I’ve had three married men hit on me this month. Well, two were married and one is just in a steady relationship but you get what I mean.
When it happened for the third time a few days ago I came away thinking, maybe it’s me, maybe I just have a sign above my head that says ‘Slut and ‘ready for anything’!
I don’t of course wear that sign so don’t try looking for me on the street. But that’s how I felt.
I talked to a male friend tonight and he thinks that fifty percent of men in some age gropus will cheat. Fifty percent!!
He went on to say that men probably go looking when they’re ‘not getting any at home’ and a psychologist he heard years ago had the right idea when she said women should just ‘put out’ to their men to stop them straying.
Oh. My. God.
It’s not the 1950s people!!! But does he have a point?
I seem to recall a recently published female author promoting very similar ideas. Put out because your man needs it and that should be enough for you…and hey, you might even enjoy it.
Mmm. Is it really that simple though? Are men that basic?
I know many people reading this are nodding their heads and saying, absolutely yes. And that would be a very simple answer wouldn’t it? You could package up infidelity nicely with a bow and serve it up with a simple solution. Just put out.
The trouble is, I don’t think it is that simple. I think that men, like women, are motivated by a whole range of emotions and situations. Sure, some may stray because they’re ‘not getting any’ but others will stray because that’s just what they do. It’s the conquest for them, or they have a low boredom threshold or they just think it is an acceptable form behaviour. Others will cheat just because the idea of being fully committed to one person is just too terrifying so they prefer to cheat before they are cheated on. And so the list goes on…
Let’s face it, I think alcohol is also responsible for a whole range of cheating that would not otherwise have happened. Just think about it…your partner is somewhere else (in another city, another country, at home or down the street) and you’re drunk and you let your guard down then WHAMMO! You’re naked. You hear about it happening all the time. You probably have had it happen to you.
Of course, for a single girl none of this is news is encouraging or uplifting. Based on my experience of life so far, my observations of others and my male friend’s perspective I should be aware of the following: half of the male population will cheat; if I am in a relationship with someone I should just ‘put out’ whether I feel like it or not; and I should never allow my partner (or myself) to drink more than one glass of alcohol in a night.
This is one of those moments when I think that perhaps it is wiser to be single than to ever attempt monogamy again. It is easier and more straightforward.
Unfortunately, being single is not going to save me from being propositioned by unavailable men.
Perhaps I’m just screwed. And not in a good way.
If you trust your judgment, you’ll be fine. I married a man who walked out on me barely two years later, and within a year was married to his “best friend” (!), a woman he worked with who (yes) even attended our wedding. I had known from the start he had a weak ego, wanted a woman who earned a lot more than I ever could in my field (journalism) — and he went and got one by trading up. My error was marrying him anyway.
My new husband is gone for 2-3 weeks a year, surrounded by young, talented, attractive and ambitious women he teaches in a workshop. Do I worry about this tempting scenario? Nope. I’ve known him for 12 years and know his character.
Men who screw around have weak egos (not that hard to spot) and need the constant reassurance they are appealing. I don’t think you have to put out sexually, but you do have to shore them up emotionally with love, reassurance and sincere interest as often as they need…so find a man who isn’t so desperately needy!
Thanks for your words of advice Caitlin and yes, I absolutely think a weak ego and a constant need for reassurance can be the problem. It’s good to know that you found a ‘good one’ in the end, it gives me hope for the future. And don’t worry, although I haven’t given up the search for the right man, I know a needy man is definitely not in my plan.