If you’ve found this post then you’re
someone who wants to create change in the world. You want to live differently
to the way your parents and other people you know have lived. You have a vision
or maybe just an inkling of doing things differently.
Have you ever shared your desire,
your dream, your vision with someone you thought would have your back? Maybe you
opened up just a little and trusted them.
You wanted their support and
understanding but instead, all you heard was something like:
“Oh look that sounds a bit like a dream to me and not very
realistic”
“I really think you need to be a bit more practical”
“I think that’s something you can do on the side. But for now
you should finish your degree and get a really good job”
“We never had these opportunities when we were young and we
wanted to make sure that you have them. So don’t waste them. Get a good job and
get paid well. Forget all that other stuff because it’s not very realistic.
Just go out and achieve, achieve, achieve.” (This may come from your parents if they didn’t have a lot of
opportunities.)
When you get this type of negative or “realistic” feedback about what you want to create, it can be really hard to keep your focus and maintain your faith in your ability to make your dreams real.
But there are things you can do to
make sure their stories and negative feedback doesn’t take you off track and
stop you from living your purpose.
Understand their response is about THEIR STORY NOT YOURS.
We all tell ourselves stories
about what is possible and what is not. These are based on our experiences, beliefs
and interactions with others.
But if you share your desire or dream
with someone and their story negatively influences their response, you
potentially enter a danger zone. If you are not feeling really grounded and
centred in yourself, you will take their story on as your truth. This is
dangerous for you because it’s not the truth. It is just a story they believe
and they are projecting it onto you.
It’s possible their dreams were
squashed when they were young and they lost hope that they could do anything
different. This led them to conform and do what their parents, community and friends
wanted them to do. So your idea to do something that bucks the system will confront
their beliefs and the story they’ve been telling themselves about what their
life can, could or should be.
I’m not trying to invalidate their
perspectives because those experiences will be real for them. But that’s their
story, NOT YOURS. You’re here to create your own story.
Yes, you need to be able to
support yourself financially, look after and be responsible for yourself. But
that doesn’t mean you have to live the same kind of life that other people think
you should live.
ALL OR NOTHING THINKING can stop you before you start
Sometimes we also have all or nothing thinking and this stops us from moving forward. You will be worrying that if you make the wrong decision now, you might screw everything up. This leaves you feeling indecisive and sometimes you avoid making any decisions at all.
But whatever you’re doing when
you’re aged 20, 22, 25, 27, etcetera, YOU WON’T BE DOING THOSE THINGS IN
ANOTHER 10 YEARS. Nothing stays the same for that long so you’re better off taking
a chance in this moment, doing what feels right for you and moving forward.
Otherwise you will be waiting for the perfect time and a guaranteed outcome (neither
of these exist!!).
One particular decision is rarely going
to make or break your entire life. Waiting for other people to “get it”, and
understand and support your decisions is also wasting time.
If other people don’t agree with your life choices, that is not your problem.
Yes, we all want people to like us.
But you cannot put yourself into a box to help other people feel more
comfortable with their life choices. That’s not your job.
What other people think of you is none
of your business. You need to focus on what you think of you!
Focus on what you feel is the next
right step for you and trust yourself. When you do that, you are moving forward
with your life purpose and life path. You will meet other people along the way
who will get what you are trying to do. They will understand what you’re trying
to create and will support you. But there will be others who will test your
faith in yourself.
You need to make the best decision
for you right now and understand that not everyone is going to agree with you,
and that’s okay. Sure, sit back and question yourself a little but then ask
yourself “Okay, what feels like the right thing for me?” then follow
that and know it’s all going to work out. It probably won’t look like you think
it will – life never works out the way we think it should. But it’s going to
work out beautifully and in the best possible way for you.
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Are you doing a
university degree that you don’t really like or staying in a job that you don’t
really care about? Maybe you want to travel but you’re too afraid to go alone.
Well, this week I
heard from a former work colleague who was a lot like you are now. But guess
what?! He’s just decided to blow his comfort zone out of the water.
Like a lot of
20-somethings, he has a huge amount of potential but he was stuck in his
comfort zone and kept waiting for someone else to join him so he could begin
his adventures. Until now.
