I was discussing trends with my classes today and it got me thinking about the trends in my own life; specifically the trends in my dating life.
Unfortunately this trends analysis led me to some alarming conclusions.
Drawn from my single-life experiences over the past seven years, these trends show I do not possess the qualities that men find appealing.
My evidence indicates that men do not want a woman who:
- can support herself financially and isn’t after their money
- is honest and says what she thinks
- shows that she has emotions and will talk about how she feels
- likes having sex
- is affectionate
- is reasonably attractive and presentable
- looks after herself by exercising etc.
- is intelligent
- has her own interests and is happy for a man to have his own as well
- isn’t co-dependent
- is well-travelled
- is articulate
- is educated
- has a sense of humour
- etc.
- etc.
So. What are my conclusions? Well firstly, this analysis has clearly explained why I am still single. Secondly, it seems to indicate that to be more appealing to a man I should do the opposite of what I’ve been doing so far.
This means I should:
- go on unemployment benefits and look for a Sugar Daddy or millionaire to support me and/or ask men to submit to a financial audit before dating them
- play head games, mess men around and generally not show who I really am
- have zero reaction to any emotional situation (robotic-like would be a good goal here)
- hold out for several months before having sex with a man and pretend not to like it when I finally ‘give in’. (Clearly any enthusiasm in this area is a no, no. I know the man who once told me to, ‘Just lie there and let me…you’ would think this is appropriate.).
- play the role of ice queen wherever possible. Behaving like touching a man is the equivalent of touching radioactive waste is probably a suitable approach.
- stop showering every day, refuse regular haircuts, abandon all hair removal activities and make ratty tracksuits my daily attire
- abandon any and all exercise activities
- act stupid, have no opinions and stick to safe subjects like the weather
- text my partner every five seconds when we’re apart, throw a tantrum when he wants to hang out with his mates and insist on accompanying him to ‘boys nights’ at the local pub before dragging him home early to a night of no sex
- stop getting stamps in my passport
- stop talking
- pretend I can’t spell
- stop laughing at the ridiculousness of life
- etc.
- etc.
Mmm. What a shame I can’t do any of those things.
I guess I’ll just have to stay single.
Ha!
Dear Lucky,
I have some good news and bad news for you.
Bad news #1 : You have committed a gross over-generalisation. When you say “Men”, what you mean is “all the men I have met”. A sample size of one (you) or even tens (them) is hardly a representative sample. Your theory is disproven by just one example, and as I am just one, then I expect there will be many others. This is the good news.
You are clearly meeting the wrong sort of man, regularly and repeatedly. How do you do this?
If you want to meet men like me, who like ALL the things in your top list, go to the places I go, and do the things I do:
– Professional workplaces, where there is a culture of respect
– City gyms
– Rowing clubs
– Council Libraries
– Racetracks
– Beer gardens (not front bars)
– Wine tasting clubs
– BBQs with friends
Good luck. Don’t lose faith – we’re out there.
(and now for the end of the shit sandwich – the other bad news is that I’m married, and most men like me were snapped up years ago.)
So maybe your statement should not be “Men don’t like…” but “Single men don’t like…”
🙁
Thank you for your wise words JC…your advice has been noted.
And yes, I do have a talent for meeting the wrong men regularly and repeatedly. We all have strengths and I guess that’s one of mine (rather tragic but true).
Thanks Lucy. You raise a lot of issues in your post, but your headline suggests one is on your mind (or at least will guarantee you more readers…)
To take that issue for the moment, it’s a shame if that has been your experience of men. For some men, the largest part of the enjoyment of sex is knowing the woman wants it too and seeing her enjoying herself, including giving her pleasure. For some men (so I’ve heard 😉 ) her active participation in the deed, as well as enjoying it every bit as much as him, is the height of it. After all, sex should be about both people bringing pleasure to each other, as much as other things. Some men may even be disappointed by unresponsive women in bed.
I’m not saying this is the case for many men, but it’s a shame that you’ve not come across one (as it were).
I think I might leave it there. Good luck!
Thanks for your comments Tom. I’m always interested in hearing what and how men think. My list of qualities was no doubt one of generalisations (as my friend JC pointed out) and perhaps I was feeling a little bitter when I wrote it. Not every man I’ve dated has exhibited every one of those qualities…but some have. And there definitely appears to be some repeating themes.
Reading this post Lucy has been quite interesting not only because of your words and thoughts but those of others.
Could I put these other thoughts out there? (I note for the record it is also based on a sample size of 2 – me and my sister) When my sister was divorced after her first marriage she decided what were the really important things that she could not compromise on with a partner and in time she met a guy who ticks all those boxes. (at work for the record) I on the other hand have never divorced and I wonder if the courage it takes to change your life that way makes you less inclined to put up with things?
Thanks for your thought-provoking comments Lady de Vere. I am unwilling to accept less than I deserve, that is true. But I don’t think any woman (or man for that matter) should ever accept second best. Compromising on some things is of course necessary in any relationship. But compromising on the very important things…your values, who you are and the core things that will make you happy…will only ever lead to unhappiness, resentment and the slow withering of your soul.
I see what you are saying and I am thinking about applying it 🙂
Biggest load of crap I have ever read!
Thank you for your comment Phil. Perhaps there are other blogs that would be more suited to your taste and interests.
You miss the point which is hardly surprising given your original post.
Your comments appear a little angry Phil, but perhaps I am misunderstanding your tone. If you have something constructive to say, that does not attack someone personally, then I’d love to read them. Otherwise I think we may have to leave it for now.