by Lucretia | Aug 16, 2017 | compassion, create your life, self development, self discovery, Sense of self |
Often when we are going through challenging times our ‘mean girl voice’ inside really kicks in. That nasty little voice makes us feel even worse when we are just trying to hold it together and make it through. It’s the voice that tells you that you’re not good enough, that you should be better at managing your life, that you are a ‘loser’ because you don’t have it together like everyone else.
The truth is, no one EVER really has it all together all the time. Scratch the surface and most of us have struggles to move through and challenges to overcome. To believe otherwise is a complete delusion which is fed by the carefully crafted images of our lives that we share on social media and show to the world.
What you really need when you’re struggling, is kindness. Try treating yourself like your own best friend. When you hear the mean girl beginning to rant, stop, recognise what’s happening and be kind, be compassionate and above all be understanding of your own vulnerability and frailty. It’s not about letting yourself ‘off the hook’. It’s about giving yourself support when you need it so you can rise up and move forward once you’ve regrouped.
In short, the next time you hear the mean girl’s voice, tell her to F**K OFF and create a new, more positive type of self-talk. 
by Lucretia | Apr 11, 2017 | children, create your life, Family, self development, Sense of self |
Like most people, there are things in my childhood and adolescence that scarred me emotionally. Interactions with family members and friends stay with you a long time and those memories mark you in many ways. They also influence your decisions and ideas about who you are and how the world operates.
I’m 44 now and it’s amazing how much I’m still unpicking those threads from my younger years. It’s like there are dozens of boxes strewn around the place and every now and then I trip over one and land unceremoniously on my backside.
Of course I can choose to get up at that point, kick the box to one side and keep going. But invariably all that means is there will be an even harder fall in the future. The Universe is like that you know. It will flag an issue for you to look at and, if you choose to ignore it, it will simply smack you harder next time. The Universe’s subtlety and patience can sometimes decrease rather rapidly.
These days I generally make time to undo the strings and sticky tape that’s holding the box together, and then I look inside. Some of the boxes in the past have been labeled with words like ‘rejection’, ‘need for acknowledgement’, ‘disrespect’, ‘judgement’, ‘abandonment’ and ‘love’. Inside each one has been a memory of how someone treated me, something said in jest or with cruel intention, or a situation that caused me pain.
As I’ve peered into each box, I’ve understood that I too had a role to play in creating those moments in my life. There were lessons for me to learn and things I needed to know about myself and others.
Does that mean the behaviour of some people was acceptable and kind? Definitely not. Sometimes it was the absolute opposite and, unsurprisingly, they are the moments that have marked me the most.
But with self-awareness, I have to acknowledge that while those things happened, I cannot allow them to twist my present and future in unfavourable ways. I cannot allow them to taint the possibilities and opportunities that lay before me. Yet sometimes that’s exactly what happens. Someone will say or do something in the present and I’ll be triggered back to that moment in my childhood or adolescence when something similar happened. And in that moment all the emotion from that past event will rise within me. Suddenly I will feel like I’m swimming through cotton wool, voiceless, powerless and with no idea where to go.
This is the moment the Universe pushes me over a box from my past.
It can be tempting to ignore the box and instead focus on the antagonising trigger in my present. Certainly it would feel more satisfying in the short-term to throw all my blame and pain on the person triggering my response.
But I know there is a reason such strong feelings arise and usually they start with me, my past, my lessons and my path. So I instead I apply metaphorical iodine to my wounds and open the box to peer inside. Then I find a way to work through its contents, get help to process it all if I need to, and then I do my best to let it go.
Unsurprisingly, it’s at this point the antagoniser in my present loses their power. I can deal with them calmly, almost matter-of-factly then, because it was never really about them personally. They were just a mirror showing me something to look at. They were just a chance for me to learn that now, as an adult, I can find another way.
Lucretia Ackfield is a writer and transformational teacher who helps women reconnect to the greatness that lies within by accessing their intuitive power. If you’d like to learn more about using your intuition or Lucretia’s programs, check out her Facebook page Lucretia’s Words or join her Facebook group Rock Your Inner Channel.
by Lucretia | Feb 10, 2017 | create your life, empowerment, Intuition, self development |
When I look back on my life I can see that I’ve often chosen the path less travelled. I’ve certainly taken risks that many viewed as foolhardy, ill-conceived, naïve and yes, selfish. If my life was an apple cart then I’ve definitely tipped it over a lot.