A few days ago, he
sent me a PM which said:
“…You implored me to stop trying to wait for other people and just get out there regardless if they come with you or not. Well, I decided to up and go on a holiday by myself to Bali, because no one else could get time off and I wanted to go…”
Receiving this kind of
message makes my day, month and year because he has chosen to bust through his
comfort zone and do what he really wants without waiting for someone else. And
his life and perspectives will expand exponentially because he has chosen to
move past his comfort zone into the unknown.
I meet so many people
who are waiting for approval or someone to join them before they make the
change they want in their life. But the honest truth is, that may never happen.
And that will be a wasted life because one day you will be 95 years old,
sitting in a rocking chair with false teeth and barely any hair, and you will
be thinking, F@CK why didn’t I
go for what I wanted instead of what was comfortable? Now it’s too late.
A few days ago, a fabulous
20-something friend sent me a PM with exciting news – an international
organisation had seen her commentary online about an issue she is passionate
about and were interested in partnering with her. They even wanted her to write
a blog for them.
My amazing friend was
OVER THE MOON.
This inspirational
woman is not just a great friend. She has also been a client over the past few years
and we have talked many times about putting herself out there. I’ve always
known she is here to create some wonderful changes in the world but she has often
hesitated to share her voice and opinions.
Until now.
LOTS OF 20-SOMETHINGS HIDE
THEIR LIGHT because…
You think other people can say it better
You’re worried about offending people (i.e. you
want everyone to like you)
Your parents/friends/family/strangers on the
street won’t agree with you, “get it” or will think you’re crazy
You think you’re not good enough
You think no one really cares what you think
Et cetera, et cetera.
Does this sound like
you? If so, trust me, you are not alone AT ALL. But I have to tell you
something…it’s all BS!! All those stories you’ve been telling yourself about
why you can’t do what you want, say what you want, be who you want and go where
you want to go are NOT TRUE.
You are capable of
creating a world that is more kind, more sustainable, more creative, more
loving, more expansive, more everything that you believe is important BUT you will
have to show your light first. You will have to put yourself out there, back
yourself, take risks, be by yourself for a while, take the road less travelled,
be the one dissenting voice in the crowd, be okay with people thinking you’re
crazy, be okay with offending people.
If you want a
different life, you must change you first. You must take your passions and
channel them into things that you love, and then share them with the world so
others can hear your voice. Just like my friend, you will have to feel a little
bit nervous, terrified and excited all at the same time. And then you will need
to begin.
Because if you hide
your light, no one can see it. And the world needs to see it. Trust me.
I took my book and
made my way into the backyard this afternoon. The sun in Brisvegas is
unseasonably warm and being a girl who loves the heat, I was keen to make the
most of it.
My backyard includes a
pool, thick green grass and a view of the river. But it hasn’t always been this
way.
A few weeks ago, I left my home of 13 years to move here. It was a big choice to sell my house and I’m still feeling the reverberations of that choice, even now. My life is different now. The way I live is different now. And the space I inhabit within the world has changed.
It always intrigues me how when we change one thing in our lives, things change around us too. When we shift so does our energy and those ripples inexorably spread out into the world affecting our relationship with others and indeed, our relationship with ourselves.
Change one thing and many things change. Change a lot of things and you can imagine the impact is little more significant.
For me, my recent big
change has led me to see much of my life through a different lens. I feel freer
because in many ways I am starting anew. How I interact with strangers has
shifted too. I am more open and I find myself feeling even more curious about
the human condition. I observe more, feel more. Certainly my psychic channel feels
much stronger, more attuned and more powerful than it has been.
My house was a home and a refuge. But eventually it became a place where I felt stuck and hidden from the world. Perhaps it was also a symbol of a life I thought I would once have that never eventuated.
So now I’m here.
As I sat beside the pool,
relaxing in the sun, I found myself asking that question we frequently ask when
seeking clarity about our next steps and where we want to go:
“If you could do
anything, what would you do?”
As I rolled the question
around in my head, I realised something that had never really cut-through my
psyche before. I had asked the wrong question. The real question is:
“You can do anything
so what are you going to do first and when are you going to do it?”
The second question is
the true question and I laughed at myself when I realised it.
So many of the reasons
we give ourselves for not doing what we truly want are mere excuses. They may
be very reasonable and logical excuses but they are excuses just the same.
