Image - grammagood.com

Image – grammagood.com

Like a lot of women there have been times when I’ve felt hemmed in and controlled by my appearance and weight.

I’ve even cancelled social events because I’ve looked in my wardrobe despairingly and thought, “I have nothing to wear because I’ve put on x kilos and I can’t possibly wear that ‘awful’ outfit even though it’s the only one that still fits me.”

So, when a friend confessed she’d nearly cancelled our catch up because she felt too fat, I could totally relate.

She’s not fat and, you know what, neither was I when I was cancelling my appointments with people who cared about me.

Instead I was just being really mean to me.

A lot of women do this and it’s really a waste of our beautiful energy.

The people who truly love us don’t care if we’re carrying a few extra kilos. They probably won’t even see it. They just want to see us.

Years ago, a marriage counselor asked my then-husband David* how he would feel if I put on 50 kilos. She wanted to know if he would love me less.

He told her it wouldn’t make any difference to how he felt.

My counselor (who it turned out was pretty jaded when it came to marriage) nearly fell off her chair when he said that, because he meant it.

And that is what real love is.

Love is accepting people just the way they are and wanting to spend time with them because they’re smart, funny and beautiful in their own unique way.

I choose to spend my time with people who love me. They’re not judging me by how much I weigh. They’re just looking forward to seeing my smile and hearing my voice.

Most days I manage to keep the fat police out of my head because I know they’re not real.

It’s better to be who I am, be healthy-ish and know that is enough.