But my risks haven’t been physical. I’ve never jumped out of a plane and you won’t see me doing that anytime soon. It’s just not my thing to put my body in harm’s way.
My risks have been emotional and intuitive in nature.
On my 44th birthday last year, a friend posted a meme to my Facebook page that read ‘She could never remember if it was better to be safe or sorry’ and that certainly is an accurate portrayal of who I am. Certainly my choices over the years have frequently not been ‘safe’ ones.
In my mid/late 20s I left a solid permanent job where I was miserable to try the uncertainty of contract work. In my early 30s I left what many viewed as a perfectly good long-term relationship (15 years) with a good man (who everyone loved) because I wanted to expand and, although we tried, he and I couldn’t do that together.
Fast forward a few more years and, on the eve of my 39th birthday, I took a redundancy from a highly-paid government job so I could teach part-time at university and write the draft for my first book. I didn’t have any real plan for after that. In the process I also went through a massive psychic awakening and since then, I’ve talked openly about that AND now base my business around my special skills in that area (yep, that’s right, I’m a psychic and, among other things, sometimes I see dead people, spirit guides and I can feel what’s going on for you).
I recognise my choices are not the ‘safe’ ones that many would choose. And I have no judgement around that. After all, we all must choose our own path to walk. And my path is certainly unique to me.
But if there’s one thing I’ve learned through all of it, it’s this: when you make the choices that feel right for you, when you take the path less-travelled because your soul is crying out for it, then massive transformation occurs that takes you to places you never dreamed were possible. In fact, my choices have taken me to places I didn’t even know existed.
I won’t lie and say it’s been easy. I also know it isn’t over yet either. My life seems to have a trajectory that’s about taking risks. It seems to be my path to explore and yes, be pushed by the Universe to transform over and over again. Transformation of self seems to be part of my soul’s calling. Just when I get comfortable something happens or I’ll have a moment of clarity that makes it untenable for me to stay where I am. The Universe forces me to jump into the abyss and hope that I will be caught before I hit bottom or at least be able to grab a tree root as I fly down the side of the cliff where I’ll hang on for dear life while working out my next move.
When I look back over the last two decades I can see my transformations have been the result of the risks I have chosen to take. They have often (particularly when it comes to men) involved following my heart (this hasn’t always gone too well for me…read my book The Men I’ve Almost Dated for more on that). But more and more, my risks have been about following my intuition. My intuition always knows the right way to go.
Like a lot of people, my ego sometimes gets in the way of my intuition too. This means it’s easier for me to help and see the way for others because my ego isn’t invested in the outcome. But that’s a subject for another blog (or ten).
My friend Kelly* said recently that, of all her friends, I am the one who has transformed the most. We first met when I was in my mid 20s and she said, way back then, she always felt like there was more beneath my rather uptight exterior.
She was right.
Kelly’s words were a great compliment. I am so very different from that young woman back then. And I am proud of myself for the transformations I have made since then.
When Kelly met me, I didn’t know how to tune into me. I didn’t know how to really trust myself. No one had ever shown me how to do it. I didn’t even understand the concept. Instead, I looked to other people for guidance about what was best for me ALL THE TIME. I was judgemental of people who weren’t doing things in the ‘mainstream’ way because all I wanted to do was be taken seriously and be accepted by other people. Conformity and sensible shoes were my go-to life choices.
But it was when I started to make different choices and break away from the restrictions I’d placed on my own life that I began to transform. It was then that my world began to expand. I learned I had depths I didn’t know existed. I learned I had a capacity for growth and rebirth that was epic. I learned that I didn’t need to be so hard on myself (although sometimes I still am).
I also learned that, even if other people didn’t approve of or like my decisions, I would still be okay.
When people come to me now and say they don’t know if they can make the changes they need to in their lives or they don’t think they are strong enough, I often pause for a moment and reflect on the young person I used to be. Then I say, ‘If I can do it, you can too.’
Because while I certainly don’t consider myself to be ‘ordinary’, I am a human being just like anyone else. And my personal experiences have shown me that massive transformation of self is possible when you choose it and you allow it. In fact, sometimes it occurs even when you resist it every single step of the way.
Transformation is a gift. Sometimes it will make you struggle. Sometimes it will challenge you and push you to your limits. However, ultimately, it will expand your world and you in ways you cannot imagine.