And when we start the
discussion from a place of restriction with a focus on perceived obstacles, we
cut ourselves off at the knees even before we start the race.
I was sitting there in that beautiful setting because I made some difficult but necessary decisions to change my life. To be honest, the Universe in many ways brought me to metaphorical knees before I would make those decisions, but I still made them. And I don’t regret them for one minute. Because once you let go of what you ‘think’ your life should look like as you move towards your goals, you allow whole new perspectives to show up that will take you to places you never expected to go (and sometimes resist visiting) and soon after you will realise you are exactly where you need to be.
I never thought I
would end up living somewhere like this, but it’s perfect. So as I settle in, I
now know what question I should really be asking.
I met a young guy
today – let’s call him Mickey* – who is going for what he believes in. He is
establishing a business and believes he can make a difference to people’s lives
through what he does. I believe he can make a difference too.
What was interesting
is, as I thought about my appointment with him (which was for a personal issue
of my own), I found myself picking up information about how he could promote
and market his business more effectively. This is one of the ways my psychic
channel often works – I seem to be good at picking up how people are blocking
themselves from achieving their next level, and then I tune into the way forward
and up. Sometimes this happens without any intention from me – being psychic
means I’m a bit like a giant antennae and will sometimes just pick up stuff
because that’s how I roll.
Although we have a
mutual friend, I had never met Mickey before today. But I could feel his energy
and passion for what he is creating long before I walked into his office. So
when we met in person, I shared the insights I had felt with him.
As so often happens in
these situations, he had been thinking about some of the things I mentioned but
had been stopping himself from following through. He also shared that others
had made some suggestions but yet, still, he had not moved forward.
This made me laugh because it is exactly how the Universe works when we are preventing ourselves from shifting.
The Universe will send us the same message over and over again, via conversations, books, movies, signs, random thoughts and other ways to try and get our attention. We humans are often slow learners and don’t like the unknown so I guess the Universe knows it has to ‘stay on message’ to get through our resistance.
Mickey and I talked a little about what was getting in the way and I gave him a few new marketing ideas to think about. I hope he actions them because he has a lot to give but people won’t hear about it unless he pushes that edge of his comfort zone just a little bit more.
When I was about to leave Mickey mentioned a topic he is passionate about. He has a slightly controversial perspective and when I noted this he said, he believed it and wanted to talk about it.
I said, “Go for it”.
I believe you should take your conviction and passion, stand on it and use it to lift you up so you can share your story with the world and create the change you want to see.
I look forward to seeing how Mickey’s business grows in the future. His willingness to back himself and speak his truth will help him to forge ahead and create the difference he wants to see in the world.
I hope if you’re
reading this, you take a chance on sharing your story too.
My house looks like a rubbish tip and not a well-organised one. I’m moving and my previously ordered (mostly) belongings are now strewn haphazardly around the place as if thieves ransacked my home last night. But there have been no thieving visitors, only me and my random packing methods over the past few weeks.
It’s a strange feeling to be putting all my stuff into boxes. When you live in one place for 13 years, you accumulate a lot of memories and items to go with them. I’ve rediscovered artwork from my childhood and travel documents from my first solo overseas trip. I also found three small figurines tucked into the back of a sideboard. I can remember proudly buying them at Paddy’s Market with my very own pocket money when I was about 12 years old. As I held them in my hands I was transported back to a time when my life felt softer and gentler somehow.
As things are moved, packed or given away, my emotions tumble this way and that – just like I hope the boxes won’t do in the removalist’s storage container on Thursday.
Anxiety, optimism and
fearfulness have paid a few visits. Tears have been shed as I’ve recalled a
fond or painful memory. I’ve pictured my two cats SuperPuss and Mirabel, now
passed, wandering then hallway and keeping me company, showing me love and lifting
my spirits. I’ve seen again in my mind’s eye, my body on the floor sobbing with
heartbreak over more than one man who did not deserve the love I offered.
I wrote and published
my first anonymous blog post in this house – terrified that someone would know
it was me. I also wrote and published my first book here too and began my first
business enterprise.
When I move into my
new home, it will hold no memories for me. Instead it will be a clean slate; a
new place to create a different life.
The thought of that newness
and letting go of the known of this place is scary and enticing in turns. But
before I reach that place, I must first navigate and bring order to the chaos I’m
currently surrounded by.