The Curse of the Over-thinker
I am a classic over-thinker. I can’t say it’s a gift exactly but it is definitely a strength of mine. The ability to run scenarios through my head about what could happen, when things might happen and how I can contrive for things to occur when I want them to has, until recently, been a regular activity.
I’m well aware that I’m not alone in this propensity. As I chat to friends it is obvious that many of us suffer from the same affliction.
But you will note that I’ve said ‘until recently’ and yes, the truth is I’ve begun to wrestle in earnest with my over-thinking and, in some situations, I’m surprising myself with success. Instead of wearying my brain with numerous options, I am practising the enemy of over-thinking. That is, I am being present.
Being present is a glorious alternative to over-thinking but needs constant practice. It also requires you to keep a strict vigilance on your mind because, if you’re like me, your mind loves to over-think. I would even say we’re bred for it. For example, take a look at how we need to consume information today. Facebook, Instagram, emails, Google, What’s app, Viber. Every corner we turn there is more information to be accessed and it’s a bombardment. Log in to Facebook and before you know it, you’ve lost three hours scrolling through a news feed featuring information you’ve absorbed but can’t remember.
Add this to the common expectation that we all need to know what we’re doing, where we’re going and our need to ‘have it all together’ and our minds go into over-drive. Seriously, it’s insane what we do in our minds every single day.
We forget that no one really knows what they’re doing. Most of us are making it up as we go along. But somewhere within our cultural conditioning we’re taught that we need to plan and control everything in our lives. We’re taught that we should ‘know’ what we’re doing. But we don’t so we keep coming up short and that just makes us think more about what we’re not doing or should be doing and how we can fix it.
All of this is exhausting and, if you look at it more objectively, it’s kind of ridiculous. It’s like when someone says to me they have a strict five-year plan for how their life is going to work out and I think to myself, ‘Well honey, by all means put a rough structure around it but you actually don’t know what life is going to throw at you tomorrow so be prepared to be flexible.’
The truth is, the only thing we can control is what we do right now, right in this minute. Everything else is in the hands of the Universe and aligns with a plan we know nothing about. So over-thinking it is (how do I put this kindly), not overly helpful.
As I mentioned earlier, the solution is the practice of being present and it’s a challenge for almost everyone. It is the practice of consciously stepping back from the information channels that litter our lives and choosing instead to move to an inwardly focused place of calm. Of course, to get to the calm you must first face down the thoughts that tell you that you must be doing something, fixing something or learning something right now. You must say to your mind, ‘Thank you. I appreciate you are doing what you think is best but it’s really not helping. For now I am going to focus on the now and being present.’
Your mind won’t like it when you start this practice. It will do it’s very best to distract and draw you back to those multiple information channels where your attention is surely immediately needed. It will tell you that if you think about things a little more then you will work everything out and create neat order in your life. But I encourage you to resist its badgering and persevere with your intention to be present because what will happen is really something quite magical.
You will slow down, feel calmer and better able to manage your life. You will also become more accepting of yourself and reduce self-judgement as you begin to realise there is less need to hurry and a greater need to be still. And through this practice you will find the answers to your questions often come more quickly because they don’t need to fight through the noise your mind has been making. You will also feel a lesser need to control everything and become more accepting of the flow of your life.
I promise you, it is possible for this to happen. But it is a practice and you will occasionally slip back into your over-thinking. Lord knows, I do. However, I’m encouraged by my own attempts to be consciously present because they are helping me to navigate relationships and my life so much more effectively. Instead of worrying about what might happen, I am going with the flow more often and with my over-thinking tendencies, this is truly one of the greatest gifts I could give myself.
So, if you’re ready to throw off the curse of the over-thinker, find a way to consciously step back from the information bombardment, and let go of trying know all the answers and control every outcome. Find a way to be present and kindly but firmly tell your mind to rest for a while. I promise you it will be worth it.