.
Yesterday I decided to try a different approach and get some support to get things done!
As Kristy, by her own confession, suffers from similar personal roadblocks, we decided to make an Accountability Pact. We each decided on two goals we were going to reach this month and committed to achieving them. We will meet at the end of March, in person, and if we haven’t achieved our goals we’ll have to explain why. I’ve even suggested that if this doesn’t work, we could implement consequences for failing to deliver in future months.
It’s only day two but so far we’re both off to a great start and have been sharing our achievements. And, if all goes well, I will have my book edited by the end of the month.
The Accountability Pact isn’t only about achieving goals. It’s about having someone out there who will cheer you on and help you celebrate when you reach a milestone. Even more importantly, it’s about someone helping you to get out of your own way.
by Lucky Lucy | Sep 14, 2014 | Advice, Emotional, Fear, Inspiration, Life, Personal power, Self esteem |
A few years ago I had the great honour of working with a kind and generous mentor. He was a Justice of the Supreme Court and I was fortunate enough to seek and receive his guidance on some projects I was working on.
I was an anxious over-achiever who, like most perfectionists, wanted to do everything fabulously well and do it all NOW. Of course, all I did was become a nervous wreck. I felt like I was always running behind and never did anything as well as I should. I’d been given a lot of responsibility in the role and was also worried about making bad decisions and letting people down.
One day this kind Judge went a little off-topic in one of our project meetings. I guess my anxiety was obvious and he’d decided to take me under his wing.
“Everything is fixable,” he said. “If you make the wrong decision there will usually be a way to retrieve the situation.
“And you can’t do everything. Think of it like a large canvas – you can’t paint it all at once.
“So start in one corner and work your way towards the middle.”
His words had a powerful effect and I left his office feeling supported and more confident in my ability to deliver what was required.
That kind man’s words helped me to understand that I can only ever do my best. It’s impossible for me to do otherwise.
And if I make the wrong decision, “It’s always fixable.”
Even now, it seems like pretty good advice to me.
Have you ever noticed that when something isn’t going your way, you want to control it even more? You want something to happen and you want it really badly but it’s stopped down the track and it’s not moving. You can see it in the distance; it’s oh so close. But it’s not getting closer.