Transformation will allow your soul to sing. It will help ensure you reach the end of your days knowing you have created the life you craved.
It can and will spark your fears. It will make some people pull away and judge you. It will also bring others close and invite new experiences and wonderful growth.
Transformation is what we are here for. Without it we are just mice on the wheels, endlessly running in the same direction.
My transformations will continue and my risks will too. Yours don’t have to be as radical (unless you desire it) or perhaps yours will be more extreme. The choices are yours to make. But if you are teetering on the edge of stepping into your risk; if you are hesitating to follow the desires held in your soul, always remember this…
Transformation is the key to life.
And, if I can do it, you can too.
by Lucretia | Jan 2, 2017 | create your life, follow your dreams, Intuition, Personal power, self belief, self development, self discovery, Self esteem, Sense of self, speak your truth |
‘Maybe I’m just not meant to be happy.’
These words were uttered by a friend a few years ago. She felt like she was in a no-win situation and had to choose a path she didn’t want to choose in order to ‘do the right thing’. This ultimately meant keeping the people around her happy while she felt miserable.
Does this sound familiar? How many times have you done that in your life? How many times have you wanted something but realised it would cause waves with other people in your life so instead you stuffed it down inside you and hoped it would go away?
But it didn’t go away, did it? Nope, like a bad case of reflux it keeps coming back up; sticking in your throat, almost making you gag. But you’re determined aren’t you? You’re not going to let it win because if you let it out, you’re going to upset people. You’ll be knocking over the apple cart and everyone else’s apples will go rolling down the hill. You’ll be disruptive. They’ll tell you that you’re selfish. And you want to be a good person don’t you? You want that desperately. You want people to be happy. You want them to like you. You want to do the ‘right thing’.
But I have to tell you sweetheart that it’s not going to work. Because if that thing inside you keeps coming up, if it plagues your mind while you rush around doing everyone else’s bidding, then there’s a reason for it.
And the reason is that you deserve to follow your dreams. You deserve to create whatever is in you to create. And the Universe is not going to let you forget it.
But you have choice. Of course you have a choice. It’s your life.
You can choose to keep pushing down your desires because you’re scared of complicating your world or failing or upsetting people or standing out. You can choose this and know that when you reach the end of your life you will probably regret not taking a chance on yourself. You will regret not believing you could do it.
Or you can decide that you are worthy of living the best possible life you can live. You can decide that you have a right to honour all those unruly desires clamouring in your heart. You can decide that what you want is important enough to acknowledge and begin to create. If you make this choice, the choice that truly speaks to your heart, you can begin to slowly remove the shackles of the past. You can begin to untie all those heavy ropes that bind you to things and people that no longer serve you.
And then my gorgeous friend, you can begin moving towards the magical life that is possible for you; the life that is fulfilling and challenging and uniquely yours. You won’t create it immediately. Truly magnificent creations take time and nurturing. And this one, your creation, your life, must be fertilised with self-awareness, joy, triumph, disruption, failure, terrifying leaps into the unknown, unexpected discoveries and above all, your willingness to learn just how wonderful you are and what you are truly capable of. It will be a lifelong journey.
But I assure you, it will be worth it.
Or you can stay where you are. You can languish in the everyday ordinariness of a life you don’t really want.
The choice is yours. Choose wisely.
Would you like some help to create the life you really want? My Intuition Connection Program or a Clarity Session might be just want you need to get you started.
by Lucretia | Nov 3, 2016 | change the world, create your life, empowerment, self development |
On the weekend I was watching a live Facebook broadcast by Kate Maree O’Brien and she asked the question, ‘What could you achieve if you had a gun pointed to your head?’ She suggested that in that situation, all the stories you tell yourself about why you can’t do something simply disappear. Your excuses disappear because you no longer have an option not to do the thing you really want to do. It’s life or death, so you just do it.
I loved, loved, loved this perspective and was blown away by the simplicity of her concept.
The truth is, like so many people I know, I am guilty of telling myself stories about why I can’t do something I really want to do. And it’s amazing how incredibly imaginative those stories can be. Every type of negative self-talk can jostle for position alongside creative excuses about not having enough time, money, support and so on. It can be a goddamn plethora of road-blocking, motivation-sapping storytelling designed to prevent progress towards what I truly desire.
Why do I do this?
