I was discussing trends with my classes today and it got me thinking about the trends in my own life; specifically the trends in my dating life.

Unfortunately this trends analysis led me to some alarming conclusions.

Drawn from my single-life experiences over the past seven years, these trends show I do not possess the qualities that men find appealing.

My evidence indicates that men do not want a woman who:

  • can support herself financially and isn’t after their money
  • is honest and says what she thinks
  • shows that she has emotions and will talk about how she feels
  • likes having sex
  • is affectionate
  • is reasonably attractive and presentable
  • looks after herself by exercising etc.
  • is intelligent
  • has her own interests and is happy for a man to have his own as well
  • isn’t co-dependent
  • is well-travelled
  • is articulate
  • is educated
  • has a sense of humour
  • etc.
  • etc.

So. What are my conclusions? Well firstly, this analysis has clearly explained why I am still single. Secondly, it seems to indicate that to be more appealing to a man I should do the opposite of what I’ve been doing so far.

This means I should:

  • go on unemployment benefits and look for a Sugar Daddy or millionaire to support me and/or ask men to submit to a financial audit before dating them
  • play head games, mess men around and generally not show who I really am
  • have zero reaction to any emotional situation (robotic-like would be a good goal here)
  • hold out for several months before having sex with a man and pretend not to like it when I finally ‘give in’. (Clearly any enthusiasm in this area is a no, no. I know the man who once told me to, ‘Just lie there and let me…you’ would think this is appropriate.).
  • play the role of ice queen wherever possible. Behaving like touching a man is the equivalent of touching radioactive waste is probably a suitable approach.
  • stop showering every day, refuse regular haircuts, abandon all hair removal activities and make ratty tracksuits my daily attire
  • abandon any and all exercise activities
  • act stupid, have no opinions and stick to safe subjects like the weather
  • text my partner every five seconds when we’re apart, throw a tantrum when he wants to hang out with his mates and insist on accompanying him to ‘boys nights’ at the local pub before dragging him home early to a night of no sex
  • stop getting stamps in my passport
  • stop talking
  • pretend I can’t spell
  • stop laughing at the ridiculousness of life
  • etc.
  • etc.

Mmm. What a shame I can’t do any of those things.

I guess I’ll just have to stay single.

Ha!

Get your TOP 10 Tips for Intuitive Beginners
Enter your email address and click on the Get Instant Access button.
We respect your privacy and will not share your email with any other provider.
Powered by Optin Forms