Well, based on some recent and somewhat painful personal revelations, I’d say it has a lot to do with my patterns. That is the patterns of behaviour I’ve been repeating in my life and the consistent and kind of crappy results I’ve reaped in some areas because of them.
You see, when you tell yourself a story about why you can’t do something or why it won’t work out, you instantly make it more difficult for you to achieve or realise that thing. The minute you put those negative and defeating thought bubbles out there you set in train a course of events designed to make sure you don’t get where you want to go. You create your story. Then when it doesn’t work out you tell yourself, ‘Well that’s what always happens anyway’.
Self-fulfilling prophecy.
You start off from a point of weakness and just keep on going. And to be honest you probably don’t give it your all from the start or maintain your tenacity because deep down you expect it to fail because ‘that’s what always happens anyway.’ Of course, add to this mix that you are probably making the same decisions you always make in similar situations (i.e. repeating your patterns) and you can see you’re shooting yourself in the foot more than once or twice. In fact, the bullets are probably flying around so much you’re dancing the quickstep!
So how do we fix this tendency to shoot ourselves down before we begin?
Well, in my case I’ve been doing a lot of work around identifying and changing my patterns so I can create a different result to the one I’m used to. I’ll post some more information soon and let you know about one practitioner, Louise Kennedy, who’s really helped me with this side of my life.
I think the other key is definitely Kate’s approach. It may seem extreme but, if you didn’t have a choice, you wouldn’t make excuses and you would just go for what you want. Imagine the freedom in that! Imagine what you could create in your life! Imagine the magic!
So thank you Kate for kicking me up the proverbial backside this week and reminding me that I am the only one standing in my way. I can go for what I want or I can let my stories/excuses get in the way. I have a choice and perhaps an imaginary gun is one of the best motivators to help me forge ahead.
by Lucretia | Oct 8, 2016 | change the world, create your life, empowerment, follow your dreams, self development, self discovery |
Whenever I open a door in the kitchen my cat Mirabel instantly wants to dive in. She does the same thing every time I open my wardrobe door. Suddenly she’s right beside me and, if I’m not quick, she dives in to explore and her cheeky, jaunty tail disappears into the depths.
She is fearless in her exploration and her curiosity seems boundless. She sat on the windowsill this morning watching with rapt attention as the council truck rumbled along the street, picking up the bins and banging them down again. And whenever the printer starts up in my office, she’s suddenly sitting beside it, listening carefully to the whirrings and paying close attention as the paper moves in and then out again.
Is this why they say curiosity killed the cat, because they are so curious? I daresay Mirabel would be far too clever for that outcome.
But her mischievous exploration of unknown frontiers, unexpected opportunities and new activities got me thinking. Mirabel is so very willing to dive through an open door to see what’s on the other side. She simply rocks up and jumps in, without hesitation it seems.
Perhaps we could learn something from that?
So often it feels like we prevaricate about the right thing to do and the sensible thing to do. We are so very cautious when faced with new and unexpected experiences and we seek guarantees before we cross the threshold. We want to know how it will work out later.
‘Will I make a fool of myself?
‘Will I stuff it up?
‘Will he/she/they reject me?
‘What if it doesn’t last?
‘What if I get hurt?
‘What if I’m not good enough?
‘What if I make the wrong choice?
‘What if they laugh at me?’
The questions will scuttle mercilessly through our brains as we (figuratively speaking) hop from one foot to another, trying to make the ‘right’ decision.
Meanwhile, someone like Mirabel has stepped through the open door, explored the interior, learned some stuff, met some people, fallen in love/got a new job/started their dream business/moved to another country, and then found another door to step through.
Yet still you stand in the same place, hoping for something better yet afraid to shift in case you make the ‘wrong move’. You continue to peer through the door, trying desperately to see through the murky darkness to what lies beyond. But you can’t, so you stay where you are.
Sound familiar?
Needless to say, I like Mirabel’s approach. But it’s sometimes hard to emulate it. Fear frequently grinds my own feet to a halt on the threshold of many doorways. It’s at those moments that I need to remind myself that the greatest changes and achievements in my life have come when I stepped fearlessly forward, despite not knowing where I might end up.
It’s can be a challenge to live fearlessly, to take chances and explore the unknown pathways that beckon us onwards. Some people never attempt it and instead will be content to stay on the safe and well-known side of the doorway.
But I think Mirabel’s approach, with its accompanying adventure, knowledge and curiosity, is the one for me. I just need to master it.
